Page 57 of Saving You Losing Me

He has made it impossible to contemplate any life outside this one and yet tonight something snapped inside me when he assaulted me.

I can’t do this anymore.

The girls are growing up and will soon realize that all is not well between their parents. They will hear the fights and I don’t even want to imagine them witnessing them. It won’t be longbefore they start asking questions and I must put them first. Forever first and do something to change our future.

The biker may help, but he is one man against a sadistic army. I can’t put all my faith in him. I must stand up for myself and not rely on anyone else fighting my battles for me.

Knowing Michael is out gives me an opening and once I’m dressed and the house is quiet, I tiptoe downstairs toward Michael’s den.

I slip inside and pull the drapes, careful not to disturb anything that will give me away.

With a trembling heart, I begin my search, starting in the desk, knowing how Michael’s memory is not so good, and he needs to write everything down.

It doesn’t take long to discover his password book. As I predicted, he has meticulously listed every single one of them. My lips twist in derision because anybody could break in and gain access to all his accounts. He is a joke. Rather stupid in some ways and incredibly shrewd in others.

There is only one set of numbers I’m looking for, and it doesn’t take long to find them.

My heart thumps as I head across the room to the huge painting above the fireplace and I press the light switch beside it that causes the painting to release from a catch and reveal the safe hidden behind it.

Once again, I marvel at the stupidity of my husband. He may as well have placed the items inside the drawers in his desk.

Not that I’m complaining because it makes things easy for me and as I crack the combination, the door swings open, revealing exactly what I’m searching for.

I grab what I need, certain not to disturb the carefully placed items surrounding them.

The girl’s passports and mine are placed underneath Michael’s and he won’t realize they aren’t there if he opens the safe at first glance.

There are stacks of hundred-dollar bills, almost taking up two-thirds of the space, and I make sure to take some from each bundle and leave them all appearing exactly the same. Michael likes everything in its place and won’t realize I’ve taken one third of his money if all the piles are the same height. As I said, he’s not that bright and won’t recall how high the stacks were in the first place.

Once I possess the money and our passports, I close the safe carefully, making sure not to disturb anything inside and once I make certain everything is exactly how I found it, I edge outside the room, grateful that Michael never felt the need to install cameras inside the house as well as outside.

By the time I reach my room, I’m sweating and almost hyperventilating. However, I’m also high on adrenalin because I have done something positive in my wish to be free.

My next act is to pack enough for a few days for both me and the girls, and it doesn’t take long to locate the items we will need for a short trip.

My plan is to arrange flights out of the country to Europe. He will never consider that because Michael sees no point in traveling overseas unnecessarily. We used our passports once when we took a short break to Paris and on our return, he vowed never to go back there. He always says there is enough in our country to see and explore without the need to conquer new territory.

As I zip up the bag, I place it carefully in the bottom of my closet in the space underneath one of my drawers. He will never find it even if he tries, because to the naked eye it’s just a drawer of lingerie.

Luckily, the girls are already booked in for a sleepover with friends tomorrow night, which will enable me to spend the day planning our future. Michael will keep away because of his behavior tonight, giving me a few hours to book our flights and arrange a ride to the airport.

I will leave when he is playing his usual round of golf the day after tomorrow. He never misses it and it gives me four, maybe five hours head start.

This is my plan. It’s not the best but all I’ve got and I would rather live on the streets than spend another day with him.

As I climb into bed, my heart is heavy with regret. Ten years ago, I had it all and then it was taken away after a conversation. I sacrificed my own happiness for Atom’s and my parents and if it’s any consolation, at least Atom is living his dream.

I hate how my thoughts turn to him when I’m alone and everything is silent. Darkness offers me protection and a place to dwell on the past.

Is he happy? Does he ever think about me? I know he’s not married because I try to follow his life where I can, but it’s not easy.

He has the Darkside and his club, which now has a huge membership. I see them about town on their motorcycles, their patched jackets like a knife to my heart. The Dark Angels. Hell on a steel stallion. Named after me, apparently, and rightly so.

Atom is their president and spoken of in reverent tones. He is desired, feared and lusted after and I try not to dwell too much on that. He deserves to be happy. To be with someone who is free to love him. Then why at the thought of that happening does my heart tear apart and bleed burning tears?

CHAPTER 32

ATOM

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