Page 65 of Saving You Losing Me

My world stops spinning and I forget to breathe. “No! I can’t go there. Anywhere but there.”

Jet turns to Lucy with confusion, who says gently, “What’s so bad about the Dark Angels? I’m pretty sure they’ll help.”

Tears almost blind me as the past stabs me in my already bloodied heart. “You don’t understand. I can’t go there...to him.”

Jet shakes his head. “Who?”

“Atom.”

Both Jet and Lucy say at once. “Why not?”

I sob, “Because he hates me more than most, and I don’t blame him.”

Lucy sits beside me and places a comforting arm around my shoulder. “Then tell us why.”

My voice breaks. “Because he loved me and I chose another. It broke him, and he’s never forgiven me. If I go there, it’ll destroy us both.”

Jet stands up and says in a strong voice. “We’ll see about that. I think it’s about time we faced another fear of yours, darlin’. At least this time you won’t be on your own.”

I’m so lost and hopeless that even hell seems like a better option than where I am now, so I sigh, “I’ll go if you come with me. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll take my chances in the apartment.”

Jet smiles reassuringly. “Good girl. Don’t worry, we’ll make sure it’s the safest place for you in town. If not, I know an even better one.”

I’m not sure what he means by that and it would probably be wiser to take that option, but before I can change my mind, he leaves and as Lucy fusses around me, my mind returns unwillingly to the past.

CHAPTER 34

ATOM

Iam trying so hard to make it business as usual, but watching my sister blown to ash takes a lot of dealing with.

I spent most of the night caressing a bottle propped up at the bar. I tried to lose myself in a willing woman’s flesh, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it. I may have hated Tanya most of the time, but she’s all the blood I had left.

The bottom of a bottle is a dark place to try to make sense of muddled feelings, and it only increases my hatred for the women who betrayed me. First Clara and then Tanya, and it’s no wonder I struggle with attachment issues.

I’m dead inside. I have no compassion for women and use them for physical gratification.

Many have tried to crawl inside my head and work me out, but it’s an impossible task when the person himself doesn’t have a fucking clue what goes on in there.

Razor is concerned. He was there when Clara left me hanging on the street corner. He suffered the fallout when what should have been the best time of my life turned into the worst one after a two-minute conversation.

Somehow, we got through the dark days, mainly because I focused on the Dark Angels. I channeled my pain into something constructive and closed my ears to any mention of Clara.

When she married Michael, I took off for a few days. Alone.

I needed the space. I couldn’t watch her marry that creep, knowing he would have his hands on her, be inside her, kissing her and lying with her.

I tortured myself with images of them together. The women I fucked were bodies with her face in my mind. I chose women the opposite of her to help me forget. It was impossible because she has always lived rent free in my head. She always did.

There has never been another woman like Clara in my life, which is why I use the willing ones for sex and nothing else.

I receive a call from Jet,who kept it short but told me Emilio was probably on his way over here with a gun loaded with bullets and an agenda.

We wasted no time and placed the premises on lockdown and took up our positions on the perimeter, hidden from view.

When a Reaper warns, you listen and sure enough, Emilio turns up with several of his men and wastes no time in peppering the bolted door with shots.

“Where’s Tanya!” He yells and I catch Razor’s eye and my gut twists with rage.

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