Page 67 of Saving You Losing Me

I shake my head. “She chose him—that life. So, it didn’t work out. What do you want me to do? She’s not my problem?”

I note the disappointment in his eyes. “So, you’re just gonna turn your back on her. I had you down as more of a man than that. Where we come from, we push our feelings aside and do what’s right. Whatever her husband’s done, she’s not a part of it. That woman came to me for help not days ago. She was desperate and saw me ride into town and saw her chance.”

“What did she say?”

“She wanted me to dispose of him. Get him out of her life because she was frightened. She was desperate and had the look of a woman who was failing to hold things together. I turned her down. I turned my back on her and carried on without givingher a second thought. She wasn’t my problem, and I wasn’t for hire. She has no one, and yet I still didn’t see just how serious her situation was. By all accounts, this beating wasn’t the first, and she had no one to help her. Her own family doesn’t want to know, and she has no friends. I know there’s history between you, but can’t you at least push that aside and provide her with the protection she needs to get back on her feet?”

Fuck! It’s as if Jet tossed a grenade into my heart and blew what was left of it into hell. I always hoped he was good to her. She certainly had everything money could buy, but knowing he laid one finger on her in anger is like a dart to my conscience. She had no one. Like me.

For ten years, we have been living side by side in this town, both believing the other was thriving. Both in our own personal hell, with no one to confide in. As it turns out, I was the lucky one after all, but it changes nothing about how I feel toward her. She walked away and chose him over me, and I can never forgive her for that.

Jet is waiting for my answer, so I shrug. “I need to see her first before I make any decision.”

He nods. “She’s at Lucy’s apartment.”

With a heart full of pain, I kick my chair away and growl. “Let’s go.”

It uses all of my strength to make the ride to Lucy’s apartment. So many reasons why I should turn back raise questions like red flags in my mind. I’m not strong enough to deal with this shit. I can fight a guy and rip up my fists. I can fight for my club and my business until the end of time—but this. It’s personal, and I’ve spent the past ten years shutting emotion down and now Pandora’s Box is about to be opened, it’s sure to be an extremely bad idea.

We park up,and it’s as if my world’s just ended.

We head upstairs and just before we reach the door, I say harshly, “Can you give us a moment before I make my decision?”

He nods and I smile ruefully. “A lot of history with that one. I’m not sure how I’ll feel seeing her again.”

He pats me on the shoulder and nods. “It’s fine. Do what’s right, Atom. That’s all we can ask.”

CHAPTER 35

CLARA

Iam so grateful to Lucy and Jet. It appears that strangers have more compassion than supposed friends, and I will never forget their kindness.

I’m used to dealing with my own shit because since leaving Atom and agreeing to Michael’s ultimatum, I have been painfully alone. If I regret one moment in my life, it was the one where I broke Atom’s heart. I hated the devastation in his eyes and that scene has haunted me ever since. To destroy the man you love in order to save him is a choice I would make again in a heartbeat. I just never appreciated that in saving him I lost me.

I sacrificed our happiness for his life and I will never regret that. We may not be together, but he breathes the same air as me. We live close by and there isn’t a day that passes when I don’t search for him in a crowd.

I’ve often seen him passing on his bike while I stared with longing through a shop window. I listened for any word of him and prayed I would never witness him laughing with another woman.

The woman who should have been me.

I craved the times I saw him and was hungry for information, but in ten years I can count on one hand the moments I got my wish.

It’s as if he disappeared. Is a recluse and I’m so nervous at Jet’s suggestion to go to him for help. He’ll never agree. I must prepare myself for that and with a deep sigh, I head off to find Lucy.

I find her in the kitchen, and she smiles warmly as she hands me a mug of coffee. “Here, you look as if you could use this. Maybe you’d like a spot of brandy in it to take away the edge.”

I smile gratefully. “Thanks, Lucy. I don’t deserve your kindness, but I want you to know it means an awful lot to someone who rarely sees it.”

She nods toward the couch. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“Then start by telling me about Atom.”

I try not to let her words get to me, but a lone tear escapes as I whisper, “He was my first love. The guy my parents warned me about and the man I craved more than air.”

I shrug. “I came from a privileged upbringing. My father was a big shot in town and well respected and I was one ofthosegirls. You know, the one that had everything and popular because of it. I was one of the cool kids and had the biggest parties and the best clothes. My friends came from the same mold, and my parents expected a lot from me. Then I met Atom and suddenly I wanted what he gave me.”

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