Page 75 of Saving You Losing Me

If she needed to know anything, I delivered it via Razor who is shit at hiding his concern over the situation. He has lived through this with me and is hating every second of it.

He’s worried. He’s a good loyal friend, but we must face facts. Without Michael Santobello running the show, Emilio will step up and things may change. Until now The Angels have been left alone but Emilio may not be so inclined.

He knows she is here. Clara and her little girls.

I’ve kept away for a reason because seeing her was bad enough, but seeing his kids, knowing he made them with Clara, is something I don’t want to dwell on too much.

Razor and Diesel are crowded inside the office along with Billy, and the air is tense.

“What do you know?”

I address Razor and he frowns. “One of the prospects told me Emilio leased a warehouse on the East Side and is operating from there. He has wasted no time in continuing where they left off and is reminding everyone that Michael may be gone, but heis very much still trading. He always was a violent motherfucker and has increased the pressure. Now he’s the big man he’s throwing his weight around and it won’t be long before he comes knocking on our door.”

“He tried that once and left with a few bullet holes in his transport.” Billy adds with a smirk. “This time, we have something of value. Clara has all the businesses and the money that Emilio had a hand in creating. He will be working out a plan to get them and my guess is she may be forced to swap one bastard husband for another.”

His words pour unexpected acid on my soul at the thought of that creep anywhere near Clara, or her innocent kids. Once was bad enough, losing her to that life, but she has a chance to be free of it and she’ll be Emilio D’Angelo’s over my dead body.

The guys won’t meet my eye and I’m aware they are antsy. It’s been bad enough living with me since Clara moved in, let alone the threat of repercussions on our business and members.

I’ve avoided Clara, but my temper has been frayed and I’ve been a bear to be around. I drown my sorrows in the liquor bottle most nights and pick fights with anyone who catches my eye.

To make matters worse, I don’t want any of the usual women I seek out because they don’t interest me anymore. Subsequently, my balls are heavy and I jerk off in the shower most nights with only one face pictured on my mind. The woman who is destroying me all over again, and she doesn’t even know it.

“What are you thinking?” Diesel asks, his thoughtful expression reminding me how much I value him as one of my inner circle. He is quiet most of the time and gets on with business, and I’m aware that Candy is forming a close bond with Clara, judging from the whispers in the bar.

“I’m thinking this shit needs sorting.”

I stand and run my fingers through my hair. “Is Clara home?”

The guys exchange worried frowns, and Razor nods slowly.

“She is, but so are her girls.”

They try to pretend they hate them being here, but I’ve seen them interacting with those pretty girls in the yard. Their excited squeals drag me to the window overlooking the yard, where Diesel and Candy take them to give Clara a break. Diesel made up a swing from one of his tires and his laughter joined with Candy’s as they played with the girls, who even dragged a smile from my bitter lips.

I chuckled when Diesel gave them piggy back rides and pretended to be a monster as he chased them around the yard.

I watch them often, their high-pitched squeals alerting me when they are playing and I find myself edging toward the window and observing from afar. It hurts my heart knowing that was taken from me as well. Clara destroyed our family when she made another one with a man who didn’t deserve it.

The guys are concerned. I see it in their eyes and I sigh heavily.

“Let’s get this over with.”

I head to the door and say over my shoulder, “Stick around. I’ll try to figure out a plan because this shit needs sorting.”

CHAPTER 41

CLARA

Sophia is the sweetest child and as she sits coloring at the table overlooking the yard, my heart swells with love for her. Maria is playing with her doll and stroller by the door, her soft voice chattering away in the land of make believe. I am preparing lunch for them as I do most days on the weekend. Our lives have changed immeasurably, and yet they have never questioned our circumstances.

The hardest thing in my life was telling them their daddy had passed. It was unbearable heartache as I whispered the words, knowing I was the one responsible for putting him there.

They cried for a short time and then accepted it with the pragmatism of youth. If anything, it hasn’t affected them at all and they appear to love it here.

Their smiles are wider, their laughter more often, and their excitement for our temporary new life contagious.

They adore Candy, who it appears feels the same and I am so grateful to her and Diesel for the happiness they give to the girls.

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