Page 79 of Saving You Losing Me

I’m not even sure why I came here because the last time was when I hunted Clara through its decaying rooms.

Ten years have not treated this place kindly. If anything, it’s holding on by a few rusty nails and only a fool would take his chance in heading inside.

Well, call me a fool because I park my bike and as I push open the door, a shiver of nostalgia greets me. This was our beginning, and it had to be here.

I never told her why this place fascinates me so much. It was the legend of the gold that kept me coming back. I was intrigued by the story and convinced it was buried somewhere on this property. For a man who came from nothing, it was a mighty carrot on a stick and then when Clara agreed to ride with me, the house took on a new meaning.

I trail through the rooms remembering how I felt that night. The gold in this house was in human form and I was following the trail. I brought her here to show her what I could offer her. I came from the streets and hers were paved with gold. If we would stand a chance of being together, she needed to exist in my world. I had no gold, no fancy houses or cars. No trust fund or membership to a country club.

The rats scurry at my feet as I reflect on my reasoning. I truly believed if she squealed or demanded I take her home, screwed up her pretty little nose in distaste and berated me for my choice, I would know then she wasn’t the girl for me. I wasn’t the one for her, but she shocked me by proving otherwise.

A floorboard creaks as the vermin remind me this is their home now and the ghosts howl around me, reminding me what a fool I was to even attempt using their resting place to test the living.

Now Clara is facing a similar choice in the home I always wanted us to share and I have no fucking clue what her answer will be, anymore than I did ten years ago in this haunted house.

CHAPTER 43

CLARA

I’m in shock. Marry Atom.

I watched him go without another glance in my direction and a thousand questions follow him.

Why does he want to help me?

To get you to leave.

That inner voice tells me what my heart came to terms with the moment we stood in Lucy’s apartment. Atom wanted me once, but that day has passed. He is angry, tortured even and trying to do the right thing while protecting his pride.

I wander back into the apartment and Sophia says innocently, “Who was that, mommy?”

“Atom.” His name leaves my lips and brings tears to my eyes. One word that meant, and still does, everything. I loved him hard and deep and sacrificed our future to save him. He doesn’t see it that way and, ironically, is doing exactly the same now.

“Will he come back soon?” Maria asks, her innocent eyes staring at me with hope.

“Of course.”

I turn away and attempt to carry on where I left off and start clearing away the lunchtime mess.

“Candy told me Atom is the boss here. What does that mean, mommy?” Sophia asks, and I take a deep breath.

“She’s right, honey. Atom is known as the president of the club. They call it The Dark Angels and he’s the boss because he started it.”

“The Dark Angels.” Sophia sounds excited.

“I love that name. I love angels.”

“But angels aren’t dark, Sophia.” Maria says sweetly. “They are white with white wings. They are pretty, too. I love angels.”

I switch off as my mind is full of the past. He called me his Dark Angel. I am the person he named his club after and Maria is right. Angels are considered good, sweet, and kind. The white versions are anyway. Even then, he knew I had a dark soul. Why else would he call me that?

Now he has made me an offer. My second one from two very different men for polar opposite reasons.

Michael wanted me to further his standing in the town. He wanted what I could do for him, a business arrangement if you like.

Atom is offering the same deal because of what he can do for me. He was right. In saving me, I lose him. What he doesn’t realize is that I made the same decision ten years ago. I saved him and lost myself because of it.

Will I marry him to solve the problem that goes by the name of Emilio D’Angelo? Will I use him when I know it’s the last thing he wants, or should I revert to Plan A and leave town? Go abroad and start again, far away from my problems and the two men who have their own reasons for making me their wife and none of them acceptable ones.

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