Page 82 of Saving You Losing Me

Her words hover against the icy air, and I raise my eyes. “Will what, darlin’.’’

My speech is slurred, courtesy of the bottle of bourbon set by my side, and she looks down.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t the right time. It’s just, well, I couldn’t sleep and thought it was safe to venture down here and get something to, well, help me.”

I hand her the glass I’ve been drinking from for hours. “Is this what you came here for?”

She hesitates before her fingers brush against mine as she accepts the glass with a shy smile.

“It is.”

I watch like a lovesick kid as she wraps those tantalizing lips around the glass and as she takes a swig, her eyes roll back in her head and she coughs. “Fuck, Atom. Is this gasoline?”

“Not fancy enough for you?”

I grasp the bottle and chuck some of the contents down my throat.

“Perhaps coffee would work better.”

She moves behind the bar and flicks on the coffee machine.

I watch her with a keen interest because seeing Clara in my jacket, the insignia emblazoned across her back, causes a lump to form in my throat.

She is exactly where I pictured her, even before she knew I had started the painting.

It was always her. The image of perfection in my mind and I drag a ragged breath as years of longing reach boiling point.

She turns and her sweet smile falters when she registers the storm in my eyes. Her mouth drops slightly, and she bites her lower lip as she whispers, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.”

As I ease off the stool, she visibly gasps and I round the bar and back her against the counter, imprisoning her against my chest, my arms caging her in as she stares at me with a deep longing in her eyes.

I reach out and stroke her beautiful face as if she’s a ghost. Not really here, just a beautiful apparition of when I had her heart.

She says nothing and, if anything, leans a little closer, her soft breath dusting my rough jawline.

It’s as if perfection is one short breath away and then she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

I say nothing and she whispers, “I should have trusted you to keep me safe the first time.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

Our gazes collide and her lip trembles against her confession.

“They told me he would ruin you.”

“They?” I want her to tell me. Say the words that caused the ultimate betrayal.

“My parents. Michael and his father had something on my father that would ruin him and unless I agreed to marry Michael, he would use it to bring my family down.”

I say nothing, her words feeding the constant storm that rages in my soul.

“Then there was you.”

She draws in a deep breath. “Michael was the one who bought your home. If I didn’t agree, he would also buy The Darkside from under you with an offer the previous owner wouldn’t be able to refuse. Then he would murder Tanya and when he had taken everything you loved, he would kill you.”

Tears trickle from her eyes that I brush gently away as the truth bleeds a river from its cage.

“I had no choice, Atom. I would always save you, put you first and I will not apologize for that. You told me that in saving me, I would lose you. Well, that’s old news because I did it first and let me tell you, I would do it again rather than lose you forever.”

---