Page 72 of Saving You Losing Me

ATOM

Icertainly never thought this one through because the only way we’re getting to The Darkside is with Clara behind me on the bike holding on tight.

I take a deep breath because, for fuck’s sake, this will be the most torturous ride of my life.

She is quiet, words deserting her as she gazes with trepidation at our method of transport, the same thoughts probably running through her head as mine.

With an irritable sigh, I slide onto the bike and jerk my head in her direction.

“Don’t waste my time. We have a lot to organize.”

She remains silent as she edges onto the bike, careful not to touch any part of my body, and I sigh with irritation.

“I don’t fucking bite, darlin’, so slide those arms around my waist unless you’ve got a death wish. I ride fast and I shouldn’t have to remind you of that.”

I prepare for the onslaught to my senses and as her hands tentatively wrap around my waist, I briefly close my eyes and try to remember how to breathe. Fuck! This is torture. Pure unadulterated torture that I never realized would affect me so much.

It’s as if an angel has wrapped her wings around my battered soul and is holding it protectively. Shutting out the demons, keeping me safe inside, not realizing the greatest demon I should fear the most, is the one disguised as an angel.

No good will come of this. I already know that and with a soft grunt, I fire up my bike in the hope it distracts me enough to get us back to The Darkside in one piece.

If I thought the pain would end with the wind’s breath against my face, I was wrong. I can think of nothing else but the woman pressed behind me. Her arms holding me tightly and her face buried into my back. It’s familiar. Too damn familiar and as if the past ten years never happened.

I wish I could close my eyes and transport us back to when we were happy. It’s obvious her decision never brought her happiness, and I’m surprised how tormented I am knowing she has suffered. We both have, which is why this is a very bad idea—but it’s the right one. So much has happened since then and we must forget the past and concentrate on setting Clara back on her feet so she can be a mom to her two little girls.

Part of me wants this over with—quickly. The other never wants it to end. I have pictured this moment many times over the years, hating my thoughts and trying to drown them in the bottom of a beer bottle.

She is the craving I could never shake. The itch that needs permanent scratching. The air inside my lungs that turned toxic when she left and the beat of my heart that has slowed over the years. She, as it turns out, was irreplaceable and I wonder what her reaction will be upon seeing exactly what my life is now. Since her. Since she chose another man.

We reachThe Darkside and I pull up beside Razor’s bike and steel myself for the shit that’s about to go down.

Clara releases me as if I burn and slides off the bike, catching her breath. From the anguish in her eyes and the difficulty she has breathing, I’m sorry that I never considered her injuries.

“You need a doctor.”

“Possibly.” Her eyes are wide as she stares at the place I call home.

“Not exactly what you’re used to, darlin’.” My tone is dismissive and cutting and she shrugs.

“Thank God.”

For a moment she catches my eye and I note the deep yearning in hers and I tear my gaze away. She won’t drag me back there. Once was bad enough, but I will never be broken again.

“Follow me.”

I’m cold and abrupt and god-damned hurting inside. This is a test I never studied for and I have a feeling failure could come easily.

We head inside and Candy appears from out of nowhere.

“Atom, Razor wants a–” She breaks off when she realizes I have company and her eyes widen and the blood drains from her face when she sees who it is.

Everyone here knows our history, and I register the concern in Candy’s eyes as she looks between us in confusion.

“Take Clara and settle her into the guest apartment. Then call the doctor and arrange some supplies. She’s staying indefinitely.”

Candy gasps, but I don’t waste time enlightening her as I stalk away without one glance in Clara’s direction.

Fuck this, I need a drink.

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