Page 38 of Loving Jake

“I’ll meet you back at the nursery. And Carly,” he added before he walked away, “You don’t need to worry about Kimberly. I’m not going to harm her. I love her too much to everhurt her again.” Jake walked away, and he realized for the first time in his life, he had rendered Carly Urbane speechless.

Jake knocked twiceon the door before he opened it. His eyes immediately zeroed in on Kimberly.

Even though her eyes were closed, he could see the dark smudges beneath them. She had to be exhausted. She had been through so much over the last few hours.

Despite all she had been through, she looked beautiful lying against the stark white hospital sheets, her dark hair fanned against the pillow. He stared at her for several minutes, as an array of emotions soared through him.

One moment he wanted to rage at Kimberly, demanding to know why she had kept their child a secret from him, and then, a split second later he wanted to gather her into his embrace and never let her go.

He crossed the room and sat down in the chair next to her bed. His decision was made. Their hearts were going to win this time. He would make sure of it. Whatever her reasons were, and he was pretty sure he knew most of them, they no longer mattered. They were going to get through this, he silently vowed.

Jake took a deep breath. He ached to hold her hand in his own, to press a soft kiss on the inside of her wrist.

Kimberly’s eyes fluttered open, and just as quickly closed, as she fought off the exhaustion consuming her. She slowly turned her head. She winced, and he realized that she likely battled the headache of a lifetime and even the briefest of movements had sent a searing pain throughout her head.

“Jake,” she whispered to his bent head.

He was stooped over in the chair beside her bed, his headcradled in the palms of his hands, when he heard her voice call out his name, a soft caress against his skin.

He looked up at her. He was confused and uncertain, and his voice reflected it. “Kim.”

Her beautiful brown eyes stared longingly at him, all the love she held for him for most of her life reflected in her gaze. He swallowed, hard.

“Jake,” she began and winced at the pain that had to have come from hitting her head on the pavement.

“Kim, what is it? I’ll call for the doctor.” He started to stand when the soft command in her voice stopped him.

“No, it’s all right. I just have a terrible headache. The nurse was in a little while ago and gave me something for it. I guess it just hasn’t kicked in yet.”

Jake’s sigh of relief was audible. He reached out and brushed a strand of hair off of her forehead. She was in pain, and he was helpless to do anything but let her get some sleep. He should let her rest and come back later after she felt better. He told her as much, only to have her protest his suggestion.

“No, please, Jake. We need to talk about Zachary and… and everything,” she whispered in a soft plea.

“Kim, you’re in pain, you need to rest.”

“No, I need to do this more. Jake,” she began, only to stop when her tears began to cloud her eyes and clog her throat. “I’m sorry, … I should have told you. I know that now. But I knew you would feel obligated to come home and take care of us, and I, I didn’t want you to sacrifice yourself by being tied down to someone you didn’t love just for the sake of our child. I couldn’t do that to you, to any of us.”

Jake wiped the tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. He felt like he had just been punched in the stomach. “Kim.” His eyes glistened with unshed tears. His foolish pride had brought them to this point, and he realized this hadn’t beenthe first time. He had called himself a thousand times a fool over the last six months, and in his mind, it was well deserved. How could he have told her that he didn’t love her, when he loved her more than life itself?

“Kim, please don’t say you’re sorry. You never were or will be just an obligation to me. I was wrong to leave you like I did.” He grasped her hand into his own and clutched onto it like a lifeline.

“Jake—"

“No, please let me finish,” he interrupted. “I need to tell you this, something I should have done six months ago.” He took a deep, shuddering breath, “My feelings for you terrified me, Kim. I knew I could never repeat the life I had with my ex-wife. I couldn’t survive that again. I wanted to believe you loved me as much as you said you did, but somewhere in my battered heart was a part of me that just refused to believe it. I refused to hope that we could have a future together.”

“Jake. I told you?—"

“Shh.” He brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen across her cheek and then pressed his fingertips to her soft lips. “I have to say this. It’s my fault you’re lying here now, bruised and hurting, when instead, this should be the happiest day of your life.”

He bent his head over their embraced hands and kissed her palm. “I love you.” He kissed the inside of each of her wrists. “I love you, so much.” His body shook with all the emotion he had finally allowed himself to release.

“Jake.” She removed her hands from his and wrapped them around the back of his neck. “I love you too.” She pulled him to her and hugged him tightly against her.

“I’ve been so afraid.” Her voice cracked, and the sound shot through him like a knife to his heart. He pressed his eyes closed.

“I thought you would hate me for not telling you about the baby. Please forgive me, Jake. I was so confused.”

“Kimberly.” He opened his eyes and pulled himself out of her embrace to lower her back down against the pillows. She stared up at him expectantly, and he grasped each of her hands. “First of all, I could never hate you. I’ll admit I was upset and more than a little confused when I left your house this afternoon. I still don’t understand any of it, but I could never hate you. I love you, and that will never change.” He bent over her and pressed a tender kiss to her lips, reluctant to pull away.

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