Page 72 of The Moonlight Healers

“I am,” Helene said. It was physically painful, to know in a matter of days or weeks he would die again, that she had brought him back only to be in hiding in this cold, wet cave. Remorse flooded her for failing to take Vogel’s life. She could have been here right now to give Thomas his life back. And instead she was here to say goodbye. She looked down at his leg, at the ease with which he stood, all traces of his wound gone.

He followed her gaze. “Bizarre, isn’t it? Hurt like hell the last time I saw you. They told me it was infected, that I had bacteremia. That’s the last thing I remember…” He trailed off. “I don’t really understand it, to be honest. I woke up in the back of a garbage truck covered with a sheet,” he said as a little bit of the old light flickered back. “How did you get here?”

Helene tried to smile. “Nothing as exciting as that.”

Thomas glanced at Cecelia, who knelt beside a wounded soldier at the back. “Here I thought I was living a life filled with danger. And you were some innocent girl. All along you were the brave one.”

“I’m not.” Nearly every decision she had made in the last week, bringing Thomas back, failing to kill Vogel, had been out of panic and fear, not bravery.

“They would shoot you for this,” Thomas said, serious. “Don’t be modest. It doesn’t suit you. You’re remarkable, Helene.”

From the back of the cave, Cecelia addressed Helene. “We’ll need to be going.”

Helene looked at Thomas as the night slipped away from her, as she felt him begin to blur at the edges, as though already only a memory. She fought to hold on to the present, onto Thomas, and for a moment, she could almost pretend they were back onthe beach, not as it was in Dieppe, but a beach a thousand miles and years from the war, just the two of them together with the rocks and the waves, and he was only a boy asking her to talk to him in the glittering sun.

“Can’t you stay a little longer?” he asked, as though reading her mind. She saw it in his eyes too, the reverberation of their first meeting, the acknowledgment of the strangers they were that day, of how in the chaos and brutality of war that one conversation, all of their conversations, were precious.

“It’s not safe.”

“Then come back.”

“But you’ll be gone.” She couldn’t meet his eyes when she lied to him, even if it was for his own peace of mind. Outside, the sea slammed against the rocks below, violent and restless. “They’ll get you out by then.”

“Come with us then. You can get out too.”

If things were different, if Thomas had a full life ahead of him, she could almost envision a world where she said yes, where she left everyone and everything behind, created a new life in Canada, or America, away from the ugliness of the war. But a part of her knew that even then, even if such a future existed, she couldn’t abandon Irene, or her mother and grandfather, even Cecelia, who despite everything had trusted her enough to bring her to see Thomas. “I can’t leave. This is my home.”

Thomas made a soft noise. “Not right now it’s not. They took it away from you. We’ll get you out and then you and I can go anywhere you’d like. Anywhere in the world.”

Helene smiled. Thomas was a little more weary than he had been in Rouen, but he was also the same, so trusting that the world was malleable, that he could mold it into whatever form he chose. “It’s still my home,” she said. She bit her lip until she could taste the slight metallic tang of blood, punishment for the loss of the boy in front of her, and her part in it.

Cecelia made the sign of the cross on the forehead of one ofthe men and stood up. “It’s time,” she said, her voice loud and carrying in the confined space.

Helene suddenly felt the weight of Thomas’s hand in her own. It rooted her to the spot, as though she were a part of her surroundings, part of the vast white cliffs, and the sea itself. She looked up at him, and she remembered why she was here. She wanted to spend however long was left of the war fighting back. She wanted to be brave. And even though it broke her heart, she couldn’t waste one more second while Thomas was still in this world.

In one swift motion, she reached up and kissed him. At first he was too stunned to react, but then he wrapped his arms around her as though he had done it before. Helene didn’t care that the others were watching. All she could do was hold him there, the beat of his heart next to her own, imprint every last detail into her soul.

Thomas gazed at their hands, still intertwined, wonder softening his features. “I’ll come back then. And I’ll win this whole godforsaken thing for you.”

Helene smiled, desperate to keep the night from swirling forward. All they had was this small moment.

“This will end, Helene. There will be an after. And you’ll have a big, beautiful life. That I know for certain. More than anything.”

Helene nodded as her throat tightened and eyes burned. “Be safe, Thomas.”

Thomas squeezed her hand. “And you.”

Helene heard Cecelia’s footsteps behind her, but she couldn’t bring herself to let go of Thomas’s hand.

“I have to go.”

Thomas held her eyes, as though he too were trying to memorize her face.

“You said that already.”

“We can’t be late, Helene. Our driver will be waiting.”

She took a deep breath. “Goodbye then.”

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