Page 9 of The Moonlight Healers

She wanted to tell him everything. He was the only one in her life she could always be honest with, who knew about the stretches of darkness that consumed her house in the years after they moved, who had always been there waiting in the chaos of his own loud, messy home, ready to welcome her in. But she felt the words lodge inside of her. She didn’t even understand yet what her mother had told her in the kitchen, or all of the implications. So, she told him the one true thing she could. “I thought you were gone. But I couldn’t let you go.”

Without a word Peter leaned through the window and wrapped his arms around her. He held her so tight that it hurt, but Louise didn’t care. She breathed deeply into his shoulder, the smell of his laundry detergent mixing with the smell of hospital, alcohol, and bleach and plastic.

“Thank you,” Peter murmured into her hair. “It feels so stupid to say that. It’s not enough. It will never be enough. But I still have to say it.”

The weight of his arms, the pressure of his chest against hers, she wished desperately she could reverse time, go back before the accident, to the party, to when he told her he loved her. If she could change that one moment, she could change everything that had followed.

Abruptly, Peter let go. Louise could sense his embarrassment, as though he too were remembering the party, what he said, what she didn’t.

“It’s a little blurry,” he said without meeting her eyes. “But, in the car, before the crash. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I know I was being a jerk.”

It seemed irrelevant now, to argue about college. Peter was alive. It was all that mattered. “No, I’m the one who should be apologizing. I should never have said… I don’t think you’re a screwup, Peter. You’re one of the smartest people I know. I just wanted you to shut up and—”

“Why don’t we just call an asshole truce?” he said, waving her away before she could finish.

Louise could tell he was uncomfortable with her attempts to smooth over what she’d said earlier. Nothing made Peter more self-conscious than his struggles in school, especially when he always compared himself to Louise and his older brothers, one of whom was in law school and the other premed.

“I wasn’t at my best either,” he continued. “And I know you can decide what you want to do. You don’t need my advice.I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have brought up the stuff with your mom… It wasn’t—”

“It’s fine,” Louise interrupted. She didn’t need him to rationalize it or try to apologize. She only wanted to pretend the conversation had never happened, tuck his words away in a dark, secret place where she wouldn’t ever have to wonder about them. “We don’t need to talk about it.”

“Okay, so then what do I owe you?” Peter said abruptly. “I mean, would a cheeseburger do? Gift card? I think twenty-five dollars is probably sufficient for saving my life, right?”

“I think I deserve at least fifty dollars.”

Peter nodded and played with his hospital bracelet. “I’m exhausted. I need to go to sleep, and my mother will kill me if she knows I broke out of invalid jail. I just wanted to check to see how you were.”

“I’m okay, really. It’s just been a long night.” She motioned toward the sky, the lighter shade of blue at the edges. “Almost morning.” She didn’t know what else to say to him, how to lie, pretend the landscape of their relationship hadn’t drastically shifted.

“Well, after I sleep until at least noon, I’ll call you. Maybe we can try the pool thing again.” He winced. “Only my car is totaled…so…”

Louise started to nod, but then recalled her conversation with her mother.I’m a healer. And your grandmother. And you, it seems.She can explain itbetter than me.“I’m not going to be here later, actually. I’m going to Crozet with my mom.”

Peter cocked his head in confusion. “To…?”

“To visit my grandmother.”

“With your mother?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure you don’t have a concussion?”

Louise rolled her eyes. “I am not concussed. It was my mom’s idea.” She paused, aware that she would have to lie to him. Peterknew that her mother and grandmother had almost no relationship, that they barely spoke to each other.

“She wants to try harder,” Louise said as she chewed on her lip, hoping he wouldn’t see through the lie. “I think it was the accident. Shook her up. So yeah, I said we could go see her.”

He watched her closely. “Okay, that’s weird, and random, but fine. What about the plans we made for this week, though? Midnight movie at the Byrd. Float night at the pool. This is our last week together… I mean…”

Louise was surprised to hear the urgency in his voice. Peter had never needed her the way she needed him. He had other friends, people he could easily call up to grab a meal or go see a movie. “I’ll be back tomorrow night, at the latest. I promise. I just have to take care of some family stuff.”

She knew how vague she was being, but she didn’t know what else to say to him, how to explain that she had to see her grandmother to find out why he was alive.

Peter remained unconvinced, but finally he nodded. “Call me when you get back?”

“Of course.”

When he was gone, Louise lay back down on her bed and absently rubbed her shoulder. The pain was only a distant echo, like the last soft rumbles of thunder after a storm. She stared at the ceiling, at the glow-in-the-dark stickers she’d put up years earlier, her own private sky, littered with stars.

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