Page 62 of A Raven Returns

“I was just thinking about how much I love you.”

She sat back then, and looked into his eyes. “You can love me without feeling guilty, you know. First of all, you didn’t send me away. I took a position, in a good household, mind you. And second, none of this would have ever happened between us if I had stayed here. I always would have been just one of the many ladies you’ve saved.”

He scoffed and lifted her chin gently. “You were never just one of many, Gwen. You were always special, from the moment I grabbed your wrist when you tried to run off with my watch. I had never been tempted by any of the ladies I’d brought here before. It had always been easy to set myself apart, but not with you.” He pressed a soft kiss against her lips. “I always wanted you in ways that were inappropriate.”

“I didn’t help any with that. I wanted you too, and flirted endlessly with you. You were always telling me off for it.” She giggled. “But that’s why I needed to go. This never would have happened between us under those circumstances. You never would have allowed it, no matter how tempted you were.”

He nodded slowly. She was right, of course. Not that it eased his conscience any.

“And if I hadn’t ended up with Greg, I would never have found myself in your cabin, just waiting to be rescued by you once again.”

“Well, thank God for that, at least.” He wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“Will you tell me what happened with him?” she asked quietly.

“He and his wife have apparently gone to the continent.”

“As interesting as that is, it wasn’t really what I was asking.”

He knew what she was asking, of course. She wanted to know what Ash had done to him. “Are you sure you want to know?”

She nodded against his chest. Perhaps it would make it a little easier if he didn’t have to look her in the eye, but he would still spare her the gory details if he could. Not that he would change any of it. He would always protect the people he cared about, no matter what he had to do. He harbored no guilt or shame for his actions in that regard.

“You understand that I had to punish him, right? Not only because he hurt you, but to make sure he didn’t just run off and do the same thing to another woman.”

She sat up and cupped her hand around his cheek. Her fingers were cool and her touch so tender. Her smile not one of pity or disgust, but one of pride. “My wonderful Ash. Saving women who you don’t even know from a monster who never should have been your responsibility.”

He shook his head with a sigh. “You make me sound like a savior, Gwen. That, I am not. I took far too much pleasure in bringing that man pain to ever actually be that.”

“You still haven’t told me what you did.”

So much for being able to say it without looking into her eyes. There they were, looking straight into his soul, waiting for his confession.

“I flogged him,” he said with a shrug. “My men found a leather strap, hanging from a bookshelf, in the study of the house you lived in.” Her eyes grew wide and she breathed in a shaky breath. His jaw clenched at the confirmation that it had been used on her. And then she ducked her head.

“So they know? Your men know that I was punished by him?”

She was embarrassed. “Gwen, look at me.” She hesitated a moment, but did eventually raise her eyes to his. “This is not your shame to bear.”

She gasped and her hand shot to her mouth. “Fogg knows. He knows everything, doesn’t he?” Her cheeks flamed red.

Ash took hold of her hands. He wasn’t going to lie. She needed to understand that Fogg was someone she could trust. “Yes. He was the one who gave me the strap. Gwen, I know you don’t know him very well, but Fogg is a good man. Perhaps not in the traditional sense, but he’s loyal to me, and therefore to you. He’s a good man to have on your side. You have no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed.”

She buried her face in her palms. “But I was such a badly behaved wife that my husband had to punish me. Repeatedly. It’s embarrassing that people know that.”

“No, that isn’t what happened, Gwen,” Ash said firmly. He pulled her hands away and waited for her to look up at him. “Setting aside the fact that he never was your husband, you did not do anything to earn the beatings that he inflicted upon you. He abused you. Do you understand?”

Her brow was furrowed. She was struggling to accept what he was saying. It broke his heart that she actually blamed herself for any of it.

“Did I deserve the beatings my father gave me?”

“Of course you didn’t!” Ash simply raised a brow and watched as, slowly, understanding and acceptance settled over her features. She nodded and leaned back into his embrace. “How many strokes did you give him?”

He rubbed his hand in slow circles over her back. “I don’t know. I lost count,” he admitted.

“Good,” she said after a moment. “He promised me fifty strokes if I came back, so I hope it was a lot.”

“I’m sure it was at least that many.” He pressed a kiss against the top of her head.

---