Page 37 of A Raven Returns

“No. I don’t get a pass just because my father was a beast.”

Gwen raised her beautiful, pale brows. “From the moment you realized your behaviors might be hurtful, how many women have you done that with?”

“That’s when I laid down rules for myself.”

“So, how many?”

“It doesn’t erase what I did, Gwen.”

“How many?” she said sternly.

He let out a shaky breath. “Just you.”

“And before me, when was the last time you were with a woman?”

“Why are we having this conversation, Gwen?” His voice was firm, but what he really felt was fear.

“How long, Ash?”

“Fourteen years. I don’t see why that matters.”

She closed her eyes. “You’ve been celibate for fourteen years because you’re terrified of hurting someone. You’ve convinced yourself that you’re a monster. This is your father’s legacy, Ash. You can’t allow it to devour your whole life.”

“What would you suggest I do, then, Gwen?” Anger was bubbling up inside of him. Anger at his father. Anger at Gwen for making him face his ghosts.

“I suggest you put your rules aside, at least for tonight, and allow me to help you heal.” She wiped the residual tears from his cheeks.

He was ashamed of his emotional outburst. “I’m sorry, Gwen. I’ve never cried like that before. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Well then, I’m so glad your first time was with me.” She pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. “What came over you was a lifetime of being strong in the face of tragedy, pain, and abuse. Those scars that I felt on your back, were those put there by your father?”

He nodded. Benson had left a few, but he wasn’t to blame. It was all his father’s doing. Ash sucked in a shuddering breath as he suddenly understood, that’s what Gwen had been saying about him and his actions.

“Those injuries on your back have healed, but the damage he did to your soul, that has been hidden away, still raw and bleeding. Perhaps tonight can be the first step in allowing those wounds to heal, as well.”

“Why do you show me so much kindness, Gwen?”

“I learned that from you.”

He jerked back.

“Is that really so hard to believe, Ash? You’ve only ever shown me kindness, even in my darkest hours. Even when I’ve poked, prodded, and teased you. Even this very night, you sacrificed your own wants and needs to ensure my greedy desires.”

“If you’re talking about what happened on the piano, that was certainly not a hardship.”

“Wasn’t it?” She reached between them, her hand gently settling against his trousers. His arousal immediately stirred at her soft caress. He grabbed her wrist and shook his head.

“Do you trust me, Ash?”

For a moment, he didn’t answer. “Yes, but I don’t trust me.”

“Well, I do trust you, and I want to feel this inside me.” She rubbed her hand against his growing erection. “I want to feel that connection. I want you to vanquish my dark memories of that act, and I want you to allow me to vanquish yours.”

His breathing accelerated as a combination of panic and excitement warred within him. Could he really make love to her? Could he allow himself to forget about his past transgressions, just for a night? He’d certainly like to make her forget about her past.

“Are you really certain, Gwen?”

Joy radiated, like rays of sunshine, from the smile that grew on her face. “I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”

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