Page 46 of A Raven Returns

Ash slowly pushed himself upright. He sat on the edge of the bed and scrubbed his hands over his face.

“I’m concerned about you, Ash. You’ve never once had a woman in your bed, the entire time I’ve been in your employ. You go to Woodburn Hall, and you have Gwen in your bed from the first night you arrive?”

“Yes, well, I’m back here now so that’s obviously not going to happen again. Now please tell me you brought coffee.”

“Of course I did,” he said, pouring a cup and handing it to him.

Ash took the cup and breathed in the wonderful aroma. “I could kiss you.”

Fogg grimaced. “I’d rather you didn’t, if it’s all the same.”

Ash glared at him, but he simply shrugged. “Well how am I supposed to be sure you won’t? Everything seems to be changing with you all of a sudden.”

Ash chuckled and shook his head. “You are an impudent arse, Fogg.”

“Would his lordship like to dress at some point today? It is past one, after all.”

“Christ.” He let out an aggravated sigh and took a large gulp of the hot coffee. “I need you to work your magic, Fogg. If Michael, Patrick, and Giles see me looking like this, they’ll be worse than you with their fretting.”

“I’ll certainly do my best, but I’ve never seen you look quite so…” His words trailed off and he simply tilted his head to the side.

Laughter surprised him. “Thanks, Fogg.” Ash was glad Fogg was back to his usual bantering. He’d feared their relationship might have changed at Woodburn as well.

A short while later, as Fogg was fastening the buttons on his waistcoat, Ash was feeling, and looking, much more himself. “I’m sure this goes without saying, Fogg, but what happened between Gwen and me at Woodburn, stays there. I don’t need that kind of gossip spreading around here.”

Fogg nodded. “It won’t come from me, but I’m afraid those kinds of things have a habit of finding their way about anyway.”

The familiar sensation of self-loathing burned in Ash’s belly. “I’m a bloody fool,” he muttered. He’d been naive believing they could come back to Raven House and everything would be just as it had been before. He’d likely damned Gwen to relentless speculation and gossip. All the ladies knew that he did not interact with them in a manner anything more than friendly and professional. If they learned that Gwen had been intimate with him, it would create all kinds of problems. “Christ.” He plunged a hand into his hair.

“I just straightened that,” Fogg admonished, but then he placed a gentle hand on Ash’s shoulder. “I won’t pretend to know what happened at Woodburn, but I know you, Ash. Whatever occurred, it came from a place of caring and compassion, not from malice.”

“My good intentions will not spare her from the consequences of my actions.”

“There is a way you could put it all to rest, you know.”

Ash dreaded the answer, but asked the question anyway. “How?”

“Marry her.”

Ash scoffed. “And damn her to a lifetime shackled to me? Not a chance. You just focus on finding the bastard who sent her back to me in the first place, so I can send him to hell where he belongs.”

“You know we will.”

An hour later, as Ash stood overlooking his club, his gaze was unfocused. Instead, words continued to play though his head. “Marry her.” And then it would be followed immediately by Gwen’s voice saying, “I don’t think I ever want to marry again.”

It didn’t matter anyway. This is what he was, the owner of a gaming hell. He wasn’t a husband. He wasn’t someone a woman could settle down with and have a family. He didn’t want that life. He didn’t want to risk becoming his father. Although, as the thought settled in his mind, he knew it to be false. After spending only a short time with Maggie, he knew he could never harm any child. Perhaps the belief he’d held his entire life, the fear that he was his father’s son and that the only thing keeping him from doing all the same, horrific things, was his strict set of rules. Perhaps that wasn’t real. Perhaps there was no monster inside of him that he had to keep at bay.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the backdoor closing. Patrick, Michael, and Giles all filed through the curtain onto the gaming floor. Michael looked up at him. “Are you going to join us?”

“Ash!” Giles said in surprise. “I didn’t know you were back!”

Apparently Patrick did know, because he wasn’t surprised to see him. Ash made his way down the stairs. The pain in his leg was finally feeling a little better today, and he didn’t have to rely on his cane as heavily. Michael and Giles brought all four of their drinks from the bar and set them around their usual table.

“Ash isn’t the only one back,” Patrick said as they settled into their seats. “Apparently Gwen arrived with him last night.”

“How do you know that?” Ash asked, trying not to sound accusatory, but failing.

Patrick raised a questioning brow. “I saw her this morning when I came to check in and make sure all was well at Raven House. Was it supposed to be a secret?”

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