Page 59 of A Raven Returns

“Since you’re awake, I’ll see to your fire,” Fogg said, and hurried into Ash’s bedroom.

Ash chuckled. “This is going to take some getting used to for him.”

“Does that mean this is going to be a common thing now?”

“Well, that’s what we need to discuss.” He let out a long sigh over the top of her head.

“That’s why I got out of bed. If I had stayed there, we’d probably be doing something else right now, rather than talking.”

“You might be right.” His lips nibbled on her ear as his hand reached inside her robe to find her breast. Even with the fabric of her nightgown as a barrier, it was beyond enticing.

“You are making this impossible.” She pulled his hand out of her robe and turned to face him.

“I’m sorry.” He reached for her hand. “I’ll behave myself.” He pulled her close. “If I ever get too pushy or do anything you don’t like or you don’t want, you will tell me, right?”

His look was so tender and concerned. It was obviously important to him. She cupped her hand around his cheek. “Of course, my love.”

He turned his head, his soft lips pressing against her palm. “Good.”

“So are we going to talk, Ash?”

“Perhaps we should put on proper clothes so we can have a proper conversation.”

Gwen removed her hands from his and took a step back. A flicker of doubt passed through her. “Why does it seem like you’re avoiding this conversation, Ash?”

He lowered his gaze with a sigh. “I suppose I am, a bit.” He looked into her eyes. “The truth is, I’m afraid. I don’t know what the right answers are here, and that’s never been the case for me before. I’ve always just known what I wanted and did whatever I had to do to make that happen.”

“So what’s different now?” Uncertainty made her voice more demanding than she’d meant it to be.

One side of his mouth quirked up in a soft smile. “Well, for starters, this isn't just about what I want. These decisions are just as much yours as they are mine.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “Here’s what I know to be undeniably true. I want you, Gwen. Not just in my bed, and not just for a moment. I want you forever by my side.”

Gwen braced her hands against her stomach, overwhelmed by his declaration. How could that possibly be? Those were the kind of words she’d dreamt of hearing from him for such a long time.

“And I also want this.” He held his hands out, gesturing to their surroundings. “I want this club. I want this life. I want to stand on that balcony and watch over people as they celebrate and play and gamble. I want my friends and my partners. I want to take in women and make sure they have a chance at a life that doesn’t involve selling their bodies or picking someone’s pocket.” He winked at her and her heart nearly burst with the love she felt for him.

He shrugged, suddenly looking crestfallen as sadness settled over him. “I don’t see how I can possibly have both. Not to mention, I have no idea what you want, and so,”—he breathed a deep sigh—“I’m afraid.”

“Oh, Ash. How can you be so brilliant and amazing and wonderful and also completely oblivious? I want those very same things you ridiculous man.”

“You do?”

She threw her head back in exasperation. “I told you I love this place, and I also told you I love you.”

“But what about a family? Children? I don’t believe I’m capable of providing you with that even if I did want it. With my history, and the fact that I’ve never produced any offspring, I’m guessing that won’t happen. I don’t want to deprive you of that, Gwen.”

She stepped forward and took both of his hands in hers. “If I haven’t become pregnant in the past year, I think it’s likely I’m barren, anyway. So the real question is what about your heir and your responsibilities to the title?”

He shrugged. “I never planned to have children, or even a wife for that matter. I will be taking a more active role in my estate, but I don’t think the next earl will come from my loins, and I don’t ever want to live there permanently.” He sighed. “As for you being barren, that is yet to be proven. Perhapsyouwere not the reason you didn’t conceive. He wasn’t able to successfully get his wife with child either. In which case, although I think it extremely unlikely, you could actually be pregnant even now, because I haven’t been very careful.” He ruffled his hands nervously through his hair.

“Would you be upset if I am carrying your child?” She hadn’t even considered the possibility before.

He swallowed as he looked at her. “I’ve never wanted children for fear that I may be to them what my father was to me. Although, I’m starting to believe that may not be true.”

“Of course it isn’t true. You would be an incredible father, Ash. I saw you with Maggie. You would dote on your own children, and they would love you.”

“This is not a place for raising children, Gwen.”

“Perhaps not, but it is a place to be proud of. It’s a place you could teach your sons to respect women of any status and a place you can teach your daughters that they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect no matter what. To teach your children that you are more than your title and that there is fulfillment in helping those less fortunate.”

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