Page 52 of Royal Rebel

“Nice to see you again, Phillip.” I keep my eyes cast downward. I don’t want to engage, and I feel like it’s the appropriate thing to do.

“What are your plans?” Tristan asks as we walk into the palace.

Immediately I notice how many people flank us. I can see some wearing badges. Aides, members of the press, and other security now that we’re here. It never occurred to me how many more people would be in our lives once we took up residence. It’s just one of the new things I’m going to have to get used to.

Shannon stands beside me as my hair is being fixed, reviewing the schedule we have over the next week and a half. She’s doing her best to keep me in the loop about what I’m wearing and where we’re expected to be. Tristan and I split up hours ago. Him to go talk to his father about the ceremony taking place tonight and me to get ready.

“My head is spinning,” I admit to her. “I knew this was going to be a lot, but I don’t think I realized how much it would actually be.”

“It’s understandable.” She hands me an energy drink with a straw in it. “But as long as you have me by your side, you’ll be fine. We’re in this together.”

I smile at her, grateful and thankful to have her with me. There’s only so much I can take on—on my own. To know she’s here, just in case I need her, is more than I know other people in my position have had.

All around me there are noises, voices of people speaking, it occurs to me they’re speaking at me, not to me. It’s too much to take on today, but I know if I want this nation to see me as their queen, I’ll have to stand up for myself. I take a fortifying drink of the water someone placed in front of me.It almost hurts to swallow, my throat is so dry. I’m not sure if it’s out of thirst or fear.

If I’m honest with myself I know the answer.

Fear.

I’m scared I’m going to fail. Not be the woman Tristan needs, not be the woman this country needs. What if I’m an embarrassment to women everywhere and not the empowering role model I want to be?

“Whatever is going through your head right now, leave it.” I hear Shannon. “You’ve gone pale as a ghost all of a sudden. Whatever you’re thinking about. Stop. You’re going to do amazingly. Tonight will be a success, and then you’ll have your wedding.”

“I’ll have Tristan.” I smile at her in the mirror.

“You’ll have Tristan,” she confirms.

Maybe that’s the scary part. I’m not sure I’ll ever really have him. There’s always going to be someone who needs him just as much as I do.

His loyalty will never truly be mine.

It will always lie with his country.

The thought scares me more than I’m willing to admit, but I just put a smile on my face. I pray no one sees what’s going on behind my eyes. Truth is; I’m terrified.

CHAPTER 31

TRISTAN

“She looks scared to death.”

His tone is accusatory, and it pisses me straight off. Not for me, but for her. There’s no reason he should be commenting on her, not when she’s the person he picked, and she’s going to be my wife. I’ve never stood up for anyone else. Toward the end, I should’ve stood up for my mother, but I didn’t. I regret it every single day, and I’ve promised myself I won’t have those same regrets when it comes to Amelia.

I turn to my father, facing him for the first time since we walked into his study. Actually, guess it’s my study now. It’ll take a while for me to get used to calling things that have always been his, mine. “Wouldn’t you be scared to death? Look at what she’s facing.” I sweep my arm across the room, hoping he understands the scope of everything involved with being the face of this country. “She’s doing a great job, handling everything that’s been thrown at her. Lesserwomen would have cracked under the pressure, but not her. She’s held it together, and she’s helped me hold it together. None of this is easy for anyone.”

“It was for you,” he argues. It’s always been a thorn in his side how well I seem to adapt to situations out of my control. A part of my personality learned from my mother. “But you didn’t realize it. You took and took, didn’t know how good you had it, Tris. I hope you’re ready for your new station in life.”

I’m not, and we both know it. Admitting it does me no good.

“I was born for this,” I remind him. I don’t have a choice, and I never did. “It was planned for me as soon as I was born a boy.”

“We all were, Tristan. I just don’t know if you’re prepared.”

There’s a part of me that hates what I’m about to say to him, there’s another part that knows it’s exactly the truth. He’s been so wrapped up in his selfishness for so many years, he can’t see past it. The minute my mother died, he withdrew and he’s never been able to be the father he should have been. “Your fault.” I throw the words at him. “You had two jobs. Rule this country and make sure I was ready for my turn. You ruled this country well, no one will ever be able to say you’ve been a shitty ruler. But as a dad? You failed.”

“You think so, don’t you?” His eyes light with a fire I haven’t seen in years.

“The country is doing fine, but I’ve not been okay for years. I’ve been able to adapt, because that’s my personality. But I haven’t been okay. You know it and I know it. You just ignored it.”

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