Page 74 of Iridian

“It is. Which is why I won’t order them to stay silent. I’m hoping to…find another way, but if I don’t push back, they take over. It’s a losing battle,” he said, desperate, but now pissed off, too. I could tell by how rigid every muscle in his body suddenly became.

For a moment, a long moment, all we did was breathe. Hold onto each other and think and breathe and try to come to terms with this heartbreaking revelation.

Well,me—because he knew about this possibly since the first day. Or he figured it out soon after. And I knew he didn’t want me to worry, but I fucking hated it when he kept things from me.

So, I said, “You don’t trust me.”

He stopped. Pushed my head up and looked at me. “I trust you more than I trust myself.”

“You keptthisfrom me, Taland.”

“Because I didn’t want to worry you, I didn’t—” And he was feeling awful about it, but he could suck it up and deal with it because I felt bad, too.

“And you think worry is going to break me?” I rose on one elbow. “Newsflash, Taland—it won’t, but you continuing to keep secrets from me will.”

“Fuck, baby,” he said, closing his eyes for a moment.

“It makes me feel weak,” I admitted, even if I would have rather not said a word, but I was preaching about not keeping secrets, and I didn’t want this to weigh on me and turn to resentment later. “It makes me feel like this fragile little thing when youdon’t want to worry me.”

Throwing his head back, he laughed, and it was bitter.

“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known, sweetness. Nothing about you is fragile,” he said, and I knew he believed that, but it was nice to be reminded. Because if he thought I was weak, then I was afraid that I would believe him, and if I believed him, I would reallybeweak.

“Then stop keeping things from me. I can handle it, damn it. I can handle it.” I handled putting him in prison—he should know by now that I could handle anything else.

“I know. I won’t keep anything from you again,” he said and hugged me to him tightly, kissed my lips. “Like the fact that the only time when they’re silent is when I’m with you. Talking or…doing things to you.”

“Maybethey’reafraid of me and don’t think I’m a weakling,” I teased, just to try to lighten up the mood.

“Actually, at first I thought they were just as fascinated by you as I am, but now I think it’s because of how fully you hold my attention. There’s no way for them to get through. It’s been keeping me alive.”

I kissed him back, pushed him down on the bed and climbed on top of him, arms wrapped around his neck.

“Taland, you have to release them,” I whispered, so low you’d think I was terrified that someone might hear. Someone might think that it was an absurd, ridiculous idea.

Closing his eyes, Taland just lay there and breathed for a moment, let me kiss his face.

Then, he said, “They make sure we’re safe. They make sureyou’resafe better than I ever will be able to.”

“Nobody’s going to come for us anymore, Taland. It’s been two weeks.”

He smiled, eyes closed still. “They’ve been trying to get through twice a day, every day.”

My breath cut off and my heart skipped a long beat. “Are you serious?”

Taland nodded. “They’ve been sending drones, soldiers, agents.”

Goddess, the way my stomach twisted. “And?!”

“And nothing. They can’t get through.”

“The soldiers?—”

“Are more than capable of stopping them, sweetness. There’s absolutely nothing to worry about even if the Council comes here themselves—which they won’t,” he cut me off.

My eyes squeezed shut and I breathed in deeply. Fuck, my thoughts were racing with too many possibilities and imagined scenarios now. I’d forgotten was it was like to have a chaoticmind in less than two weeks, and I understood why. My head was so, so heavy on my shoulders all of the sudden…

“Which is why I’ve been hesitant to figure out how to release them,” Taland continued, playing with my hair, his lips against my cheek. “If they’re gone, the Council will get to us.”

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