Page 42 of Second Chance

“Take your time.” Tony risks a glance at Lia. Her eyes have fallen shut. Her bedtime will be fucked for today, for which he sends a silent apology to Gianna. “I can go, if you—”

Mr. Lawrence shakes his head. “No, no. It’s fine. I need to catch my breath or something.”

“Can I get you anything? Some water? Coffee?”

“Nah. Had enough of that in there.”

“That bad, huh?” Tony can’t imagine listening to other people give eulogies for his dead wife. If it was Daniel, he’s not sure he’d have shown up to this. It would hurt too much.

Mr. Lawrence snorts. “It’s a memorial for my wife, man. Of course it’s hard to take. All of them talking about Amy’s work here like…like it didn’t…like this place wasn’t why.” The last he says with an eye on his daughter, clearly aware she doesn’t understand what’s happening yet.

Tony’s not sure how to respond, so he makes a vague sound of agreement and hopes for the best.

“You work here?”

“No. My sister’s a student.” On a whim, Tony adds, “And my partner’s a professor.”

“Tenured?”

“Yeah.” At least, Tony thinks Daniel is tenured. He’s tenure-track, whatever that means. The way he said it when he told Tony made it sound as if the college gifted him a baby unicorn.

“Lucky, then.” Mr. Lawrence lets out a long sigh. “Amy was trying for it. For years. They kept giving her more classes and responsibilities and putting off the tenure for next year. She worked late every night the week before…before… And what did it get her? Some whacko with a knife. You know she was alone in her office for hours before anyone found her? She went in early. Thought this was her semester. And none of them are even sorry.”

“Jesus.” Tony doubts the college’s tenure policies are to blame for what happened to Amelia Lawrence. They weren’t the ones holding the knife, unless there’s another psychotic administrator hiding in the woodwork. He understands the rage though, especially since there’s no one else to blame right now.

“It’s all, oh, she was such a hard worker, she gave so much.” Mr. Lawrence pulls his tie all the way off. “Never what she gave up. She didn’t get to say goodnight to Francie the night before…and the morning before, she left before Francie was up. I’ve had to do her hair all week, and Isuckat hair.”

Silently, Francie nods at her book.

“I think you’re doing pretty good,” Tony offers. “Better than I would. And I know they’re doing their best to find the person who…”

“Yeah.” Mr. Lawrence gives him another weak smile. “Yeah, I know. I have no idea what we’ll do without her. We live here for her job, you know? I took her name when we got married. Everything is just…her.”

“I can’t imagine,” Tony lies. He can imagine how he would feel if Daniel were gone, did for one brief, horrifying minute in January. He’s not in a hurry to repeat the experience.

“C’mon, I don’t exactly look like a Lawrence.” He barks a laugh, misunderstanding entirely what part of it Tony can’t imagine. “And the in-laws won’t let me forget it either. More jobs in IT for a Lawrence than a Martínez though. It all made sense with Amy. Now nothing does.”

Tony claps him on the shoulder. “Give yourself some time. You don’t need to know what to do right now. Take each day as it comes, and you’ll get there.”

“Yeah.” Mr. Lawrence manages a slow, steady exhale. “Thanks, man. I’m really…this is really hard.”

“Anytime,” Tony says, although he doubts they’ll see each other again.

“C’mon, Francie. Let’s go home.”

Francie gets to her feet, brushing off her dress. “Dad?” she asks. “When’s Mommy coming home?”

For a moment, Tony’s sure Mr. Lawrence is going to crumple to the ground, knees cut out from under him. Instead, he keeps himself steady, his back ramrod straight.

“I don’t know, querida.” He rests a gentle hand on her cheek. “I don’t know.”

Tony watches them set off across the parking lot with a lump in his throat. He never thought Lia was lucky to have lost herfather before she was born, but it might be better than having to go through it when she’s old enough to remember it.

He feels strange, as though he’s floating above his body. Over the course of the last hour, he said a bunch of helpful and supportive things to two people who needed it much more than him, but what he can’t work out is why it was him who said them. What qualifies him for that? He doesn’t know anything. He’s totally adrift and clinging to Daniel like a lifeline.

Maybe he should take his own advice to Sean and find someone to talk to.

It doesn’t take long for Gianna, Daniel, and Colette to come out.

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