Page 81 of Second Chance

“Should be asking you that.”

Emilio laughs. “Pretty sure I’m not gonna be all right for a good long time.”

Tony’s throat dries out. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just a lot.”

“All that love and support. Must be rough.”

“Fuck you, dude.”

Unrepentant, Emilio shrugs. “They’re all here for you, and for Daniel. Means something.”

“Makes me feel as if I’m not…worrying enough.” Tony looks away as he says it, stuffing his hands into the pockets of Daniel’s sweatshirt. “I should be thinking about Daniel, not…wondering when we last washed the spare sheets.”

“You’ll have enough time to feel like shit later,” Emilio says grimly.

Tony’s head snaps in his direction.

“I mean, if… Look, you have no reason to feel like shitnow.”

“Yeah.” Tony tries to nod, tries to look as if Emilio’s choice of words didn’t make him suddenly remember, all at once and viscerally, that Daniel could be dead. “Sure.”

It’s too late. Emilio mutters, “Sorry,” and heads back to the living room.

Tony gives himself a second to breathe before he follows. It’s a harsh reminder of what he could have already lost. He tries to be a realist, to acknowledge his fears without letting them rule him. Of course Emilio would know how it feels. Of course he would be able to rip away Tony’s attempt at distance with a few choice words.

The chill down Tony’s spine isn’t Emilio’s fault, but it makes it hard to look him in the eye.

The impromptu group project for the poster sits crowded on the couch. Gianna looks up when Tony comes in. “Hey. Is there a computer we could use?”

Wincing at the thought of the desktop in the office, the monitors, keyboard, and mouse now on the floor with the cables tangled up hopelessly, Tony digs in the drawer under the coffee table to pull out Daniel’s laptop. He hopes no one spotted the bottle of lube in there.

“Yeah, let me get you set up.” He pulls the charger cable out from under the couch, where Daniel shoves it when they’re watching TV and Tony complains about the damn cable always being in the way.

The password is “worfsforehead.” Daniel is such a nerd.

“Here you go.” Tony passes the laptop to Gianna.

From where he’s been scrutinizing the bookshelves in the hall, Pa says, “Hmm.”

Tony wanders over to him. “Something the matter?”

“Nah.” Pa looks back at the shelf. It’s the classics shelf, the one Daniel thinks looks the most pretentious because of all the matching Penguin logos on the spines. “You’re here a lot, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Guess you know where everything is.”

“Yup.”

There doesn’t appear to be more to say, so Pa continues his perusal of the shelf, frowning slightly.

Nonplussed, Tony follows Pa’s sightline to Daniel’s copy ofOf Human Bondage. “Uh, that one’s not about what you think.”

“What’s it about, then?”

Tony grimaces. “Mostly about how doing good things for other people is worthless if it makes you feel good about yourself. There’s some stuff in there about love, too, but to be honest, I gave up about halfway through.”

“Sounds like a blast. Daniel recommend it?”

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