Page 37 of It Must Be Fate

“What if…” His voice trails off. When he speaks again, it’s so low, barely a murmur, and I can hardly make out the words that slip past his lips. “What if I’m not a good dad?”

Shock makes me internally recoil. What is he talking about?

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

His gaze remains fixed steadfastly on the place where his hand caresses my stomach. He speaks the words like he’s saying them to himself, like they’ve been playing on a loop in his mind for hours, tormenting and torturing him freely.

“You met my father…He was a narcissist. An abuser. A murderer. He hurt me. He hurtyou. I have to believe he wasn’t always evil, that my mother saw something good in him at some point. What if I turn out to be just like him?” His voice breaks and I watch a single tear fall down his face. I’ve never seen my husband cry before. His next words come out in a terrified whisper. “What if I turn out to be the monster in my kid’s story?”

“Oh, baby,” I cry out with a sob. I throw my arms around him and crush him to me. All too quickly I understand exactly why he reacted the way he did. “No. Never. You could never be.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Yes, I can.” I palm his face in my hands. “Of course I can. You’re going to be the best father in the world, I don’t have a doubt about that. Not a single one.”

“I can’t bear it, the thought that I could one day hurt them.”

“Rogue, I love you,” I say, pressing my lips to his. “I love you so much. You won’t hurt this baby, or any others we have. Erase those thoughts from your mind right now, because it’s not possible and I know that for a fact.”

“How?”

The dejection and agony in his gaze is excruciating to watch. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to take it all away.

My hand covers his where it still rests on my stomach and I squeeze it gently.

“I know because I can see that the doubt and fear are eating you alive. The fact that you’re even asking yourself this, that you’re worrying you might one day be anything like him is evidence enough that you willneverbe,” I declare fiercely. “You’re a protector, you always have been. No one is going to love their children more than you because it’s your instinct—your very nature—to protect. Believe me,trustme, when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about. Our children will be happy and healthy and they’ll beloved. I guarantee it.”

“Bell…”

Little by little, I can see that darkness receding from his gaze. I’m talking him off a ledge he should never have been on to begin with, and with it comes an unfathomable amount of relief. That he would ever doubt himself like this is intolerable to me.

“You’re going to give them the childhood you always deserved. I wouldn’t be having this baby with you, I wouldn’t be over the moon excited about it if I wasn’t a thousand percent sure that you’re going to be an even better father than you are a husband, and you’re already the very best husband there is. Okay, baby? There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

He crushes his mouth against mine. His lips suffocate my soft whimper as he kisses me like this is both the first and last time he ever will. Our lips mingle with the saltiness of both our tears as we devour each other.

“I'm not the best husband. I’m so sorry I walked out like that,” he pants, ripping his mouth from mine. “I’m so fucking sorry. That you would ever think I wouldn’t want this baby…I fucked up. Badly. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“You scared me,” I admit, holding on to him. “It broke my heart thinking you didn’t want a family with me.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” he vows. “I’ve wanted this for so long. Far longer than I think you know. If you’d asked me, I would never have said that I’d have a reaction other than elation when you told me you were pregnant. And I was. Iam. But the moment you said those words, it’s like my worst fears hit me in the face and started suffocating me. I realized that with my greatest wish coming true also came the possibility that I could turn it into a nightmare. I freaked out and I’m so sorry. You deserve someone who isn’t going to ruin your happy moments.”

“I deserveyou,” I argue, clutching his face. “No more, no less than you. My happiness is inextricably linked with yours. We do this next part together, just like we’ve done everything else that’s come before.”

He nods, swallowing thickly.

“Pinky promise?” he asks, extending a pinky my way.

Relief shakes a laugh out of me. I wrap my own pinky around his and look up into his eyes.

“Pinky promise.”

Releasing me, he reaches for something in his back pocket. “When I was out, I walked by a children’s store. There was something in the window, I don’t know why, it just stopped me in my tracks.” He shows me an adorable little stuffed pink bunny the size of his palm. “I don’t know if we’re having a daughter, but this’ll be hers.” His voice catches. “Her first present from her dad.”

I take the bunny and hold it preciously in my hands. There’s a little collar around its neck with a blank space.

“I’ll get her name stitched there when she’s born,” he explains.

I squeeze the bunny against my chest, overcome by this gift for her before she’s even here.

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