Page 32 of Broken

CRACK!

The whip of the belt connects with the skin on my lower back and the sting of the impact spreads across my skin, heating it up, but I remain still. Silent. I never give him the satisfaction of hearing me scream. The next one lands harder still on my upper back and the impact causes me to jolt out, but again, I don’t make a sound. This is what he wants and I will be damned if I let him break me.

Several more whips from the belt cascade across my upper and lower back, and my upper thighs, they get harder and more frenzied as my father really gets into the punishment. For him, it doesn’t matter who he punishes, he loves exerting the power and the dominance over people and it is always the same. He starts off slow and not putting too much bite behind the belt, hoping that he can see how easily they will break, but after a while, it stops being a game for him and the lust he has for it takes over. He becomes more frenzied with his attack, hitting harder, like a starved man desperate to hear the cries of his victims and to see them break. This is always the hardest part for me because no matter how much I try to train my mind to ignore the pain, it becomes overwhelming with no respite in between. The blows keep on coming and I can't catch my breath in between them. All of my back feels as though it is on fire and I can feel that there are tiny areas of my skin that are starting to split under his impact. I have been through this so many times before, my whole back is just a myriad of scar tissue, making it tough and fibrous, and harder to cut open, but I know he still will because that’s the ending he loves.

“Did you really think that you could get away with plotting and trying to manipulate me, you little cum stain? This stops now. Ava goes home to Manny tonight and we forget this whole shit show ever happened. Do I make myself clear?” he grinds out through exhausted breath, his voice low and gravely to match the obvious turn on that he feels at the power trip. Hearing him speak just disgusts me even more and I can’t help the very slight chuckle that leaves my lips. I too am panting hard and bordering on going into shock as even the slightest little jostle from my laugh causes intense pain to radiate all over my body. Fuck, it’s going to take some time to recover from this.

“Sorry, Father, no can do. We have a wedding booked in two weeks time. You should be receiving your invitation in the post in the next day or so. I really do hope you can make it.” The sharp intake of breath above me is my father's shock at my utter lack of respect because we both know that by now, I would normally have broken. But it’s Ryder’s exacerbated groan that fills the room and I look over at him. He is running his hands through his hair in his usual stressed manner. He’s staring at me with fire in his eyes and also a helplessness that I’m not used to seeing there. He genuinely wants to help me and he hates seeing this, he really is too good for this job. I have often thought Ryder was more of a good guy than this family has ever deserved. I give him a little cocky wink to let him know that I’m fine, but we both know that it's got none of my normal swagger behind it. I don’t want him risking his life for me and that is exactly what he would be doing. I know this will be over soon, I just hope I’m not too damaged at the end of it.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

Before I even have time to think about the searing pain from the first hit, the rest just keeps coming, but this time it's different. As the belt makes contact with my skin, I feel the fire of the leather making contact with my already inflamed, sore skin, but then I feel the coldness of the belt buckle as it connects and slices through my flesh. I cannot contain my screams now as he continues to rain heavy blows down onto my back using the buckle side of his belt. My flesh rips open and I can feel the warm ooze of blood seeping from the wounds as the belt pulls out, tearing pieces of me with it. Hearing my screams and watching me flail about against my restraints, desperately trying to get free is exactly what my father has been waiting for. He shouts loudly and incoherently about how he will be respected and that he’s the boss. His words flit in and out of my brain as I struggle to understand what he’s trying to say. The room is full of guttural moans and screams, both from me and my father. His breathing is coming in deep grunts and heavy inhales. I hear the sound of the leather snapping before I feel it’s bitter impact. My screams become more uncontrollable and I know that I’m no longer just screaming with each blow. I am sobbing hysterically, begging for this cruel torture to be over and as the snot and tears run down my face, it finally hits me that this might be how I die.

I have always suspected that my death would come at the hands of my father and that he would relish the opportunity to end my life. He has always had such clear goals for me and expectations for my life, and I have always known I have no intention of being anything like him. I hate who he is and everything he represents. The entire Blakeman crime organisation and every evil deed that we have committed feels like it is a black mark upon my soul. I know I will have to pay for the blood that runs in my veins, but I have always vowed, from a young age, this family would end with me. I have spent my entire life doing what I can to bring down my father and to ensure that the pain and hurt our family causes people stops with me. Once Alan worked out what I was trying to do, he would have no choice but to kill me, but that’s where my plan will always succeed. Even with me dead, I will still win. There will be no Blakeman standing by to take over as the head of this family. What there will be is people waiting in the wings, people who are ready to take advantage of there being no Blakeman and to take this family apart, piece by piece. Eli has everything he needs to make sure that it happens in the event of my death at any time. So, laying here and facing the possibility of death, I feel a strange blanket of peace fall over me.

My whole body begins to feel cold, but it is a nice sensation to cool the fire that had been burning on my back. My eyes are closed now and the darkness that brings feels so inviting. My body is violently shaking, but I don’t feel as though I am moving at all, instead I just feel light. I can hear a commotion in the distance but soon the noise starts to fade out completely and for the first time in a long time, I feel numb. Then, like a vision straight from heaven, an image of Katyia flashes onto the back of my eyelids and my peace is tainted. I want to leave everything behind, but I know I can’t leave her. She is the person who I have hurt the most and she doesn’t even know why I have done it. I wish I had explained everything to her and gotten the chance to apologise. I have done so much bad in this world, but loving her will always have been my greatest achievement. I drift further into the darkness, filled with the love I feel for Katyia and trying to forget all the wrong that I have done.

My eyes beginto flutter open and the first thing I notice is that the room is too bright, the lights are blindingly painful, so I quickly close them again. The room feels as though it is spinning around me but I can feel that I am lying flat on my stomach. There's a strange warm sensation along with a sharp pain on the back of my hand that tells me I currently have an IV drip running into my arm, probably administering some pretty decent pain killers. The bed feels soft under my bare skin and I try to move slightly to see what the damage is, but I know that was a bad idea straight away.

My back feels as though it has been sliced to pieces and then glued back together, but that it’s only just holding. It feels raw and inflamed and I’m sure without the painkillers, even just a breeze from the wind would cause it to sting. This is the worst pain my father has ever inflicted on me and it gives me a sick sense of joy to know I pissed him off so badly.

“Try to stay still. Doctor Landers has been here regularly to check on you. You have a fluid drip going into your arm and you are receiving regular doses of morphine. But, you have to tell us if you are uncomfortable. Landers has brought his nurse, Debra, over and she has been here the whole time, caring for you. You just have to say if you need anything, ok?” It’s Ryder’s voice I hear and given the direction his voice is coming from, it sounds as though he is sitting right next to the bed. Of course, he wouldn’t take me to a generic hospital, he knows better than that and we pay Doctor Landers a healthy retainer to ensure he comes when he is called.

I open my eyes slowly and as my vision starts to straighten, then I can make out Ryder. His face has a couple of days of stubble on it and he looks tired with dark rings around his eyes. I try to speak but my mouth is so dry, it feels like it is full of cotton and as I move my tongue around, it feels like it sticks to everything.

Suddenly, Ryder is gone, replaced by a redheaded woman who gently places a straw into my mouth and that is all the encouragement I need. The cold liquid feels like Heaven as it touches my dry mouth. My throat feels like razor blades as I swallow, which means I have probably been asleep for a while. I swallow the fluid and start to take larger gulps through the straw, desperate for more, but that’s when the redhead takes away the straw. Before I even have time to protest, she interrupts me.

“You cannot take in too much fluid because you are on a drip and we are concerned there may have been damage to your kidneys. Until we get the blood results back, you are fluid restricted,” she gently explains, while still crouched down in front of me to give me eye contact as she speaks. I instantly like that about her, she really does care.

“My kidneys? How? What other damage?” I manage to croak out and I see her eyes become downcast and a sad look passes over her face. She clearly feels sorry for me and doesn’t want to answer my questions, but she does anyway.

“You have several large, deep cuts to your back that have been sutured. There appears to have been a lot of impact to your kidney area, which has potentially caused internal bruising. You have blood in your urine and we are regularly monitoring your kidney function to make sure it doesn't worsen. It has been stable so far, but we expected the blood to have stopped by now. Ideally, you need an MRI scan, but since that is not going to be possible, Doctor Landon is working on getting an ultrasonographer to scan you and check for any internal damage. Other than that, all the damage is superficial. You will have scars, but that’s nothing new for you by the looks of it.” Her candidness makes me smile and I trust in her and Doctor Landon. I chose him because he’s the best trauma surgeon in the city, so I know that whatever staff he brings in will work to the same standards that he does. I also know that they will abide by the same confidentiality rules that come with any patients, but even more so when you treat a member of a crime family in their bedroom.

“Thank you. How many days has it been?” The young nurse stands up to begin checking out the bandages on my back as Ryder leans forward to answer.

“Three days,” he says with a solemn expression and that explains his stubble. He has obviously been sitting here, worrying about me and that is quite surprising to me. I guess Ryder really is my friend after all. Then I remember the reason for my current state and my mind turns to anger. As Debra pulls at one of the bandages and cleans my wound with an antiseptic, the sting causes me to hiss out, further fueling my anger.

“Where’s Ava?” I hiss through gritted teeth. I’m really hoping Ryder did as I instructed and kept her here rather than obeying my father. I better not have taken this beating for nothing.

“She is in her room. The old man keeps getting in touch every day to find out why she is not home yet. We have been shielding his calls, but there are rumours he is getting ready to send people over. There’s a chance we could be going to war here, Grant. I didn’t let Ava go because you made it clear that wasn’t what you wanted, but I really hope you have reconsidered.” I can see the pleading look in his eyes. Ryder is the risk assessor and he knows that keeping Ava around is the most risky option, but I need to see this through.

“She stays. End of discussion. Tell her to be ready in the morning to meet with Daphne. Call Eli and he can get everything set up. No arguments, Ryder.” I hear him huff, but he doesn’t fight me. It was hard enough to strain and get those sentences out through my morphine muddled brain and the pain. I don’t have the energy to argue and Ryder knows this.

“I’m not arguing, Boss. But I think this is a fucking bad idea. Keeping Ava will ruin all the plans we have ever had for taking over this family together. We have spent two years talking about making it to the top and taking over from your father. Now you want to throw it all away for revenge. I heard what you said about Ava’s mother and yours, and I am sorry about what your father did. But why should Ava be punished for choices that were made before she was even born? Do you really want to hurt her and throw away the business all at the same time?” Ryder’s voice is calm and logical as it always is, but I can hear the passion behind it. I also heard what he said aboutwewere going to take over the company. I knew Ryder wanted to climb all the way to the top, but it always baffled me because he is the least power hungry person I know. The only thing I can think of is the knowledge. Ryder likes to know everything that is going on, how everything operates, so he can accurately do what he does. So getting to the top of the Blakeman family means getting inside access to how the business operates, something that, no matter how hard I try, has eluded me. The only way to find it out is to be told it by my father, which is why we planned to play his little game and let him tell us what we need to know. But my father loves to play games and I got sick of being his fucking puppet on a string. In two years, he has told us about the human trafficking and sex slavery operation only, and even that he only told us bits. Luckily, it was enough for Eli to fill in the blanks. But I still need to learn about the drugs and the guns, and I was starting to get frustrated about how long it was taking. So when Eli told me about Ava, that's when I decided to speed things along.

“No, Ryder, I don’t care about the business. I never have. The only reason I am working my way up to the top is so that I can tear it down. I need to know everything about the girls, drugs, and guns before I can bring down his empire, so that is what I have been doing. But it was taking forever. So when I found out about Ava, I decided to use her to speed my father up a bit. I want him to know what it feels like to lose everything. I want him to watch as the world around him burns. I plan on getting him right to the edge, to be really desperate, and then he will have to give me what I want. If he does it in time, then maybe he can save Ava, but to be honest, I don’t really care. I just want to see him burn.” I can see the fury in Ryder’s eyes as I speak. I’m in pain now from my little rant, I can feel the tell tale itch from the stitches where I have been pulling them with my sharp breaths.

“So, all this time, you have never wanted to be part of the business, you have wanted to destroy it?” Ryder asks me, more confused than ever. I guess I played my part well if he never even suspected.

“I have always wanted to bring him down. I hate everything the Blakeman name stands for and there’s no fucking way I will be associated with it.” I seethe at him, letting him finally see my true intentions.

“Fuck, then why not carry on with your plan? Get all of the information we need from the old man and bring him down that way. He said there's that big shipment in a month and he can tell us everything. You don't need to hurt Ava.” He’s angry with me now. I know he has never liked me involving her, but he doesn’t get it.

“I have always wanted to bring down my father's enterprise because I thought that was the only thing he has ever cared about, ever loved. Until I found out about Marianne. About Ava. She is nothing to him and yet he cares for her just because some dead woman asked him to. My mother was his wife and she told him to care for me. When she realised that nobody was coming to be with her, she asked the nurse to write me a note and make sure that it was given to her lawyer to get it to me on my eighteenth birthday. She talked about how much she loved me and all the dreams she has for me. About how she hopes I have a good and happy life. How she told my father about her hopes and dreams for me and she can die happy knowing that he will raise me right. He shit all over the memory of my mother and ignored everything she said on her deathbed. She wanted me to lead a normal life, away from all this shit and I intend to honor that. But first, he has to pay. If he cares about Ava, then she is exactly what I need to break him. He has to pay,” I shout with all the passion and focus I feel and I know my eyes are wet with the tears I refuse to properly shed. I can cry for my mother’s memory when I have avenged her death.

All the talking has put massive stress on my body and I can feel I’m breathing heavier and my heart is racing. With each breath I take, the pain in my back becomes unbearable and I start to wince. My eyes crinkle shut and I hold my hands tight into fists. I wait for the comeback from Ryder that I know will come. He will never get on board with my plan of using Ava. Like I said, he has always been too good for this family. But it is happening, so he either gets on board or he gets out of the way. Vic has his instructions. If anyone at all tries to remove Ava from the property, they get a bullet to the head and he will do that to anyone. The reason we hired him is because he is a sick son of a bitch who has no emotions. He shoots who I tell him and doesn’t care. The fact that he has worked with Ryder for two years, they have shared drinks together, I think he has even managed to make the surly fucker laugh, yet none of that matters when it comes to the job. Ryder knows it too.

“No more! Out!” I hear a soft voice with a slight northern accent shout. I open my eyes to find the tiny redhead nurse going toe to toe with Ryder. He is almost a good foot taller than her, yet she stands her ground, pointing to the door, making her feelings perfectly clear. Ryder goes to speak and I can’t see the look she gives him because all I can see is the back of her head, but it must have been one scary face on such a small woman because he stops whatever he was about to say.

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