Page 53 of Life Lessons

I walk over to the side of the room and wait for Mr Thornton to speak. “Abbie, I just wanted to pull you to the side to tell you your results personally. I am so incredibly proud to tell you that you achieved A stars in all your subjects. Not only did you do exceptionally well, under the circumstances, but you actually got the best results of your year group. As such, we will be announcing you as this year’s Student of the Year. This is a very prestigious award that you have more than earned,” states Mr Thornton, as Mr Wormald interjects.

“Not just in your studies, Abbie. You have earned this award because of your attitude. Life has thrown a lot at you this past year, and at times it has consumed you, but you have learned to fight back. You have learned not just to live, but to live life to the fullest. I am immensely proud of everything you have achieved this year. Not just academically but the personal growth too. I know you are destined for great things, and not just because of your last name. You are a force to be reckoned with, Abbie. Go out and attack the world!” Mr Wormald’s words echo loudly in my ears and I can’t help the tears that are welling up in my eyes. Without even thinking I throw my arms around my teacher and thank him for everything. He believed in me at a time when I didn’t even believe in myself.

Mr Thornton clears his throat loudly, and I step away from Mr Wormald. A blush spreads across his cheeks as he congratulates me again before walking away. I thank my Headteacher, not really knowing what else to say. “Abbie, typically the Student of the Year, makes a small speech at the graduation. I completely understand if that would be too much for you, and I would be happy to miss it this year,” he mumbles, looking sheepish.

“I would be happy to give a speech,” I say confidently. With that he gives me a few more details before showing me where I need to go and collect my robe.

The blue graduation robes come with a green and silver sash that represents Willowmead, but my sash has a gold lining to it, making it stand out from all the others. Once I have collected my robe, and they have approved my black trousers and smart shirt, I quickly rush to the nearest bathroom.

Rushing into the disabled toilet since it has the most space, and a mirror, I pay close attention to how the robe is held on so I can put it on again correctly. I know I must look crazy, taking it off once it had been put on perfectly, but I needed to pass a uniform inspection, and now I have to be checked again.

Hooking the robe up on the back of the door I proceed to pull off the white blouse I am wearing. My black lace bra holds my boobs to stand firm and look amazing. I reach into my bag, pulling out what I’m looking for. His Metallica t-shirt. I can’t graduate without a piece of him with me. So I pull it on, and admire it in the mirror. Perfect. Sadly I have to tuck it in and pull the blouse over the top, but that doesn’t matter. I still know it’s there.

By some miracle I manage to get the robe and cap back on perfectly and get into the hall in time for pictures and then the hassle of finding our seats. It feels like it takes ages before we all finally get where we need to be, but once we are, the ceremony begins.

It feels like it takes ages, with Mr Thornton doing his best to bore everyone to death with the world’s longest speech. In fact, he waffles on so much that I stop listening and almost miss my turn. As he announces me as Student of the Year, and the crowd erupts into cheers, I feel this immense sense of pride. Walking up, I take the time to look at my fellow students and I can’t quite believe that a few months ago they were bullying me to the point I hated myself, and now they are cheering for me like they are my best friends. Months ago I hadn’t spoken to my dad in almost a year, and I thought he hated me, but now he is standing on his feet clapping and cheering for me. My mother sits beside him dragging on his arm, no doubt embarrassed as nobody else is standing up. Well, nobody except Casey and Hayleigh, who both have pride written all over their faces. I didn’t know these women a couple of months ago. If you had told me at the time that in a couple of months my fathers lover, and my counsellor would become two of my best friends I would have laughed at you. But, now, it’s true. They have become so important to me, and I can see the love in their eyes.

As I take my place behind the podium, it finally dawns on me that I have to speak in front of all these people and I don’t have a fucking clue what to say. I know what Tillie would say.Just speak from the heart.So, I do.

“If someone had told me a year ago when I first started at Willowmead that this is where I would be, I would never have believed you. This last year has been one of the hardest imaginable, yet here I stand. I have the grades I need to go to my chosen university. I have an invitation to join one of the best gymnastic clubs in the country, with a view to trying out for the Olympics one day. But all of that pales in comparison to the best thing I got from this school and that is you guys. The people I met, the friends I made, and the people who came into my life this past year, have all helped to shape my future. I have made friends that I hope I will keep for a lifetime. I have met teachers who have believed in me enough that it has pushed me to believe in myself. I have loved in a way that has changed me forever.” I pause, consumed by the emotion I feel brewing inside.

“As you all know, my year has been full of darkness, but I have learned that it’s not necessarily a bad thing. We will all face trials and hard times in our life. We will all come across moments where we feel like we are drowning. But I am here to tell you that you will always beat it. I will always remember a conversation that I had with someone very close this year. I told him that it felt as though it never rains but it pours, and his response was so simple that I didn’t get it at first, but now I do. You simply have to learn to dance in the rain. So, no matter where your future takes you, no matter how hard it gets, always remember to take the time to look around at the people beside you. The people who make you and your life better. Take the time to dance in the rain. Thank you.”

As soon as the last word leaves my mouth everyone stands up on their feet and begins clapping. The applause seems to vibrate around the whole building, and I just stand there smiling. Mr Thornton walks over and shakes my hand before handing over my graduation certificate. I hold it high in the air, and feel more free than I have in a very long time. I raise my other arm in the air and start to dance. It is only short, with a bit of a twerk in there and I burst into laughter as I wave at my friends and family before walking off the other side of the stage.

Then, much to my amazement, I watch as one by one, the students make their way across the stage, shake hands with Mr Thornton, and receive their certificate. They all then proceeded to do their own little version of a dance before walking off the stage. The smile spreads across my face, as it dawns on me that I have made a difference. Even if it is just for this small length of time, I have influenced their lives.

The rest of the afternoon passes by nicely. Hayleigh and Casey leave soon after the ceremony. Casey knew her being here made Mum uncomfortable and despite me telling her that I wanted her here, she didn’t want to cause trouble. I know eventually my mum will have to stop getting her own way, but now is not the time, or place, to have that argument, but it is definitely coming. I want my dad to be happy.

We have been mingling for a little while when Trixie finally comes over, hopefully to save me from my bickering parents. Ever since Casey left they have just been sniping at each other and I am ready for this to be over now.

“Hey, Nightingale’s, lovely to see you again Robert,” Trixie says with a smile aimed only at my dad. Trixie isn’t shy about her dislike of my mother and vice versa. “I’m just here to steal Abbie,” she says in an unusually high pitched sound. I also don’t miss the wink she throws my fathers way. What surprises me more is his little smile.

“Not a problem,” my dad says before pulling me in for a hug. “Be happy, Abbie,” he whispers in my ear for only me to hear. What a strange thing to say.

“What do you mean it’s not a problem? We need to go back to the house. I have arranged for some reporters to come by and do a story. We may even drop by the cemetery, that will be a fantastic photo opportunity,” Mum says and my jaw drops open. I can’t even believe she would say something like that.

“Enough. No more photo opportunities and no more playing happy families. Things are going to change. You can keep the house but I am moving out. Me and Casey are going to be living together. Abbie will be in Liverpool living her best life. And you should also know that I have submitted legal paperwork to dig up Tillie’s ashes. Once I get permission we will be scattering her ashes at the beach like she would have wanted. If you want to argue with me then you can use the divorce money to get yourself a lawyer. But this is the end. No more using Tillie as a photo opportunity. Your hold over me and Abbie is over. If you want to be in your daughter’s life, I suggest you start making an effort. Now, get your coat because we are going. We have a meeting with our lawyer in the morning to discuss the divorce, we will need to have everything agreed by then. Understand?” he asks, and I don’t know who looks more shellshocked, me, Mum or Trix, who unintentionally just got caught up in my family drama.

“Thanks, Dad,” I say, my heart full of happiness that Tillie will finally be where she wanted to be. I can see my mum is looking to start arguing, so I kiss my dad on the cheek and say bye to them both as I allow Trixie to pull me away. She starts pulling me down the school drive and I am becoming nervous. I stop.

“Where are you taking me?” I ask suspiciously.

“Do you trust me?” she asks and that’s an easy one to confirm. “Then just trust me. You deserve this with all your heart.”

My heart begins to race and with each step we take nervous excitement overtakes me. I do trust her. Trixie is my best friend, and if anyone is capable of pulling off an amazing surprise, I know it’s her. I don’t even allow my mind to wander about what it could be. There is only one thing I truly want, and I know it’s not him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy second best.

God, I’m so nervous. Why am I so nervous? My knees are weak, my palms are sweaty and I have an Eminem song playing on a loop inside my head. Not being able to be at Abbie’s graduation myself was the toughest test of will I’ve had yet. It’s only the Instagram updates Musgrove has been posting, including a picture of her and Abbie giggling together, that have kept me in this driver’s seat. The stupid NDA states I’m not allowed back on the Willowmead, or any, campus again. At least since the hospital, I haven’t sat around, drinking my pity away. In fact, I’ve been sober since the day I left the hospital and began using my energy to build a real life for Abbie and I, if she’ll have me.

First came the new phone and an alias I used to contact Musgrove and the sports twins. Of course, contact directly with Abbie has been forbidden, but her colleagues and teachers weren’t specifically included in the T’s and C’s. They’ve been my eyes and ears through Abbie’s recovery, and frankly all that’s kept me going.

With Abbie safe and being cared for at the academy, I’ve been able to take the time to look inside myself and start to heal what’s remained broken for too long. Anger at the world mostly, along with a healthy dose of self-loathing and shame. It’s surprising what I’ve learned whilst not wasting my time at a bar or using women to avoid my own company. I’ve sorted all the odd jobs that needed doing around the cabin too. I think that in itself helped to heal the part of me I’d been struggling to come to terms with after my father’s death. He loved that cabin. And now it’s fixed up and a pleasant place to relax, I plan to visit it much more often.

A ring of cheers sound out from the campus, filtering through my open window. Go time, and by go time, I mean grovel time. I remain parked just off the main road leading up to the stone gates. Musgrove will bring Abbie to me any moment, but it isn’t soon enough. Jumping out of the vehicle I traded my BMW in for, I begin to pace back and forth. I talked myself out of wearing a suit but I did take the time to shave. Dark jeans hug my legs beneath a navy shirt, the top few buttons popped open. I run a hand through my hair, trying to avoid messing up the gel that’s keeping it swept out of my face.

The gates squeak as they open and I spin around, spotting a long line of fancy cars which begin to file out. I slip around the back of my vehicle, preferring to stay out of sight from the parents who think I sabotaged their teenage brats by leaving so close to their final exams. Surprising even myself, I would have to agree with them. Whether I was resentful of their family’s wealth or not, failing them in their education only means I’ve judged them like the rest of the world does and when they send their kids here, the cycle will repeat itself. I can only hope their other teachers took the time to understand and nurture them.

“Where are you taking me?” a familiar voice laughs and I stop dead. She’s here. Exhaling deeply, I close my eyes and step out from behind the van. Peeling them open one at a time, the sheer size of Abbie knocks the breath out of me. Beautiful, smart, independent. Her mouth pops open and her crystal blue eyes widen at the sight of me. Black robes cover her body and her black and blue hair cascades down her back. I step towards her on instinct, needing her in my arms right damn now, but she takes a step back. “You’re…back,” she breathes.

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