Page 10 of Trust In Me

I’m not sure how much time passes, but it feels like far too long. It’s not until he is certain I’m not going to freak out again does Kellan start to speak. “How are you feeling? Do you have panic attacks often?” he asks tentatively, as he gently removes his hands from my face so that he can settle back onto the sofa. I hate how cold and lonely my face feels without his touch.

“I’m okay now, thank you. Erm…yeah, I-I have panic attacks regularly, but I usually try to hide them. That’s the worst I’ve had in a while.” My voice is strained, and as I settle back onto the sofa, Kellan hands over my beer bottle.

With a smile, I take a long gulp of my drink, loving that sweet burn that travels down my throat to settle in my stomach. Kellan reaches over, opens the pizza box, and grabs the most delicious-looking slice of garlic pizza bread. I know he can see my eyes light up, and he hands me the slice. I take it with thanks, and as the deliciousness hits my taste buds, I can’t help but moan. Great, now I’m the girl who makes sex noises when she eats pizza. Could I get any more socially awkward if I tried?

“Do you want to tell me what your freak-out was about?” he asks, in between bites of pizza. He has now moved onto the BBQ chicken and ham, which looks and smells amazing. I can’t wait to dive in. In fact, diving into the pizza would be the perfect way to avoid answering his question. It’s what I would normally do, but he’s opened up to me so much tonight, I feel like I owe him, even just a little bit.

Taking a deep breath I start to explain parts of my life that I’ve never told anyone about, not even Bree. “I can’t tell you the whole story, not yet. But I can tell you bits, as long as you promise to keep it to yourself. It’s not something everyone knows, including Bree.”

“Anything you say to me will always be confidential, I promise you that,” Kellan says, as he takes hold of one of my hands with his, and the feel of his touch is electrifying. It gives me a confidence I didn’t have before.

“Do you remember when we had the interview to be Hallie’s nanny, and you said there were a lot of blanks about my life that you weren’t happy about? Well…they are blank for a reason. I wouldn’t say I’m in hiding, or have run away, or anything like that, but I left a toxic lifestyle, and I made it clear I won’t ever be returning. But, some people are not happy about that. One of those people is Kyle Fratacello. I was supposed to marry him a few years ago, which is the marriage certificate that you found. I obviously didn’t go through with it, and that started the events that led to me essentially leaving and never speaking to my family ever again.” My voice is barely above a whisper, and each word feels as though I’m going to choke on it. There’s a reason I don’t talk about these things with people, not just because I find it difficult to trust, but also because it’s heartbreakingly painful to bring up a time I would much rather forget ever happened. Yet Kellan doesn’t judge, he just holds my hand in his, stroking his thumbs over the back of my hands, waiting for me to finish.

When I finally look up at him, I don’t see the pity I expect to see, his gaze is burning furiously. “The marriage licence was drawn up a few years ago, and at the time that never really registered with me. I was more pissed you didn’t tell me you were going to marry that Italian idiot. But, now you mention it, the date on the certificate was over five years ago, if I remember correctly. Yet, you have only just turned twenty-one. Am I wrong?” Kellan seems to speak through gritted teeth, like he hates the idea of saying the words, but says them anyway.

I can’t help but avert my eyes to the floor, shame rippling across my skin as thoughts of those traumatic times spring right back into my memory. I try to pull my hand away, and when he lets me, my heart sinks. I really thought Kellan would be the type of guy to hold on, to fight to help you. I guess I was wrong.

Except, he proves me wrong straight away, by instead gripping his hands around my cheeks, moving my head until I have no choice but to face him. Tears blur my vision, as I begin to regret confiding in Kellan at all. Until he opens his mouth, and I can’t help but swoon over him. “Mia, I need you to tell me the truth right now. I know you think I will think differently of you, but I won’t. You will just have to trust me on this one, because I can only show you. But if you don’t tell me, I am more likely to hunt down Kyle Fratacello and blow his head off. Which is usually something I don’t do…that’s kinda Liam’s part of the business.” I can’t help but giggle at his babbling. That’s one of the many endearing things I’ve discovered about Kellan, when he’s nervous, he babbles and talks about all sorts of random things, and it’s hard to get him to shut up. Not that I want him to. I love the fact that he isn’t afraid to show he isn’t perfect. He gets nervous, he has anxiety, and he suffers with mental ill health from time to time. He has never hid any of that stuff away. I know some men think that’s the most unmanly thing you can possibly do, to show this softer side, but Kellan proves that’s complete bullshit. He’s never looked more attractive or more real to me.

“I was fifteen when Kyle drew up the licence. My father agreed to sign it as a sixteenth birthday gift for me. That’s when I decided to escape. It wasn’t easy, and I did some stuff I’m not entirely proud of, but I won’t ever regret running away. God knows where I would be if I hadn’t.”

“So, if all this is well in the past, why did it give you a panic attack just now?” he asks, and I almost forgot, or should I say, I hoped he realised why I was bringing all this shit up again in the first place.

“My father just made contact. He made a big fuss when I left, for the first two years, about how he would force me to return, to fulfil my familial responsibilities. That he was giving me time to get my qualification, but then I had to return. Then all communication stopped. I haven’t heard from him in around three years. Then a few months ago, he started calling and texting again. Letting me know that as I was near the end of my university course, our agreement was also drawing to a close. I would have to return and fulfil my commitments. That means getting married. He obviously didn’t like me ignoring him, and he just texted to let me know he’s shared my number and location with Kyle. Who promptly messaged to say he is coming for me, and will take me by force if necessary.” As soon as the words leave my lips, I break down, sobbing hysterically. “I’m so sorry, Kellan. I never meant for this to happen. I honestly didn’t know you or Hallie would be placed in harm's way. I would never do that to you.”

I genuinely mean every word that rips out of me alongside the cries of pain. I’m finally building a life for myself. I think Bree moved me in because she wants to protect me, but that was never why I agreed to move in here. I never intended for any of my shit to follow me here.

I wait for Kellan to push me away, to get mad at me, but it never comes. Instead, he pulls me against his chest until I’m almost curled up in a ball on his lap. His arms wrap around my body protectively. One hand strokes my back in a soothing motion that replicates what his other hand is doing with my hair. He wipes it out of my eyes, tucking it behind my ears, before wiping away the tears that are now collecting on his shirt.

Thank fuck this isn’t a date because this is not how dates should go.

“Mia, let me be very fucking clear about this,” Kellan states, as he tilts my chin, forcing me to look at him. Although there’s fire in his eyes, and the way his brow furrows suggests he is still angry, the look he gives me is anything but. “I’m not even remotely concerned about Hallie’s, or my own, safety here in this house. The security in this house is top of the range, there are security guards manning the external perimeter, and don’t even get me started on what would happen if they do manage to get inside. I may not look it, but I’m not a bad fighter, and I sure as fuck learnt to fire a gun at a young enough age. You don’t grow up living with Desmond Doughty and not learn to fight or fire a gun. But, even if I was a shit shot—which I definitely am not—they will still have to get past Liam, who is the best hitman in the world for a reason. Even then, I think the one this Kyle guy should really fear is Bree. That fiery redhead would cut his bollocks off and feed them to him if he took even a step into this house, and that’s just what she would be able to do while still recovering. I promise you, Mia, this house is safe, and we will all look after you.”

The tears are falling again, if they ever really stopped. His words are exactly what I want—no, need—to hear, so why does it scare me so much? Maybe it’s the fact that I don't want these people I care about so much to have to put their lives on the line for me? This is why I’ve always been alone. I can recover from any pain that is inflicted on me, I’ve been doing that since I was a child, but to witness someone else experience a pain that was meant for you, that I can’t handle.

“You shouldn’t have to look after me. I don’t want anyone to have to fight for me. I just want to get on with my life. I thought when I turned twenty-one I would have no more value to my father. I was much more valuable in a younger age bracket. When I turned eighteen, that’s when he stopped contacting me, and I thought that was why,” I muse aloud, trying to work out what the hell my messed-up family is up to.

“Okay, I know you said you don’t want to talk about your family, and I respect that. Before today, I wouldn’t have even known you had a father, you’ve never spoken about him. It means the world to me that you feel you can tell me this stuff, and so don’t be offended when I tell you this,” he says, taking a giant deep breath before continuing. “Your dad, he sounds like a massive twatwaffle.”

I release the breath I don’t even know I’m holding, and burst out laughing. Kellan has the most serious expression on his face, and I think he actually may have been worried about saying something bad about my father to me. But, that just makes the whole thing more hilarious. When Kellan realises I’m giggling hysterically, as in, I'm seconds away from losing the plot completely, a smile crosses his face, lighting up all his features. Fuck, he really is so gorgeous, I just want to reach out and touch him. I mean, I’m currently curled up in a ball on his lap, and have just flipped from sobbing hysterically to laughing like a maniac. I think it’s safe to say I have pushed all normal boundaries as it is. But, touching him while we are so close like this, it feels like something I shouldn’t do, which naturally makes it more appealing to me. Fuck, I’m not a child with a shiny new toy. I have self-control, even if my very wet panties disagree.

“He really is. I’m sorry to have unloaded all this onto you. This should have been a fun night together,” I say, averting my eyes again, only for him to waste no time pulling my gaze back.

“Mia! Not only did I get to eat some amazing pizza and drink some beer with you, I also managed to make you laugh, and get you to tell me some of your past. Plus, I have you curled up on my lap, which is so much more than I expected. I’ve had dates that haven’t been as good a night as this, and the night is still young. We still have a movie to watch and popcorn to devour.” Kellan’s tone has a playful edge that’s like music to my ears, and I can’t help but banter back with him.

“Wow, these dates must have been really bad if me sobbing hysterically is better.” I wipe a stray tear off my cheek, not sure if it’s from crying or laughing.

With a laugh that causes my insides to flip, Kellan replies. “Oh, Flower. You wouldn’t believe the amount of disastrous dates I’ve had. This doesn’t even come close.”

I freeze. Did he just say this is a date?

He begins to chuckle again and I can’t stop the flush from spreading to my cheeks as I realise I just said that out loud. I don’t know what to say. Should I backtrack? Say something to cover up with massively embarrassing word vomit? Or maybe I should just shut the hell up and hope he glosses over it?

Fuck, this is Kellan, and sarcasm drips off every other word he uses. I should have known he wouldn’t let it drop. I feel his hands grip my hips, and before I even realise what he’s doing, he readjusts me so that I am no longer curled up on his chest. Instead, I’m straddling him, with my knees either side of his thighs, and I can feel his hard cock through my jeans.

Fuck, this just got really good really fast.

“Now it feels like a date,” Kellan says, his voice husky and full of promise.

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