Page 12 of Trust In Me

Cocky fucker. Why does he have to be so fucking hot? I’m so screwed!

“ARGH! No, please don’t. Please.”

I wake up with a start, as the loud screams puncture my sleep, forcing me out of my very pleasant dream. Instantly, my eyes go over to the cot I have connected onto the side of my bed. Hallie’s asleep, exactly where I left her. Cuddled up with her beautiful elephant teddy that I bought her when she was born. The tag on the elephant says Hallie, which is why I bought it for her. Obviously for child safety I had to remove the tag, which was a good move considering she’s constantly putting it in her mouth. Even now while she sleeps she is sucking on the elephant's ear. She looks so adorable, the way her little face looks so serene, and her plump, pink baby lips look almost like pouts in between sucking on the elephant.

“Fuck! No, please don’t hurt me. I will do anything.”

Shit, as I listen to the terrified cries, I realise Mia is still in the bed with me. We must have fallen asleep watching the movie. We’re both dressed exactly how we were the night before. Only now she’s curled up next to my body, her back plastered against my side, with the duvet cover pulled up over us both. She isn’t cuddling me, but where our bodies touch, I can feel heat passing between us.

Changing my attention over to Mia, she looks the opposite of Hallie. I’ve never seen someone look so scared while asleep. Her face is a crumpled mess of pain and anguish, as her body appears to lightly shake, as though she’s genuinely terrified. In between screams, she babbles almost incoherently about needing to be left alone, begging for something to stop.

My instinct is to shake her and wake her up, but I was always told that you should never wake someone from a nightmare. I know it’s probably an old wives’ tale, one my mother believed in and no doubt tried to pass along to me during one of the rare episodes where she tried to raise me. Well…that was before she gave up on me and ditched me completely when I was just six years old.

I try to pull Mia into the crook of my shoulder, wrapping my arm around her lightly. I want to keep her close, to let her know I’m here without actually waking her. I pull her close and simply stroke her hair, hoping that it’s enough to quieten whatever is haunting her.

Her screams continue, and after two more loud screams, I decide I have to do something. Not only because her noises are starting to wake up Hallie, which would not be good because I would never get my little monster back to bed, but also because I hate seeing Mia in pain. Some of the things coming out of her mouth are horrific, and it doesn’t take much to work out she’s reliving a trauma from her past. She said she wants to forget the Mia she was before, and now I think I can guess why. But, she can’t run from it, not when it’s keeping her awake and pulling her back into her nightmares any chance it gets. Part of me thinks that if I keep listening, I will get a glance into Mia’s world, the one she hides from everyone, but that isn’t what she wants. She would never want me to see her like this, and to be honest, I don’t think I can watch her pain any longer.

Turning over until I’m sitting up in the bed, I gently place both hands on either shoulder and lightly shake her. At first there’s no response, so I push a little harder. Her eyes fly open, but I can tell she is still asleep. She thrashes violently against my hands, trying to push me away from her. She looks like a psychopathic zombie, so I pull my hands away from her instantly, letting her go. Thankfully, that is enough for her eyes to close and her to settle a little.

Sitting there, listening to Mia’s light whimpering, I give myself a mental pep talk. I need to do this. I know it will be hard, she looks so small and terrified, her face drained of colour, and simply replaced with fear. Her teeth chatter together, as her body shakes vigorously, and I can tell she is gearing up for another shouting meltdown. Not only can I not let her put her body through any more, I don’t want to hear it, and I sure as fuck don’t want Hallie to wake up.

This time when I grab hold of her shoulders, I don’t hesitate, and I’m not gentle. I shake her roughly, my fingers pressing into her, as I pull her head towards my face. Trying to be as loud as possible, without waking the baby, I call to Mia in her sleep. “Mia, Flower, please can you wake up? Listen to the sound of my voice. It’s Kellan. You have to wake up now, okay. Wake up!”

This time when her eyes fling open, I can tell she isn’t stuck in her dream, I finally manage to bring her out of it. Mia’s eyes glance around rapidly, while she tries to work out exactly where she is. Luckily, before we fell asleep last night, I left the bedside lamp on. So the light from the lamp floods the key area of the room, around the bed, but it’s still not enough for Mia. I can tell she still isn’t sure of where she is.

Approaching her like she’s a startled doe, one that is going to spook and run off at any second, I squeeze her shoulder—lighter than I normally would—trying to grab her attention. It works, and she turns her frightened gaze on me. The look I see reflected back hurts me like I’ve been stabbed in the chest.

Her body trembles, as any remaining colour she had in her face drains out. Her eyes look as though they are popping out of her skull, as she stares straight at me, without even really knowing I’m here. Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she desperately gasps for breath, a light sheen of sweat coating her furrowed brow.

“Mia, baby, look at me. It’s me Kellan. I’m here and I’ve got you. Nobody is going to hurt you again, I promise.” I don’t even really know what I’m saying, I just want her to look a little less terrified.

Upon hearing my voice, her shoulders physically start to sag, and she looks like she's about to collapse back onto the pillow, so I gently wrap my arm around her. I’m torn between not wanting to touch her in case it freaks her out even more, and wrapping my arms around her to hold her so tight, protecting her and comforting her until I never see this look on her face again. So, I settle for middle ground.

At first I feel her muscles go rigid under my touch, so I keep talking to her, letting her know I’m here, and that nobody will harm her while I’m here. I make sure not to overwhelm her, to remain consistent, just holding her with one arm and using the other to sweep the hair off her face. As I tuck the loose strand of hair behind her ear, I keep my eyes trained on her face. Before she was looking but not really seeing, and now she’s staring right back at me.

Her eyes glass over as tears fill them to the brim. Her breath hitches as she tries to get control of the sniffling and panting from her terror, but as the new tears begin, it feels like an impossible task. Without even thinking about it, I pull her onto my lap, resting her head against my chest and holding her tight. Sobs rack her tiny body, and as I hold her tight, I can’t get over how small she looks wrapped up in my arms. I’m not a big, burly guy, but this beauty looks so small and fragile, and I can’t help but want to protect her.

I hold her until the tears stop and she finally pulls herself out of a ball and sits next to me on the bed. Her face is red and swollen from the tears that’ve been falling for far too long. But, it’s her vacant expression that wounds me the most. I like to see the fire in her eyes, and the sparkle on her face.

“Do you need anything? A cup of tea? Alcohol?” I ask, grasping at straws. I have no fucking idea what to do in situations like this. As I look at my watch, seeing it’s not even four in the morning yet, I realise most of those options probably aren’t suitable, but I have to say something.

“Maybe just some of that water,” she says, pointing to the bottle of water I keep beside the bed.

I hand it over and she takes several large gulps before breathing a sigh of relief. It’s like she uses the water to cleanse herself of her nightmares, and it seems to work. Her eyes look downcast as a blush spreads across her cheeks. Shy Mia is back, at least that I can work with.

“How are you feeling? Don’t get me wrong, I like having you curled up in my lap, but maybe without the tears next time. Or maybe without your clothes?” I joke, hoping she will take my pathetic attempt at humour in the right way.

Her little tinkle of laughter is like music to my ears, and when she looks up with a small smile on her face, I know she is slowly coming back to me. “What, so girls with puffy red faces and snot and tears dripping everywhere, they do nothing for you?”

Now it’s my turn to smile. I can see the pain is still there, it hasn’t gone away, and given the nightmare I just witnessed, I would guess that her ghosts never fully go away. But she’s trying, which is what spurs me on. This girl is a fighter. She may look shy and timid, but I think that’s just what she wants you to see. There’s a courage and a power in her that she doesn’t let anyone see. Someone might have tried to knock her down in the past, but that’s not going to happen again. Even if nothing at all happens between me and Mia, I will make sure that she’s supported and never has to hide who she really is again.

“I might make an exception for you.” I wink, amping up the flirting on purpose. She shakes her head but the laughter continues. “Seriously, though. I won’t ever force you to talk, but I want you to know, if you ever need to talk to someone, I’m a good listener.”

With a sigh, she appears to deflate and I feel a sting in my heart, like it physically pains me that she looks so downcast again. But then I realise she’s taking a deep breath, most likely to gather the courage needed to speak. “I’ve had nightmares since I was eight years old. That’s when my life turned into a living nightmare. I don’t want to talk about it, but maybe I will one day. This particular nightmare is from when I was fifteen and I was made to spend the summer with the Fratacello family. Kyle was their only son, the heir to take over their drugs business. They operate out of Liverpool because Bree’s family didn’t want them near London. They still work under Bree’s rule, but are separate. They’re a powerful family, with some very important ties.”

Her voice sounds different, almost like she’s reciting the most boring poem. There’s no emotion there, and that worries me. If she’s angry or sad at what she’s lived through, that I can understand, but indifference is harder to manage.

“Kyle was twenty-three when I met him, which doesn’t sound like much, but I was only fifteen. My father wanted a connection to the Fratacellos, probably so he could manipulate them in some way, or use their connections. My father is an asshole, for want of a better word. He thought that if I married Kyle, it would give him that bit more power and reach. Kyle’s aim was to utilise my father’s money, and make a bid for London. He didn’t care when he met me that I was underage, in fact, he commented that he liked that I looked younger,” she spat in disgust, and I’m not surprised. I can already tell what type of a guy Kyle is, and it’s not one that I like. He’s also the type of guy Liam and I prefer not to keep using up all the quality air that should be for good people, not perverts like him. We may have to rectify that problem, and soon!

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