Page 13 of Trust In Me

“I can’t believe your father would put you in that position. I’m so sorry, Mia.” I don’t even know if they’re the right words.

Reaching out, I take her hand in mine. It’s not much, but it’s the only thing I can think to do to reassure her. As our fingers clasp together, I feel her gripping me tightly, and I welcome it. She can take as much from me, whatever she needs.

“My father is not a good guy. That’s why I don’t talk about him. To the world he’s this perfect businessman and family man, but if you truly get to know him, you will see how poisonous he is. I think it must have been the texts that put Kyle in my head. I try not to think about him, and I usually take medication to try and control the nightmares, but since I fell asleep in here, I obviously didn’t take them. I’m so sorry for waking you. I didn’t wake Hallie, did I?” she asks, a look of regret and shame flashing across her face.

Squeezing her hand tighter, I shake my head. “That little monster could sleep through a fucking earthquake. But once she is awake, that’s it then, there’s no going back. Look…” I point over to the cot to the side of me, and she leans over to look into it. “See, I told you, she’s sleeping like a baby.”

Mia laughs gently at my joke, before giving me a small smile. “She looks so peaceful when she’s fast asleep.”

Now it’s my turn to laugh. “She is. It’s when she wakes up that she’s a fucking monster,” I joke, hoping Mia knows I’m only joking. Hallie might be a handful, and I may never have expected to be doing all this by myself, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Maybe she just feels safe sleeping next to you. I like the side cot idea,” Mia says, pointing at the special cot I bought. I know it’s intended to be used for mums who are breastfeeding, so they can feed and put the baby down without getting out of bed. But, I’m a tired single dad with abandonment issues. I want to be able to see Hallie at all times, to know she is safe and loved. The cot helps me to do that.

“Maybe now you know where you are, and that I’m here watching over you, do you think you can go back to sleep for an hour or two? That’s all I’ve got until this one wakes up.” I hate how shy and shaky my voice has gone all of a sudden.

I know I like Mia. I know I’m attracted to her. But, I also know I don’t trust her yet. I like that she is starting to open up, and I’m starting to trust her more, but we still have a long way to go. She thinks she’s the broken one, but what she doesn’t realise is that I’m equally as broken. I’m held together with sticky tape, just enough for me to function and be a dad for Hallie. But as each day passes, the tape gets a little weaker, the burdens get a little heavier, and it won’t be too long before I smash completely. I don’t know if I can hold myself together, let alone her too, but I sure as fuck am going to try.

“Are you sure?” she asks through hooded eyes.

Fuck, this is not the time for her to start looking sexy. It’s hard enough to get my cock under control when I’m around her at the best of times, and now really is not the time. So, as I pull us both down so that we’re lying on the bed, Mia nestled in the crook of my shoulder with her head on my chest and her body beside mine, I try to think of anything to get this fucking erection to go down.

She falls asleep fairly quickly, and as she makes these delicate little snores, I’m pleased to see the serene look on her face. Looking between the two beautiful girls at either side of me, both softly snoring in tandem, like they have been doing it forever, my heart soars. It’s the strangest feeling, one I’ve never really felt before. It’s almost like serenity, if that’s the right word. I could stay engulfed in this forever.

* * *

Like clockwork, as soon as the clock turns to six in the morning, Hallie begins to cry. I reach over to settle her, to bring her over to lie on my chest the way I do every morning. Only this morning it’s harder for me to grab Hallie as my other arm is occupied. Mia is sleeping peacefully by my side, and I’m torn between pulling my arm out from under her, which could wake her up, and doing it slowly so as not to jostle her, but that leaves Hallie screaming the house down for longer.

I make the decision to pull off the plaster, quick and painless. I yank my arm out from under Mia, trying as hard as possible to let her just roll to the side, but not too far away. Then, I quickly grab Hallie, and lay her on my chest. It’s enough to stop her griping, for now. She wakes up instantly, there’s no transition period with this kid. Her head is up, her bright blue eyes that match mine are wide open, looking around at everything. She reaches out with both of her hands, grasping onto my lip with one hand and my hair with another.

“Hello, my beautiful bear. How are you this morning? You slept so well for Daddy. Yes you did,” I coo, as quietly as possible, in the most unmanly baby voice possible. I just can’t help it when I’m with Hallie. I don’t give a shit how many man points I lose. If talking like an idiot earns me a smile, or on a really good day a laugh, I will act like the biggest joker in the world. That’s what being a dad is all about. I live for her little giggles.

We sit there just playing peek-a-boo or chatting away in her own little baby language for a little while. I try to be quiet, to not disturb the beauty I pulled back into my arms, but if Hallie wants to screech when I tickle her, then she will.

Sure enough, that wakes Mia up. I know she’s awake because her soft little snores stop and she suddenly feels rigid beside me. I pretend I don’t know she’s awake, and just carry on playing with Hallie until Mia starts to relax.

“All right, my pretty lady, you are starting to smell. You have ruined the party for everyone. So we better get you changed and get you some breakfast because I’m sure you are hungry,” I say to Hallie, and I know she doesn’t really understand me, yet she reaches out like I’m offering her food right now.

“You better be talking to Hallie. It’s not nice to tell a girl she smells,” Mia jokes, lifting her head slightly so she can see me. I flash her my best smile, one she happily returns.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t talking about you. But, I’m not going to lie to her. This girl has a talent when she fills her nappy,” I joke, although it’s all true. I’ve never seen so much shit come out of such a little person. For the first few days, before I learnt that yellow runny shit is normal for a baby, I was convinced there was something wrong with her. That’s the sort of thing they don’t teach you in the baby books. And don’t even get me started on the black tar they first shit out. I nearly called an ambulance!

I’m proud to say I’ve become a much better dad. Now when I think she’s doing something weird or alien-like, I consult the internet. If there’s nobody else with the same issue, then I worry. It’s basically freestyle parenting, but it’s working so far.

“You are not wrong there. Do you want me to change her while you do the breakfast?” Mia asks, and I can’t help but smile. I’ve never had anyone to share the responsibilities with before. It feels kinda nice, but I’m not quite there yet.

“Would it be okay if you got the breakfast ready? I’m gonna go get Uncle Liam on changing duty. Then maybe we can have a chat about you being Hallie’s nanny. It will have to be for a trial initially, but we can go over the details at breakfast. When I say trial, it’s not because I don’t think you’re good enough, or anything like that,” I mumble, and Mia reaches her hand out, putting her finger over my lips to stop me from speaking.

“A trial would be perfect. Hallie’s your baby, and you have a rough past. I, of all people, can understand struggling to trust other people. I’m honoured you want to give me a chance.” Her voice is bright and airy, to match her smile. Hallie obviously likes what Mia just said as she starts to giggle, before reaching out to grab Mia’s finger that’s covering my mouth. Mia lets her take it and giggles when Hallie tries to put the finger in her mouth.

We stay like that for a few minutes, me just laying there while Hallie and Mia play together, both lying on my chest. That strange somersault feeling in my stomach returns. It feels so alien, but I quite like it. Only when Hallie starts to grumble do I quickly get up.

“I’m gonna go get Liam. Can you hold her a second while I grab the stuff I need?” I ask, and before I can answer she pulls Hallie over onto her chest. She then stretches her arms out above her body so Hallie is floating above her. They make aeroplane noises and every so often Mia will drop her arms quickly, making Hallie feel like she is being dropped, even though she isn’t, and my little girl's laughter rings out around the room.

I should be grabbing what I need to change Hallie and get her ready for the day, but instead, I’m mesmerised, watching Mia play with Hallie. I’ve seen her pressed against a wall, panting my name, and writhing around whilst straddling me, and she looked fucking hot each time, but never has she looked as beautiful as she does when she is laughing with my little Hallie Bear.

Once I’ve grabbed everything I need, I throw it into the changing bag, and throw it over my shoulder. I reach over to pick up Hallie, who grumbles at being taken away from Mia, which is obviously a good sign. She clearly likes her. Then, it’s like my body has a mind of its own, and I lean over to press my lips to Mia’s. It may have been short, but it’s deep and intense, just the way a good morning kiss should be. The only problem is, good morning kisses are for girlfriends, or people you are dating, not for your newly hired nanny who accidentally fell asleep in your bed.

Mia’s just as shocked by the kiss as me, her fingers touch her lips, feeling where mine just were. She looks stunned, like she wants to say something but is lost for words. It was a fucking great kiss!

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