Page 33 of Trust In Me

“Mia, I know I’ve been a dick about this and made excuses, I don’t even really know how to apologise for that. I could stand here and blame it all on Shayla, tell you all about how she messed me up and left me the asshole I am now, and to a degree that would be right. But, the truth is, I was a mess before I even met Shayla. Before her, I’d never had a real relationship, and I’m not entirely sure I would have had one with Shay, if it hadn’t been for her getting pregnant with Hallie. I have major abandonment issues, and as a result, I push people away before they get a chance to ditch me. Before I held Hallie in my arms, I was convinced I didn’t know what love was. I knew I felt something for Shay, and I called it love. I definitely felt more for her than I did for anyone else.” Kellan takes a deep breath and he looks like his mind is somewhere else for a moment. I try to hide how fucking horrible it is hearing him talk about loving someone else, even though she’s Hallie’s mum.

His gaze finally reconnects with mine before he continues. “I didn’t really love her. I think I wanted to love the mother of my child, and I really did try the entire time we were together. But the moment Hallie was born and I held her, I knew what love really felt like. My heart doubled in size, and I knew beyond all doubt how I felt, and I wasn’tinlove with Shay.”

Thank fuck for that, I think, but as Kellan starts to chuckle, I realise I just said that out loud. My cheeks flame as embarrassment spreads over my cheeks.

Kellan takes one of my hands and holds it in his, our fingers clasped tightly together, and he gently strokes his thumb over the back of my hand. It’s such an innocent gesture, but I feel as though he’s leaving a burning trail over my skin. My stomach is doing somersaults, and I feel like every time I breathe I’m trying to gasp for air. I’m almost light-headed as this man consumes me.

“When I first met you, I was terrified. I knew you made me feel things I never had before. Not just the sexual chemistry, because of course I would want to fuck you. Any living man with a dick can see how gorgeous and sexy you are, but it’s more than that. I wanted to know you, and when I found out you were keeping things from me, I couldn’t cope. It brought back all the feelings I had about Shayla. I know I’m a hypocrite because I’ve never really told you what happened, and why should I ask you to place all your trust in me when I can’t reciprocate? But, all that is changing today. I’m willing to tell you everything, if you are. I know I can’t promise what the outcome will be after all this, but I can promise you that this is the best way to try. I want you, Mia. I want all of you. I can’t promise you the world, but I can promise that if you put your trust in me, I won’t ever break it. Surely that’s a good place to start?” Kellan looks hopeful, his crystal blue eyes sparkling as that cocky grin I love so much spreads across his face.

I reach up and swipe a rogue piece of hair off his forehead, before running my fingers through his silky smooth black hair. His deep rumbling moan causes his stomach to vibrate, and fuck can I feel it ricocheting through my pussy. I didn’t know just touching his hair could be a sexual move, but apparently it is. I can’t resist any more. If having this gorgeous man laying naked underneath me wasn’t enough, he then goes and literally says everything a girl could want to hear.

Leaning down, I grip his hair with one hand, and use the fingers of my free hand to trail over his tattoos, before I lightly press my lips against his. It was meant to just be a sweet kiss, but as soon as I feel his mouth under mine, I lose all control. My lips crush against his, and I swipe my tongue across his lower lip, desperate to demand access. Kellan wastes no time in responding, his hands grip my hips, pulling me down harder until my clit is scraping across his abs. I groan into his lips, but I don’t stop my tongue from mingling with his.

When we finally pull away, we are both desperately gasping for breath and my whole body feels as though it is on fire. My clit feels like it is throbbing, in desperate need of more attention. All my nerve endings are sizzling, and I can still feel the ghost of his touch against my skin. I almost feel lost without his lips on mine. But I know we need to talk first.

“That’s the perfect place to start. I want you to know, Kel, that nobody has ever made me feel even a fraction of what you do. I know there is great potential here for me to get hurt, and I know there are a million reasons why I shouldn’t be here in your bed, but I don’t care. I like you, as in I like you a lot. I have never done this with another person, I have never put my trust in anyone. Even Bree only knows bits, and she is legit my only friend. So, even if you want to walk away when this is out there, please promise me that you won’t hurt me. Please promise that no matter how this evolves, I’ll always be Hallie’s nanny. I don’t want to lose what I have. I know there’s potential for me to get everything I’ve ever wanted, which is why I’m willing to make this blind leap, all I ask is that you will catch me when I jump.” I try to look away, not wanting him to be able to see my vulnerability, but in the end there’s no point. I’m sitting here naked, baring my soul to him. I’ve already taken that leap, now it’s all on him.

His cocky smile tells me he has no doubts that he will be there to catch me. “Mia, you will always be Bree’s friend, and you will continue to live here. I don’t even feel I need to say this because it won’t happen, but I know you need to hear it. So, here it is. If anything happens between us, and I suddenly become an asshole who doesn’t realise how fucking amazing you are and we break up, I guarantee you can stay on as Hallie’s nanny. Unless you do anything crazy illegal, or anything to put my daughter's life at risk, then there’s no reason for you not to stay on as her nanny. You love her, and she loves you. Besides, finding a nanny who is okay with our family business and doesn’t want to report us to the police is not easy,” Kellan jokes, and I can’t help but chuckle. Growing up the way I did, being around criminals is the norm for me. But, when we are all at home, it doesn’t feel like I live with some of the most dangerous people in the world. They are my friends, and what they do for a living barely even registers with me.

Jokingly, I reply, “I promise to not call the police on you in a fit of jealous rage.”

Kellan’s responding chuckle does dangerous things to my insides. “Okay, then I guess I should start.” He takes a big gulp, before reaching for the bottle of water on the side of the bed. He shuffles me slightly so he is sitting up more, his back against the headboard of the bed. This new position has his cock nestled between my folds, and it feels fucking amazing. I try not to move, as just a slight tilt of my pelvis would have allowed the tip to enter me easily. I’m so distracted, I almost miss Kellan beginning to talk when he has finished with his water.

“Hallie’s birth mother, Shayla, is part of the Celtic Reapers MC. I was hired by her to pull off a job, and if she successfully completed the job she earned her freedom from the Reapers. The Reapers are evil men, who have absolutely no respect for women. Shayla was their princess, her father is the president, but that didn’t keep her safe. I got a call to say she’d been taken to hospital, and they had beaten the shit out of her for staying too late at her meeting with me. After that, we bonded while I visited her in hospital. No matter how much of a front she put on, I knew she was terrified. So I agreed to help her. She stayed with me while we planned the job. We pulled it off successfully and Shay earned her freedom, but she had to return to them for a month; they called it giving her notice on the MC.

“When I met back up with her, and her friend, Jamieson, came with her, I knew there was something wrong. She was clearly on drugs, and not the Shayla I left. She finally confessed that she was pregnant, and I could be the father. But, so could fifteen other Reapers, as she was gang-raped around the time she fell pregnant. We organised a foetal DNA test and it confirmed that I was the father. After that, Shay came to live with me. We left the Reapers behind, or so I thought.

“I spent months preparing for Hallie’s birth, building a home with her, and I thought we would be happy. Looking back now, there are obvious signs. She spent more time preparing me to be a father than she did anything else. She didn’t want to name her, or bond with her in any way. The day of the birth came, and even when Hallie was born, I adored her, but she never did. She wouldn’t even look at her, let alone hold her. Then, around five hours after the birth, she asked me to get her a sandwich from the local deli she likes, and since she had just pushed a baby out of her vagina with no pain relief, it was the least I could do. That’s when Shay decided to leave. She left my baby in one of those glass fishbowl cots, and abandoned us.

“I watched the CCTV and her friend Whiskey came to collect her. That’s when I did my research and found out she actually married Whiskey the day before she came to live with me, saying she wanted to build a life with me. She stole all of my money, had me legally sign over everything I own to her. I was left with no house, no money, and a newborn baby to raise all by myself. The local authorities informed me they would be doing a spot check of my place within the first week, just to make sure I was a suitable single parent. If I was, they would close the case and accept that Shay abdicated all her parental rights, leaving me a single parent. But they could take her from me if I didn’t pass the checks. So, with the help of Liam and his family, I got myself a shitty apartment, and made it the best little home it could be. I passed the inspection and that was it. Until fatherhood beat me. I just couldn't cope by myself, and so when Bree offered to let me live here, I jumped at the chance. My life has never been better.”

He seems to speak forever, but I don’t ever want him to stop. I’m captivated by each and every word that leaves his mouth. I wanted to hate Shayla, and fuck there’s a part of me that really fucking does hate her. I mean, who abandons their baby while they are still in hospital? That on its own is unforgivable, but the way she hurt Kellan, it’s no wonder he’s broken. He believes their entire relationship was built on lies, and so even if it actually did mean something to her, he will never believe that, and I don’t blame him.

“Kellan, I don’t even know what…” I tail off, not entirely sure what the fuck I should say to this. How do I tell him that I understand, that I feel for him? But more importantly, how do I tell him that I won’t hurt him like she did? I won’t just leave, and our relationship won’t be built on lies.

“It’s okay, Mia. I know you aren’t like Shayla,” he says, but there’s a sadness in his eyes that I hate to see. Without even thinking, I press my lips against his. It’s hard, bruising, and over before it ever really begins. But it’s enough to tell him how I feel.

“Too fucking right I’m not Shayla. I would never leave you or Hallie like that. Even if things break down between us, I would always say goodbye. I can’t promise to never hurt you, but I can promise to try. I will be open and honest with you, I will put my trust in you, and I will let you see a side of me that I’ve spent the last five years keeping hidden. I know you want me to promise to hold your heart in my hand and to never break it, but I ask the same of you,” I say, hoping it’s enough for him to put the hurt he feels behind him. Are my words enough to make him forget about Shayla, and to take a chance on me?

“I promise to hold your heart in my hand and cherish it. You can trust me, Mia.” Any hint of sadness is long forgotten, and the smile on his face seems to be the one he uses just for me. I match his smile and before I can speak, he continues to talk. “When I was telling you about the job I did with Shayla, I missed an important part out, but not intentionally. I didn’t realise it was important until yesterday. I need to tell you where I was yesterday, and I need to ask for your forgiveness.”

The way he looks at me, I want to forgive him without even knowing what he’s talking about, but years of behaviour can’t be undone in just one moment. “I need you to explain.” I don’t know what else to say, so I wait and hope that I can forgive him for what comes next.

Mia’s big brown eyes stare up at me as I ask her to forgive me. I have no idea how I’m going to explain yesterday, but I also know that if we stand any chance at a relationship, honesty is the foundation. Although, as she wiggles around, my hard cock nestled between her warm pussy lips, concentrating becomes almost as hard as my shaft.

“Yesterday, Bree, Liam, Kian, and I attended a meeting, but I set it up. After you told me about Kyle, I knew how terrified you were. So, I did a bit of digging, and his family works with Bree. So, we arranged a meeting with Kyle under the pretence of a loyalty meeting. He thought we were testing his loyalty to Bree. Naturally, while we were quizzing him, the subject of his future wife came up. We made it very clear that you were already spoken for and would never be his wife. He didn’t take it well, and called your father to check with him. Long story short, both Kyle and your father know you’re spoken for. I know I shouldn’t have told them that without speaking to you first, but I needed to keep them away from you. Your father argued that you have an obligation that you agreed to, and that Whitlocks keep their word. Bree countered, reminding your father that he promised you could graduate first, which you haven’t yet. Is all that true so far?” I ask, wanting to check I have all the second-hand facts correct. That is what Bree and Whitlock said, but it doesn’t mean it’s true.

Tears fill Mia’s eyes and my heart breaks that I’m the reason they are there. Sadly, things will get worse before they get better. We need to get it all out in the open, no matter how much it hurts. “I mean, it’s kinda true. He said I had to marry, and I said I wanted to get a qualification. He agreed I could graduate first. But then I ran away. I thought he just never chased me. I didn’t realise he was simply giving me the time he’d promised, and now he expects me back. It makes sense, it sounds like something he would do.”

“Mia, listen to me,” I say, as I take her hand in mine while the other sweeps a lock of hair behind her ear, cupping her silky, soft cheek. “I made it very clear that you’re with me, and nothing will change that. In the end, Bree agreed that when you graduate, you would honour your commitment, but that will never happen. We only said that to buy us time. We wanted you to have a couple of months with no contact from them, and if either does reach out to you, tell us straight away please. It will forfeit the deal and you can walk away. I think that’s what Bree is hoping they will do, but if that doesn’t happen, we have a few months to come up with a plan.”

Mia simply nods her head, as a gentle stream of tears strolls down her cheek. Fuck, I hate that this isn’t over yet. “Mia, there’s more.” Her eyes widen, and I see the sharp intake of breath she takes before she fixes her resolve, her back a little straighter. My girl is showing how strong she can be.

“Just tell me,” she says, as she wipes a stray tear from her cheek.

“Remember I told you about the job I did with Shayla? Well, the person we pulled the job on was Mortimer Whitlock. I did all my research on him. I knew he had a daughter, but that she was estranged, so I didn’t look further. Everything I know about you, I learnt in person, and I promise you that. But, I do know who your father is. I know the type of public figure he is, but I also know what the real Whitlock is like. What he gets up to in his spare time, and the type of things he likes to do for fun. I didn’t associate him with you until today. That’s when it clicked into place. You should know, I told Kyle and your father that you are mine, and I made the decision to pursue this thing with you before I connected you to him. I can’t deny my jealousy was overwhelming, and the idea of you being with anyone else was driving me crazy, and that’s when I realised I feel that way because I want you to be with me.” I mean every single word I say, and I want her to know that I’m not just saying it because I feel sorry for her.

My hands cradle her face, as I use my thumbs to wipe away the tears that are falling. Her eyes look hollow, and I’ve never seen Mia look in so much pain. When she starts to speak, there's a quiver in her voice that I hate to hear. “You know, don’t you? I don’t even need to tell you, you’ve worked it out. How can you still want me?” I pull her into a hug as sobs rack her body and my heart breaks.

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