Page 34 of Trust In Me

Cradling Mia against my chest, I wait for the sobs to die down before I talk. “Yes, I know what your father’s secrets are, and I might be able to guess what yours are, but I don’t want to do that. I want you to be the one to tell me. I don’t want to cast aspersions that may be incorrect. I want you to trust me enough to tell me your story. As for asking me how I can still want you, you have to be fucking joking! Mia, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Yes, you have scars and I want to be with you because of those scars. They make you stronger, they make you the person you are today. You’ve grown so much just over the last few months. I’ve watched you cuddle and laugh with my daughter. I’ve held you while you’ve cried and helped you feel safe. I have yet to see a part of you I don’t like. I don’t say this lightly, but I know falling for you will be easy. I was scared to give it a chance before, but now I’m not. I want us to be brave together.”

Her tears stop, and as she raises her head to face me with a smile on her face, my heart soars that this girl could feel the same as I do. “Please don’t think less of me when you hear my story,” she mutters, before taking a big, deep breath. She tries to hold herself taller, her back straighter, as her gaze meets mine. I give her a smile, but don’t say anything. I can tell her a million times that I won’t leave or see her differently, but these are things I will need to prove over time. It must be enough as she starts her story.

“I’ve been abused one way or another my entire life, I can’t even pinpoint when it started. To the outside world, I was the posh little rich girl—Daddy’s princess—but that was all for show. It started as neglect. My mother doesn’t know how to care for another human, I think she only had a baby because my father made her. I was four years old when I burnt myself for the first time trying to make toast. I was taken to hospital, but Father didn’t like all the questions and how it reflected badly on him. It’s the first time I was properly punished. I was bent over my father’s desk while he beat me with his belt until the pain from the burn melted to nothing. After that, the beatings became fairly regular.”

My hands ball into fists as I listen to Mia tell me the worst parts of her life. My thoughts go to my little Hallie, and no matter how pissed I am with her, I could never treat her like that. I don’t know which parent I’m most mad at. Her dad for being an abusive asshole, or her mother for allowing it. She should be the one to protect Mia, but then again, I know all about mothers who don’t have an ounce of maternal instinct in their bodies.

Taking a few deep breaths, Mia seems to find her courage to continue. “The cycle of neglect and abuse continued for a few years. My father perfected beating me in places that couldn’t be seen, and I became good at hiding it. Some days the pain was so bad, I physically struggled to walk to school, but I knew I had to hide it. If anyone at school suspected, it would taint the perfect picture my family portrays to the outside world, which would result in me being in even more trouble. So, I learnt to push on. Until one day, the school called them anyway. I thought I’d done a good job of hiding the bruises, and I always did all my school work.

“My heart raced as I waited to find out what I’d done wrong. It turns out the teacher wanted to let them know I was working to a more advanced level and they were considering putting me forward to a higher learning group. I thought this was a good thing, living up to my family name. It was all good until right at the end, when my teacher made an off-hand comment that I was quiet and she’d like to see me make friends with other kids. I was seven years old and had no friends. I didn’t even realise that was abnormal. I was just so focused on doing what was expected of me, I didn’t have time to laugh and joke with the other children. I also didn’t have the energy to run around the playground, I was in too much pain trying to walk.

“Naturally, my father latched onto the negative comment, and punished me. As he beat me, he told me the importance of manipulating people to my own benefit. That real relationships are pointless, that you should always benefit from a relationship in some way. He told me he’s always the most popular person in the room and has everyone’s trust. My father loves to be the puppetmaster, pulling everyone’s strings, manipulating them for his own gain, and now he wants me to do the same thing.”

I don’t mean to gasp as I’m enthralled by Mia’s story, but I think I may have just connected all the puzzle pieces together without even realising it. Her eyebrows raise and she questions me with her eyes.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your story, but I’ve been trying to learn things about your father, and I think you may have just connected the pieces. I couldn’t understand why he seems to be friendly with everyone, with no real agenda, but that’s just how it looks. He has a goal, we just don’t know what it is exactly. He appears non-threatening to them, so he can manipulate them. I’m guessing, if a time comes where we decide to cut ties with him, your father will use what he knows to either change our minds, or create a force to challenge Bree’s leadership. He has an extensive Black Book, so that every move he ever needs to make, will be covered. That’s why he needs you to lock down the Fratacellos. They’re probably the biggest family, after the Doughtys, who are capable of making a move against Bree. With Desmond temporarily aligned with Bree, I’m guessing your father realises he won’t be able to use that angle, which makes your alliance with Kyle all the more important,” I explain, and Mia’s chocolate brown eyes widen in shock.

“Is he working with Desmond?” Mia asks, and I can’t help but chuckle.

“Yeah, he has been for a while. Sometime last year, before Bree took over as leader, everyone was speculating who would take over from Vernon, and some saw that as their prime opportunity to move on London, overthrowing the O’Keenans in a moment of weakness. Around that time, Desmond got an influx of cash and weapons, readying himself to move. Liam doesn’t know this, but I was keeping an eye on Des. I wanted to ensure he wasn’t going to get my family killed. I was going to look into who was backing him when Liam went and kidnapped Bree. Thankfully, Des supported their partnership, but it was around that time that I became a dad, and looking into Desmond fell to the bottom of my to-do list.” My words tumble out far quicker than I intended, but I can’t help it. When I finally crack a puzzle that’s been irritating me for a while, the excitement is overwhelming. I understand our target a little more now, which gives me the upper hand.

I’m brought back to the moment by a gentle squeeze of my hand, making me remember what we were talking about originally. Fuck, I got so distracted, my brain ran off on a tangent. Mia gives me a small smile, ready to continue her story.

“I was just eight years old when the abuse reached its worst. Eight years old when my father raped me for the first time. It took you a while to figure out who my father really is, but I always knew. His business associates would bring children over to the house, and at first I thought it was so I could have a friend, but I was very wrong. He abused them in the worst ways possible, and I had to help them get cleaned up afterwards. I had to warn them to never utter a word of the horrors they experienced in my house. I was responsible for silencing them. Then, one day, the girl he’d bought didn’t show up, she was ill, but that didn’t make my father any less horny. His exact words were, ‘I don’t know why I’m bothering to order takeout, when the exact food I crave is right here’.” Mia shudders as the memory consumes her. My stomach rolls, and if I’d eaten anything last night, it’d be threatening to make a reappearance right about now.

I knew Whitlock was bad, but I never suspected he was capable of this. It’s fucking sick that he does this to other kids, but to his own is reprehensible. I worry day and night about keeping Hallie safe from monsters, so the fact that Mia’s supposed protector was her monster is awful. She had nobody on her side.

Taking a deep breath, her voice thick with emotion, she continues, “The abuse just got worse after that. If he wasn’t raping me, he was pimping me out to his friends for them to rape me. When I became a teenager, he started selling me in sex clubs, making money from my pain and misery. I was fifteen when I met Kyle, he was twenty-three. I thought he was just another asshole who’d bought me for the weekend. But, Kyle hadn’t bought me as such, he’d demanded my hand in marriage, in exchange for his family connecting with mine. After that, I was made to spend every other weekend with him. At first I looked forward to them, they were a chance to get away from the assholes my father sold me to, or my father himself.

“To start with, Kyle was kind, and we simply got to know each other. I had my own room, he fed me, and gave me books because he knew I enjoyed reading. That only lasted a couple of months. He was buttering me up before the training started. I spent my weekends training to be the perfect, obedient little housewife. They taught me how to run a household, during the day, but at night I was taught to put my own feelings aside and simply pleasure my husband. I was fifteen and I was taught about orgasm denial, anal, and so much more. I was taught to accept the pain, as long as it gave my husband pleasure.”

Mia tries to fight back the tears filling her eyes. My heart breaks for her, and I know my eyes are filled with unshed tears too. I hate that my beautiful, fragile Mia has seen more horrors than anyone ever should, let alone a child.

Reaching up, using the pad of her thumb, she swipes away a rogue tear I hadn’t meant to allow to fall. Just when I think she is going to continue speaking, she bends down and places a quick but firm kiss on my lips. It may be short, but it's bruising and memorable. Why is she the one supporting me? Fuck, if I didn’t know how strong this fucking woman was before, I do now.

“I hate that you went through all that, Mia.” I don’t know what else to say. She doesn’t need my apologies or my pity, nor will she get them. But she will get my unyielding support.

“Thank you. As I’m sure you’ve worked out, it caused me unimaginable pain and suffering. So, when I met Bree at the debutante training, I was pretty much living a lie. We became friends very quickly, but we both had secrets. I was never available on weekends, and Bree knew not to ask questions. If she heard all this now, she’d be so pissed she didn’t do or say something, but we were just kids. There’s nothing we could have done.”

“How did you get away?” I ask, not really sure what else to say.

“One weekend, after my father beat and raped me while I was barely conscious, I made the decision that I needed to leave. If I didn’t at least try, I’d die there. I set off for school like I always do, only that day my bag was packed with whatever I could carry. I’d been hiding stuff in a locker at the station for around a week, including whatever money I could get my hands on. My father’s so rich he didn’t even notice me taking the odd twenty-pound-note from him every so often. Once I was sure I had enough, I made my move. I’d managed to steal a few thousand, which I knew would keep me going for a while, and after grabbing my things I bought a train ticket and just kept moving. I hopped from trains to buses, trying not to get caught. I hid in crappy motels for months, checking in under a false name.

“One day, I came back to the motel after my shift—I’d started working in a local cafe for money—there was an envelope on the bed. I don’t know how he found me, but he did. It basically said he was pissed at me, and that I would be punished for this. Apparently, my age, and the fact that I now have a woman’s body, meant I wasn’t worth as much to him anymore, which is why he hasn’t wasted too much effort trying to find me. He said that since he’s a fair man, he will allow me to finish my studies, but then I need to return to marry Kyle. I didn’t think too much of it, and I just started living my life. I tried to tell myself he would forget all about me, but I’ve always known there's a hammer above my head just waiting to fall.”

I see the lost look in her eyes, and my heart breaks for this beautiful girl. I don’t even know how to explain it, but I feel like my heart is growing to make room for her. I’d already decided I want to give us a chance, to see where this might lead, but as I stare into the eyes of a girl who has been through more pain and heartbreak than any person ever should, I have an overwhelming urge to not only protect her, but to also show her that there’s good in this world. All she’s ever known is pain and suffering, and men who are more interested in their own pleasure than her. I want her to know there are men who treat women like the queens they really are. I need to do this, not just because Mia deserves it, but for Hallie. I need to know I’m not raising my daughter in a world filled with assholes. I want her to look at the way I treat Mia, and Liam treats Bree, and know that’s what she should aim for. She should never settle for any man who is less than we are.

“I wish I could tell you that we’ve sorted all your problems, but that doesn’t mean we won’t. We have a plan, Mia, we just need more time. Getting them to back off for a couple of months gives us time, and I promise you, we will come up with a plan. If it was as easy as killing Kyle, I would have done it this morning for you, but now we know your father is clearly planning something, taking out the Fratacellos wouldn’t make a difference. Your father is power mad, and you’re a resource he needs.”

I run my fingers lightly down Mia’s back to comfort her, loving the way she shivers beneath my touch. “Now you know everything. Why aren’t you looking at me differently?” she mutters, barely above a whisper as a blush spreads across her cheeks.

“What?” I ask, unsure of how exactly I’m supposed to look. I didn’t think she would want me to feel sorry for her, or pity her—which I don’t, so I keep those emotions off my face. Of course I feel her pain, how could I not. I also feel rage, and if it wasn’t for the beautiful, naked girl sitting on top of me, I’d be pacing, trying not to punch something. I know when I truly allow myself to think about the horrors Mia’s endured, I’ll become consumed by blinding rage, so I’m trying to keep that out of my head and off my face.

“Kellan, I’ve liked you since the first time I met you. Or should I say, I’ve been attracted to you since then. I didn’t like you because you were an asshole,” she adds with a chuckle, and I roll my eyes at the memories. I was insanely attracted to her too, more than I’d ever been with any other woman, and that scared the shit out of me. I know now why she kept secrets from me, this isn’t the sort of thing you tell just anyone, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t affected by the secrets.

Before I get a chance to cut in with my own comments, she places a finger against my lips and continues. “The more I get to know you, the more I like you. You are kind, caring, insanely sexy, and I swear to God my ovaries explode every time I see you playing with Hallie. I’ve watched you change the way you are with me. I’ve seen it become harder and harder for you to come up with reasons why we can’t be together. I’ve been right there with you, and I’m over the fucking moon that you want to be with me. But I’ve always been terrified that when I tell you the truth, you’ll look at me differently. Who wants a girlfriend that lost her virginity to her father at eight years old? Or one whose sexual experience only includes being raped? I don’t even know if I can. You make me feel things I didn’t think were possible, and last night was hands down the most amazing experience of my life, but I don’t know if I can ever give you more.” The tears she managed to keep at bay earlier flow freely now, and it hurts me so much that she finds talking about this more painful than talking about what her father put her through.

I cup my hands over her cheeks, making sure to wipe away the tears with the pads of my thumbs before I pull her gaze to meet mine. “Listen to me very carefully, Mia. Knowing all of this, it doesn’t change a single thing. I like you, all of you. Of course I think sex is important, I’m still a guy, after all. But, it’s not the only part of a relationship. I would wait an eternity if that’s what it takes for you to feel comfortable enough for me to show you what sex should be like. I want to show you that sex isn’t about what someone can take from you. All those men ever did is take what they needed from you, and fuck the consequences. That’s not how it should be. I want to show you how much you should get out of sex. How every touch, every kiss, every movement, they should all be aimed at giving you what you need. But, if we never get there, and you don’t ever feel like you can have sex, then that’s okay too.” I watch as she rolls her eyes and it makes me chuckle. Even in the midst of the most serious conversation we’ve ever had, she still finds something to disagree with me over.

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