Page 36 of Trust In Me

Bree laughs. “Speak for your fucking self. I’m very classy, I will have you know.”

Now it’s my turn to laugh along with her. “I hate that people know my secrets, particularly you. But not for the reasons you think. You care so much, Bree. I knew when you found out about my father, you would feel guilty for not being able to save me back then. We were just kids. Even if I’d told you, there’s nothing we could have done. But, for those moments that I hung out with you, it gave me a chance to be a normal kid for a while, something I’d never experienced before. I’m lucky to have you, Bree. Don’t ever question our friendship.”

Her breath catches and as I look into my beautiful, fiery friend’s eyes, I’m shocked to find they are filled with tears. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen this strong, stubborn woman cry, and to see her shedding a tear for me breaks my heart.

“Just so you know, I’m very much considering taking out Whitlock. I just need to find out what he’s planning before I do.” I nod my head, not entirely sure what to say to that. I know it’s something Kellan’s talked about, but I’ve never really thought about how I feel.

There’s no love lost between my father and I. I don’t view him as a dad, and I would most definitely go as far as to say I fucking hate him. So, why do my insides do crazy flips to the point of nausea at the thought of them killing him? My father’s the cause of all my nightmares, and he’s the reason I’m struggling to have even the most basic of relationships with Kellan, yet killing him doesn’t sit right with me and I don’t know why. It doesn’t seem enough. I had to live through years of abuse, yet he’s able to just stop existing. That doesn’t feel like a punishment, and I want him to be punished.

I don’t answer, I just let the silence fill the room, until Hallie’s giggling cuts through it like a knife. “What are you up to this morning?” Bree asks, as I pick Hallie up when I’ve cleaned up even more banana off her. How the hell does this girl have so much of the stuff left over? I thought I got it all before, but it appears she had some stashed away. I think she’s going to need a full outfit change before we head out.

“I was just going to take her to the park this morning. Kellan is around this afternoon. He asked me to be back by lunchtime so we could all go somewhere together. I have no idea where, though.” My brain has been running over all the possibilities since he told me yesterday. At first I thought this was our date, but he informed me that we wouldn’t be taking Hallie on our date. Not that I mind, but he keeps joking that typically a date just involves two people, and no babies.

“Would you mind if I tag along with you to the park? It’s the wedding in a couple of weeks and if I’m being totally honest, I’m trying not to think about it. Every time Ryleigh or Freya ring me to plan something, I freak out. My heart races and I feel physically sick. I want to marry Liam, of course I do. I’m just terrified of something going wrong again,” she explains, her voice sounding strained. If Bree’s admitting that she’s scared, then she must be fucking terrified.

“Of course. You really don’t have anything to stress over, Bree. You know as well as I do that Liam, Kellan, Kian, and your Gramps plan on making sure that the wedding will be one hundred percent safe. No expense will be spared on security, you know that. And Ryleigh was given strict instructions to dial it back.” Bree’s eyes practically shoot out of her head. Ever since Ry was given permission to plan the party, Bree’s been freaked out over what it’s going to be like.

“I know that, but it doesn’t stop me from having flashbacks. I think that because I haven’t dealt with Jimmy yet, it’s not helping. Gramps thinks he’s got important information, and that’s the only reason he’s still alive. I was never close to Vernon, and honestly wasn’t shocked he put himself first, but I never saw Jimmy’s betrayal coming,” Bree explains, while I place Hallie on the living room floor to start getting her changed.

Bree hands over the changing bag and gathers the clothes off the side to help me get her ready to go out. I give Bree a small smile. I, of all people, know exactly how she feels. “I know what it's like to be betrayed by the person who’s supposed to love you. Take it from me, however you deal with him, it won’t help how you feel. Everyone deals with things differently, but doing nothing will be worse. Don’t ever forget you’re a badass!”

Hallie giggles as I finish my sentence, making it sound like she’s joining in our conversation. Once she’s ready and secured into her pram, we head towards the park. I love being able to spend time with my friend, talking to her about the wedding, and hopefully helping to calm her down a bit. Although we live together, we don’t often spend much time as just the two of us. It’s actually quite refreshing getting to gossip like we used to.

The more she talks, I can see she’s getting calmer. They love each other so much, and I hate that their special day is tainted by their previous attempt. They deserve to have such a special day.

We reach the park, and even though Hallie isn’t even one yet, this park is equipped for younger babies. There are some baby swings, little rocking ducks, and even a sandpit for her to play in. Hallie’s squeals when she realises where we are lets us know how much she enjoys it here.

We put her in the sandpit to start with, and we both sit with her to make sure she doesn’t eat the sand. Hallie’s current phase means anything and everything goes into her mouth. I think it’s because she’s teething. It’s hard enough getting the sand out of her nappy, I don’t need it in her mouth as well.

We play in the sandpit for a while, and Hallie loves it. Bree and I continue to use some of the buckets and spades to build little sandcastles, only for Hallie to knock them over with the most hilarious laugh. Girl’s good at destruction, I’ll give her that.

“Why don’t I take her on the swings for a bit, and you head over to the coffee cart and get us some drinks?'' Bree asks, pointing to the coffee cart in the corner of the park. I also see her eying the muffins up lovingly. Despite Bree having a figure to die for, she’s put herself on a diet in preparation for her wedding. We’ve all told her it's crazy, and that she looks unbelievably good without losing any weight, but she won’t be told. I think she’s sending me to the cart because her willpower only stretches so far, and apparently her breaking point is a raspberry and white chocolate muffin.

“Okay, I will grab us some drinks and go to that picnic table over there. Bring her over in a bit,” I say as I stand, brushing sand off my ass in the process.

Bree picks up Hallie, who begins flailing her arms and screaming because she doesn’t want to leave the sandpit. Sand she had in her hands when Bree picked her up flies all over Bree, including in her hair and mouth. I give her an apologetic smile before walking away, leaving her with a screaming baby. I can hear exactly when Bree gets Hallie on the swings because the screaming stops and giggles ring loud instead. She loves being pushed on the swings.

Joining the back of the queue, with around five people in front of me, I notice a blonde woman comes to stand behind me. It feels as though she’s just a little too close. I can’t even explain it, I just get a strange vibe from her. So, when she starts talking to me, my stomach starts to sink.

“Mia, please don't yell or act alarmed. I promise, I’m not here to hurt you or to cause problems,” she says, which admittedly doesn’t settle my nerves. I turn to face her, and as our eyes meet, a strange feeling comes over me, like I’ve met her before.

“Who are you?” I ask.

“I’m Shayla, and Hallie is my daughter.” Her eyes glance towards the swings, and I’m grateful that Bree seems to have Hallie distracted. A rage I probably have no right to feel descends over me. Hearing her call Hallie her daughter, it angers and hurts me because she has no fucking right to that title.

“You can’t be here. Not without Kellan.” I start to walk away, but she grabs hold of my arm and pulls me back into the queue. Her grip isn’t bruising, but it’s tight, and her expression looks serious.

“I’m not here to see her,” she nods towards Hallie, pain etched across her face. “I’m here to see you. I need to know what role you play in my daughter's life. I know you’re her nanny, and you look after her nearly every day, but I need to know if it’s more than that.”

Rage I’ve never felt before descends, and I spin to face her, yanking my arm from her grip so forcefully that her nails drag along my skin. I don’t bother looking to see if the action has drawn blood, it was my fault.

“How is that any of your fucking business? Are you coming back to claim Kellan or Hallie? You can fuck off if you think I won’t fight for them,” I shout, gaining looks from others in the queue. I’m just lucky Bree hasn’t looked over to see me arguing with her. I don’t know if Bree has met Shayla before, but I don’t want to risk it.

Shayla gives me a small, sad smile. “I’m not here to get them back. I couldn’t get Hallie back even if I wanted to. And Kellan…as much as I loved him, and despite what I’m sure he’s told you, I really did fucking love him, but we weren’t ever supposed to be together. He deserves to be with someone who makes him the happiest he can be, who can help him to realise what love really is. What I’m asking is whether that’s you or not.”

My heart skips a beat and I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Hearing her say she isn’t here to claim back my family, it’s exactly what I needed to hear. I only just got them, I’m not ready to let them go.

“We aren’t anything official yet, but I’m hoping so.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, Shayla’s face falls. Her eyes that were filled with pain before now look almost vacant, and she’s staring at me like I just said the last thing in the world she wanted to hear. Why does she look so fucking annoyed when she literally just told me she’s not here for him? Did she lie to me?

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