Page 41 of Trust In Me

We play around in the sea for what feels like ages, before the cold starts to get to us, and I can see Mia’s teeth starting to chatter. She doesn’t want to admit it, but I can see she’s cold, so I pick her up and carry her over to the towels I’ve laid out next to our things. Sitting us down on the big blanket I brought, I waste no time in wiping each of her feet until they are both clean and dry before wrapping her up in the towels and blankets. I can feel her watching me, her lip clamps between her teeth. It’s like she’s waiting to say something, but can’t quite find the words. I look up, meeting her gaze with a big smile, but I don’t say anything. I want her to trust me enough to tell me things in her own time. Even though the wait is killing me, I bite my tongue. Thankfully, I don’t have to wait too long. When she speaks, I’m stunned by her words.

“Tonight, after we’ve watched the sunset together, I want you to take me home and make love to me. I want to know what it’s like with someone I care about. Eventually I want to learn to fuck, and to enjoy a rougher type of sex that I think I would enjoy, without feeling like a whore. But to start with, I just want to feel something I’ve never felt before.” She tries to avert her eyes, like she’s too shy to wait for my answer. Reaching out, I take hold of her chin, holding her gaze so she can’t look away and she’ll see how fucking serious I am.

“Fuck, Mia. You have no idea how much I want to show you what sex should really be like. What it feels like when it’s all about you. And when the time is right, you can bet your fucking ass I’ll be right there for you. But we don’t need to rush. I’m not going anywhere, Flower. I’m in this now, and I have no plans on it ending. We have all the time in the world.”

Mia’s eyes fill with tears, and I have no idea if they’re happy or sad tears. I don’t think anything I just said warrants tears, but you just never know with women.

I watch her gulp, like she is trying to swallow the tears she’s desperately trying not to shed, and when she speaks it’s clogged with emotion. “You don’t want me now?”

Fuck!

Hearing that literally breaks my heart. That’s not what I’m trying to say to her. I’m trying to be the good guy, the one who doesn’t take advantage of someone on the first date. I had no idea this could backfire on me.

“Mia, that’s not at all what I meant. If you’re one hundred percent sure that tonight is the night, then you know I’m in. How can I not be? You’re so fucking gorgeous, it actually hurts my dick every second we aren’t together. I was just trying to think of you.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, a bright smile crosses her face and it warms my heart.

“I’m scared,” she mutters, so quietly it’s almost hard to hear with the waves crashing around us.

“What? Of sex? Because you know I would never hurt you. Even when we get to the stage where you want me to really fuck you, to experiment with you, it will all be on your terms. We will have a safe word and you can always stop, no questions asked. You can trust me, Flower. I won’t ever hurt you,” I exclaim, as I pull her into my arms. She lays her head against my chest, listening to the beat of my heart, and I can tell she’s grateful we don’t have to make eye contact any more.

“I’m not scared of sex. I trust you completely, and I know you would never hurt me. What scares me is how much I like you. How easy it is to like you. Every time you make me smile, or laugh, or you kiss me, my heart expands a little more. It feels like I was made for you, like my heart was made to beat in time with yours. I’m scared that I’m falling in love with you.”

My heart stutters, and I freeze when I hear those words coming from her lips. I know what she means because I feel it too. Like we are destined to love each other, no matter what life throws our way.

Only one other person has ever said those words to me, and at the time I thought I felt the same. I soon realised I couldn’t be more fucking wrong. Shayla never loved me, and I never loved her. Mia’s different. I can feel it building, growing. She’s right, it’s like our hearts were made for each other, and that scares the shit out of me.

“You don’t have to be afraid, Flower. If you give me your heart, I promise to cherish it and protect it, for as long as you let me keep it.” I’m not ready to say those three words yet. I know I will get there soon, but I’m not just going to say them because she does. She deserves better.

I feel a tear trickle down my chest, and I pull her up to look at me. I wait, giving her the time to talk, knowing she needs a minute to find the right words. “I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about you. What if I can’t keep your heart safe? What if I break it?” she asks, tears streaming down her face, and I can’t stop my brow from furrowing in confusion. Why is she so worried about hurting me? She’s the kindest girl in the world, I don’t think she is capable of hurting anyone.

I must’ve said that part aloud because Mia responds. “Broken people are only capable of causing pain. I will hurt you, Kellan.” Her voice sounds so lost and hopeless. Such a difference from the bright, bubbly person who was laughing and joking just a second ago. Mia telling me she loves me shouldn’t be a sad event. We should be singing about it from the fucking rooftops because I’m the luckiest man alive.

“Mia, I trust you with my heart. You don’t have to worry. If you do end up breaking it, that’s okay, as long as I get to love you for just a little bit.” I capture her lips with mine, silencing whatever negative thing she was going to say next. “No more negative talk. I want to sit on the beach, cuddling the woman who makes me the happiest man in the world, as we watch the sunset together. Then, when we go home, we will take things a step at a time.”

Mia nods her head, a small smile crossing her face, and I pull her farther between my legs. My arms surround her, and she lays back, her head against my chest. We lay there together, just talking, waiting for the sun to set. We talk about anything and everything. All our fears are long forgotten, we just live in the moment. As the sun sets, we sit there in silence, and I spend more time watching Mia than anything else. The look of marvel on her face as the sun disappears beneath the ocean is a sight to behold. She is more stunning than the sunset itself.

As the moonlight shines over our bodies, the creamy silk of her skin that has started to develop goose pimples from the cold, makes her look even more gorgeous. I know she wants to stay here longer, but even covered with all the blankets and coats that we brought, I can still feel her shaking. So, I lead her over to the bike.

“One step at a time, Flower. If you say llama, I will stop at any point.” She looks at me with pure confusion etched across her furrowed brow.

“Why llama?”

“A safe word has to be something that wouldn’t normally come up in conversation, and definitely not something one of us would say during sex,” I explain, and Mia smiles when she realises what I’m implying.

“How do you know I don’t scream llama every time I come?” she whispers in my ear. Fuck, it physically hurts when I hear this beauty whisper the word come in my ear. I can feel the shiver ripple down my spine and into my balls.

“You better hope that you don’t. The last thing you want, as you are just about to come, is me hearing the word llama and stopping whatever I’m doing. Leaving you desperate, gasping for more. That would be a shame, wouldn’t it?” I tease, and given the way she trembles, it obviously works.

“I want to try it all with you. I want to be able to fuck like a whore, and know that’s okay, because I’m only a slut for you. One of the things I'm most scared about is doing things with you that will make me feel like I’m just going through the motions, doing what I was taught.”

I shake my head, trying to keep the anger off my face. “I know that scares you, but you don’t ever have to worry about that. You follow how you feel. If the idea of doing something excites you or turns you on, then try it. If the idea makes you feel sleazy, then avoid it. If you follow your body, and trust me to make you feel good, then you will be okay. There’s nothing wrong with being a little slutty for your man. Women should never be afraid of showing their sexy side, and being proud of their sexuality. Anyone who ever made you feel like a slut was wrong. You own your body, nobody else. I’m just here to help you to feel it all,” I explain, and Mia gently places her lips against mine, before whispering into my mouth.

“Let’s get home, now. I can't wait to get slutty for you.”

Fuck! Now not only do I have to drive home with the biggest erection straining against leathers, I also have to drive with that in my brain the whole way home. It’ll be a miracle if I keep to the speed limit.

The ride back to the house seems to take forever and with each minute that passes, I can feel the tension between us growing. The feel of his hard muscles beneath my touch as I hold on to him for the drive home, it makes my fingers tingle. They’re so desperate to move and explore, but the back of his bike is not the place to do that. I don’t know if it’s because I know our time together comes with a deadline, but I don’t want to waste another minute. I want to be with Kellan, I want to give him all of me, and tonight is the perfect night to do that.

Would I be in such a rush to do this if Shayla hadn’t given me this ultimatum? Probably not, but I can’t say for sure. I care very deeply for Kellan, and the chances are we would’ve easily got to this stage anyway. I’m just moving things along a little quicker. But, no matter what, I know I won’t regret tonight. I don’t think I could ever regret anything involving Kellan.

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