Page 46 of Trust In Me

Just the feel of having her silky soft skin against me, is more than enough to have my cock standing to attention. Apparently I just can’t get enough of her. We had what can only be described as the best sex I’ve ever had last night. I honestly didn't know what to expect when Mia said she was ready. I’d have been more than happy to wait as long as she wanted, but when she said she was ready, I was more than on board. I still kept checking in with her throughout the night, waiting for her to change her mind. Yet at each and every stage, she wowed me. I knew this girl was strong, but each time she pushed her fear to one side and simply just followed her own feelings, I was amazed by her.

I thought when we fell asleep that would be it for the night. So, when she woke me up a couple of hours after that first time, I was expecting her to freak out. She didn’t, quite the opposite in fact. It was like talking to a different Mia. Her confidence was sky-high and she had absolutely no regrets. She just said she was surprised, and plans to capitalise while she feels sexy.

Instantly, she threw her legs over my hips and slowly sank down onto my cock. Her breasts swung as she arched her back in the sexiest way. Seeing this hot as fuck woman, completely naked, riding my cock with vigour, I’m surprised I didn’t blow my load there and then. But Mia just wanted to follow her body, and experience many different positions to see what feels best. Obviously it wasn’t exactly a hardship for me to fuck this woman, and each time we tried a new position was better than the last.

When we finally fell asleep just a couple of hours ago, we were both exhausted, but I knew I wouldn’t get away with sleeping too late. Even though Liam and Bree are used to having Hallie, and they know her daytime routine, that doesn’t mean they are used to managing it. Hallie can be quite a handful depending on if she’s in a mood or not. Besides, I can’t bear to be separated from her for too long.

Gently, without trying to jostle Mia, I pull away, lowering her head back onto my pillow so she can continue to sleep for a little longer. On my way to the bathroom, I grab some sweatpants, and I jump in for a quick shower. When I come back out, water droplets dripping from my hair, running down my exposed abdomen, I notice Mia sitting up on the end of the bed. She’s pulled one of my t-shirts over her body, and it dwarfs her petite frame.

It’s not her attire that grabs my attention, it’s the look on her face. Her eyes are downcast at the floor, and she’s fiddling with her fingers that are resting on her knees.

“Morning, beautiful,” I say when I walk into the room. I hit her with my best cocky smile, but she doesn’t reciprocate. In fact, her eyes barely meet mine before they are back to focusing on her fiddling hands again.

Walking over to her, I sit down beside her, before reaching over to take hold of her hands. I want to stop her from picking at the skin on her hands, something I’ve learnt is a nervous habit Mia engages in when she’s highly anxious. I try to stroke at the fresh red, sore skin that she’s just ripped from around her nails.

Before I’ve even had a chance to stroke all of the raw skin, Mia snatches her hand out of mine and stands up in a hurry. I’m so fucking confused. All night we’ve been surrounded by nothing but bliss, yet couldn’t be further from that now. Mia’s pacing like a caged, wild animal, preparing to strike at any moment. I’m just worried that when she does, it will rip me up.

My heart starts to race as a sinking feeling overwhelms me. I run all the possible scenarios through my head, and I try to find the right words. I want to simply ask if she’s okay, but I can already tell I won’t like the answer. So I wait, and give Mia a chance to talk when she’s ready, which thankfully isn’t too long.

“I’m sorry, Kellan,” she mumbles as she stops pacing. I expect her to look at me, but she is trying to look everywhere except at me.

“You don’t have anything to apologise to me for, Flower.”

“Yes, I do,” she shouts, and she finally meets my gaze. Her eyes are full of unshed tears and there’s an emptiness in her gaze that makes the sinking feeling even worse. “Last night was amazing, but it should never have happened. We have so many reasons why us being together is a bad idea, and last night we went too far. I’m not saying I regret it, I’m just saying we shouldn’t have gone as far as we did.”

What the fuck? “That's the same thing, Mia. What are you trying to say?” I shout, desperate for her to stop beating around the bush and just tell me what she is getting at.

“I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m sorry. I thought I was, but I’m not. I love being Hallie’s nanny, and I don’t want to lose the friendship I have with you, Kellan. But I don’t want more. Last night shouldn’t have happened.”

My heart sinks. I physically feel my body deflate, and I just don’t know what to say. Even though her face is covered with the tears that have now broken free, Mia is standing tall, determination clear in her voice. With each word she says with conviction, it feels like she’s slicing me open with a knife.

“You can’t say you won't regret it, but that it shouldn’t have happened, Mia. Make your fucking mind up. Tell me what the hell has made you change your mind. When we fell asleep just a couple of hours ago, you were happy. We were fucking happy. You said you thought you could be falling in love with me, how the fuck has that changed?” I want to shout, to make her hear exactly what I’m trying to say, but it just comes out empty. I know Mia, and once her mind is made up, she won’t change it. Well…that’s what I would have said about her up until a couple of hours ago, but this has just come out of the blue. Or maybe I simply missed the signs? Did I push her too far last night? Did I trigger her in such a way that she simply can’t trust being in a relationship with me?

“I don’t want to talk about it, Kellan. But I’m not going to change my mind. We should never have happened, and we can’t happen again. I need to stay on as Hallie’s nanny until I graduate. I know you probably hate me right now, and I promise that after I graduate I will disappear and you will never hear from me again. All I ask is that you let me finish my course here as promised. Please,” she begs, wiping the tears away from her cheeks.

My brain feels mangled. How have we gone from being blissed out in the perfect relationship just a couple of hours ago, to her now talking about leaving and never seeing us again? That thought hurts me more than anything else.

“Mia, I don’t ever want you to leave and never see you again. Of course you can stay on as Hallie’s nanny, she loves you. But I really would like to talk about this, please. I want to understand what has brought on this change. If we talk about it, we may be able to sort it out.”

Mia shakes her head and groans, running her fingers through her hair. “There’s nothing to discuss, Kel. I have made my mind up, and my reasons are irrelevant. If you want to be friends, we can do that. If not, I can simply be your employee. But that is all I have to offer right now, and I ask you to respect my decision and not try to change my mind. I need you to respect me and keep your distance.”

I place my head in my hands as I blink away the tears that are threatening to break free. I feel like I’m losing her, and I don’t know what to do. Maybe if I give her the distance she thinks she wants, then eventually she will trust me enough to talk to me about what the hell is going on. Something has obviously triggered her enough that she’s too scared to jump into this relationship with me.

Reluctantly, I look up to meet her gaze and give her a small smile. “If that’s what you want, we can be friends. But just for the record, I’ll always want more. I genuinely believe we’re meant to be together, and you know that too. I think you are scared, and that something has caused you to feel this way. I‘m going to hold out hope that one day you feel comfortable enough to discuss this with me, and once we‘ve talked it out, we can be together.”

“I wish I could talk to you, Kellan, but this is just one of those things that you wouldn’t understand. Please believe that I’m acting with your best interests in mind. I don’t want you to wait for me, I want you to move on,” she mutters, and hearing her say that causes my blood to boil.

I try to take some deep breaths, so I don’t lose it too badly, but I can hear my pulse pounding in my head from the anger. “You do not get to tell me to move on, and you sure as fuck don’t get to say this is all in my best interests. It’s selfish, and if you had the balls you would talk to me about how you’re feeling. What you’re doing is running away,” I shout, and watch as Mia flinches at the harshness of my words.

With a small smile on her face, she moves to stand in front of me. Raising her hand, she places it against my cheek, and I resist the urge to flinch. Her hands are cold but it’s the tingles that shoot all throughout my body that shock me. How can someone who makes me feel so alive with just the slightest innocent touch not feel the same?

“I’m going to my room now, Kel. I’ll give you space today because I know you aren’t working and can have Hallie. In the morning, we’ll start as just employees, and I’ll respect the boundaries like we always should have. I’m hopeful that one day we can get back to being friends, but that’s all on you. I don’t regret what happened, Kellan, but it can’t happen again.”

Before I have a chance to reply, Mia turns on her heel and flees from my room. I flop back down onto my bed, head in my hands, and for the first time in a very long time, I let the tears fall. I cry because for the first time in my life, other than when I first met Hallie, I felt sure that I’d love this woman forever, only to have it taken from me. It’s like I was given a small insight into what my perfect life could be like. I was able to touch it, to feel it, for just one evening. Only to have it ripped from me. I imagine some cheesy game show host shouting, “Here’s what you could have won!”

My heart breaks, and I give myself just a few minutes to wallow in the feelings before I get up and go to my little girl. I may not be able to live my perfect life, but I can still be happy with Hallie.

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