Page 54 of Trust In Me

The Doughtys are due in a couple of days, but everyone is under strict instructions to stay away from the house today. Even Kian, who is in the process of moving in with us, is instructing security to be on guard but not visible. Today is the day the social worker appointed by the court is coming to do her visit. She has done two unannounced spot checks, but this is the formal interview process. The court has instructed Bree, Liam, and I to also be there. I’m guessing they just want to make sure the people living with Hallie are not a danger to her.

Kellan is probably the most nervous I’ve ever seen him, and he is pacing so much he is close to wearing a hole in the carpet. He made sure we were all dressed smartly, and we rehearsed possible questions multiple times. I think we have literally prepared for every eventuality, but still Kellan isn’t calm. Liam has tried, but has got nowhere. He pleads at me with his eyes, and as I hand Hallie over to Liam, I stand and walk towards Kellan.

Stopping in front of him, I take his hands in mine and wait for his eyes to meet mine. Once they do, I’m blown away by the emotion I see. He is genuinely terrified that this woman will take his daughter from him. Over my dead fucking body!

“Kel…babe, you have to calm down. We are prepared, but even if we weren't, it doesn’t matter. The minute this woman steps into this house, she will see exactly what she has seen the last two times she has visited. She will see that Hallie couldn't be more loved. She is well looked after, cared for, and is surrounded by her family. We may not be her blood, but we are her family. I genuinely mean it when I say this, you don’t need us. There isn’t a person on this planet who can deny what a fucking amazing father you are. You love Hallie and you put her first, always. All you have to do is let this woman catch just a glimpse of what we see every day, and you will win her over. Like you did me.” I hadn’t meant to add that last part at the end, but it’s true. Kellan is one of those guys that you can’t help but love. Even when he’s being sarcastic or cracking inappropriate jokes, even when he’s so anxious he can barely function, even then they will still love him.

My words seem to be enough to settle Kellan, and he squeezes my hands in his own form of thanks. I don’t let go like I should, instead I thread my fingers through his and clasp his hands tighter, pulling him that little bit closer. It’s like this every time we are together. Our bodies just take over, and they don’t want to be apart.

BUZZ!

The loud shriek of the doorbell has us jumping apart like teenagers who had just been caught doing something we shouldn’t. Kellan walks to the door, and I join Liam and Bree on the sofa. Hallie stays on Liam’s knee and she is quite happy just bouncing up and down on his knee. In fact, she is always perfectly content when Liam has hold of her.

Kellan brings the social worker through and introduces her as Sarah, which is good because I don’t think I’ve ever caught her name during the previous visits. She takes a seat in the armchair opposite as she takes off her coat to greet us. I shuffle over so that Kellan can sit in between Liam and me. I know he will want to hold Hallie’s hand, and I’m not surprised when he grabs it. I am surprised when he discreetly, shielded by our legs, takes hold of my hand before giving it a squeeze. If he needs to pull a bit of courage from me, I don’t blame him.

The interview seems to go on for ages. She asked us all a lot of questions. The hardest for me was when she asked me about my plans for the future. About if I planned to nanny for a new family when I’m qualified and Hallie no longer needs me. I could tell everyone was looking at me, desperate to hear my answer. I know I made promises to Shayla, but I also made promises to Kellan, and right now, he is my priority.

“Obviously there will be a time in the future, when Hallie no longer needs a nanny, and then I will of course take a job with another family. But, my relationship with Hallie is more than just being her nanny. I live with her, I’m friends with her father, and so there won’t ever come a time when she isn’t part of my life and vice versa. No matter what job I’m working, even if one day Hallie and Kellan move out to get their own place, that will never change the bond we share. I love Hallie, and I plan on always being part of her life.”

I meant every word I said, and it was impossible to miss the smile on Kellan’s face. It’s the first time I’ve seen him really smile in a few days, other than when he’s laughing with Hallie. Once the interview is over she informs us that she will be notifying the court of her findings. They will then get in touch to discuss if a court case is needed.

* * *

The date to attend court came around scarily quickly and just two weeks later we were descending on the local court. When I say we, I mean not just Kellan, Liam, me, and Bree, but also Ryleigh, Shane, Finn, Freya, Kina, and even Evan came too. They all wanted to sit in the stands and show their support. So that is exactly what we did. Even Hallie sat on Liam’s knee and behaved through the whole proceedings, which was surprisingly short. The judge entered and once she was settled, her steely eyes fixed firmly on Kellan, before looking over at his mother, and she then began to address the room.

“I have proceeded over a lot of custody cases, but I have to say this one did surprise me. After reading the case put forward by your lawyers, Mrs. Mattherson, I expected a very different person to be standing before me. You presented your son as a criminal delinquent, someone who can barely take care of himself, let alone his child. You stated he was struggling as a single parent and didn’t have either a secure home, or a reliable support network. So, imagine my surprise when the facts of this case turn out to be very different. Mr. Burke’s lawyers have stated that you are in fact the one who abandoned him at just six years old. He was lucky enough to have been adopted into a family that cared for him. If the amount of people here today wasn’t a good enough indicator, the abundance of character references I received certainly were. Mr. Burke very much has a strong and stable support system. As for talk of him being involved in criminal activity, I had instructed the court to do a thorough search, and I can tell you that nobody in Halle’s life is or has ever been involved in criminal activity. I want to make that very clear.” The judge's voice is harsh and all her anger is aimed at Kellan’s mother. I don’t miss the cheeky grin that passes, just for the slightest second, when she mentioned the deep dive the police did. Kellan made sure that none of our pasts, or our present indiscretions, for that matter, were ever found. Of that, I never had any doubt.

The judge takes a few seconds as she fiddles around with the papers in front of her, then she continues, “I have received a full report from children’s social care, and not only have they not identified any areas of concern on any visit, they even went as far as to highlight how happy and healthy Hallie is. Her medical records and the visits she has with the health visitor all show she is in good health, and she is progressing on target with the expected milestones, if not a little advanced in some areas. As for the support system, they noted that she was surrounded by love and support, which I can see in front of my eyes. I did ask them to clarify regarding Mr. Burke’s home life, and they stated that Mr. Burke moved in with his friends to get the help and support he needed to help raise Hallie.”

She pauses for a moment, and I know we’re all waiting for the ball to drop. She has been saying nice thing after nice thing, and I can’t help but worry she is about to add in that ever dreaded ‘but’. She turns her steely gaze to Kellan and speaks directly to him. “Mr. Burke, I want to commend you. It takes a lot to admit when you need help. I have read the statement provided by Hallie’s birth mother, and she goes into a lot of detail about how she left and how alone you were. She never doubted that you would be the perfect parent to raise Hallie. You identified that while you were back in Ireland you were isolated from your support system, so you gave up everything to come to London and to give Hallie a better life. You not only found a great support system, but you managed to build a life here. It may not be the most conventional housing arrangement, but I don’t think that matters. As long as everyone in the house has Hallie’s best interests at heart, I think that is all that matters, and from the statements I’ve seen before me, I more than agree that is the case.”

I can hear Kellan’s loud sigh of relief from where I’m sitting in the row behind him. The judge then turns to face Kellan’s mother. “Let me be very clear about this, Mrs. Mattherson, I personally feel that you have wasted the court's time with these accusations. It is more than clear that your son is a fit parent, and therefore I have no choice but to grant him sole full custody. As Hallie’s legal guardian, he has the right to make decisions on her behalf, and that includes who is part of her life. My best advice to you would be to work with your son, build a relationship again and discuss visiting access. This mediation will be supplied by the courts, as will supervised visits, if needed. However, you could walk away from here today and sort this out as a family without the need for legal intervention. Obviously you have the right to appeal my decision. In which case it will go to a full tribunal, and both sides will be presented in court in front of a panel of judges. But, a bit of personal advice from me, don’t go down that route. If you do, you risk not being able to see your granddaughter at all. Work together as a family and try to fix this, for Hallie’s sake. There’s already one too many people absent in her life, don’t make it more.”

With that, she adjourns the court, and that is it. The decision has been finally made and my heart feels like it’s souring for them. Kellan has tears running down his cheeks as he grabs Hallie out of Liam’s arms and pulls her in for a hug. At first she grumbles, smacking him around the face as she tries to reach for Liam again. Then Kel starts spinning her around and gently throwing her up in the air in celebration, her giggles fill the room.

There’s so much laughter I didn’t see Kellan’s mother walk over to us. Kel hands Hallie back to Liam and tells him we will meet him by the car. Everyone starts to leave, so I turn too, but Kellan grabs hold of my hand. I stay because I know he needs me.

“Maybe the judge was right,” Marianna says, as she tries to avoid meeting Kellan’s gaze. “I would like to be part of Hallie’s life. Maybe we can meet sometime to discuss it?”

Kellan squeezes my hand and I can feel him trying to rein in his anger. After everything this woman has put him through, she has a fucking nerve. “Mother, you have just put us through hell for the last couple of months. Our privacy has been trashed, our entire lives are in upheaval, all because you wanted something you couldn’t have. I’m not saying that you can’t see Hallie, I’m just saying not yet. I need time. Don’t make contact or pressure me. When I feel like I can, I will contact you. Don’t force this, or you will regret it.” It’s not hard to hear the threat in his tone, and she clearly sees it too as she backs away, leaving just Kellan and me, standing there.

“I’m really proud of you, Kel. I knew this would be the outcome, but it was still nice to hear it.”

Kellan places his hand on my cheek and leans in until our foreheads are touching. My heart races and I can feel shivers rippling down my back. “I hope you meant it when you said you would stay with us forever.” As soon as he finished speaking, he places the softest, sweetest of kisses onto my lips. I want to pull him into me, I want to take more, but I know I can’t. This moment is just for him.

As we pull away and are making our way to the car, my phone vibrates. When I pull it out, I recognise the number instantly. She has only made contact a couple of times, but it’s enough that I won’t ever forget her.

Shayla: I’m glad Kellan got the outcome he was looking for, but you need to remember our deal. Stay the fuck away, or you will regret it. Don’t test me!

Fuck! Did she have a spy here at the hearing? Did they just see Kellan and I kiss? Fuck, I need to be more careful. If not, this celebration will mean nothing and he could lose Hallie for good. I’m not worth that. His daughter will always come first.

The few days leading up to Christmas pass by in a blur. It’s always like that when the Doughtys are in town, and this time it’s all the siblings that are staying with us. Plus, that annoying prick Kian has also moved in. Even though he is living a floor above me and Mia, it’s still a shift in the balance that we were used to. And even though we only got a couple of days with him living here before the siblings descended, we barely noticed he had moved in. I expected him to be a pain to live with, but he works out in the gym a lot, but otherwise he’s working most of the time. I think the longer he lives with us, he may eventually get closer to us, but at the moment his dumb ass is sulking because Bree forced him to move in.

Hallie, although I’m pretty sure she has no fucking clue what is going on, you can definitely tell she’s getting more interested. Everyone is excited for her, and they keep talking to her about Father Christmas, asking what she wants for Christmas. Like all of a sudden she is going to stand up, walk over to us, and hand her shopping list for Father Christmas. Instead, she gurgles what I am convinced sounds like “Dada,” and she giggles a lot. She’s attracted to the lights on the tree, and if you take your eyes off her for a few minutes, she will crawl over to the tree and begin pulling the baubles off. Typically, she then either throws them at us, or tries to eat them. I am dreading the day when she can walk. I think we are all going to need eyes in the back of our heads to stop her from destroying everything.

Christmas Eve night, we all sit around the living room, and engage in what has been a long-running Doughty tradition for as long as I can remember. Siobhan usually does all of the cooking on Christmas morning, and starts to prepare it the night before. So, because the kitchen is usually deep in the prepping phase, we order pizza to be delivered. This is a tradition that all the Doughtys appear to have continued. When Bree announced that she wanted to cook Christmas dinner this year, with the help of Mia, the only stipulation Liam and I had is that our pizza Christmas Eve dinner must be honoured.

As we all pass the pizza around, laughing and joking amongst each other, I take a moment to appreciate what I have in my life. When I realised I was going to have to raise Hallie by myself, I thought it would be such a lonely experience, but my beautiful baby girl has me anything but lonely. She has brought my family back to me, and I can’t thank her enough for that.

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