Page 55 of Trust In Me

With a pizza slice in one hand, while I’m rocking Hallie to sleep in the crook of my other arm, I realise I’m fighting a losing battle. My girl's big blue eyes are wide open as she giggles along with everyone else. She’s a nosey baby and I know she doesn’t want to miss anything. I know I’m going to have to take her up to my room soon because there’s no way I will get her to sleep in this room. The only problem is, I’m still not comfortable with Hallie sleeping in a different room to me. I have just about got used to her being with Bree and Liam, or Mia. And, even though her room is completely set up, I can’t move her into it just yet. I promised Liam and Mia that I would try it in the new year, and I fully intend to do this, it just scares the shit out of me. I could leave her in my room, with the baby monitor on as it is all set up, and that way she will get some sleep and I don’t have to leave the gathering. But, I still can’t bring myself to do it.

As I’m pacing up and down, rocking Hallie in the futile hope of getting her just a little sleepy, the doorbell rings. Looking around, we all have the same confused look on our faces over who the hell it could be. Everyone we know that would call on Christmas Eve night, they’re all already sat in this room. Since I’m standing already and nearest the door, I say I will get it. I quickly hand Hallie to the person nearest me, who happens to be Kian, and he holds her like I’ve just handed him a live explosive. He’s never had much experience with children before, and surprisingly, despite Kian struggling with how to be around Hallie, she has taken to him. She loves to play with him, and in the morning he is her favourite target for when she’s throwing her breakfast around. This is how we discovered Kian is not bright and friendly all the time. The guy is essentially a monster until he’s had his morning coffee, and Hallie has got a fantastic ability of hounding him while he is trying to make that first cup. I loved my girl even more after that.

Rushing to the door as the doorbell rings again, I mumble about the person on the other side being an impatient asshole, as I rush to answer. Throwing the door open, I’m shocked to see Desmond Doughty standing on the doorstep. I stand there, just staring at him, like I can’t quite believe that he’s here, which would be accurate.

“Merry Christmas, son. Are you going to invite me in, or wait until my balls freeze and drop off?” Desmond asks, as he basically pushes his way into the house. He doesn’t wait for me to say anything before he starts to make his way into the living room.

The once lively room descends into silence when they see Desmond enter the room. As I follow in behind him, I see that all of the Doughty children are looking at each other, shock written across their faces. They all seem to be looking at each other, wondering which sibling will be the first to speak. Thankfully, Bree steps in, as we may have been sitting in silence for a while waiting for one of the siblings to speak.

“Merry Christmas, Desmond. We weren’t expecting you, what are you doing here?” she asks, trying to make the question sound more inquisitive as opposed to confused and accusatory, which I think it really is. We all want to know what the hell he’s doing here.

“Well…as soon as I found out all my children would be here for Christmas, Von and I decided to come over and spend the day with our children, if you don’t mind having us. It’s been far too long since we all sat down as a family, and after the lovely time we all had at the wedding, I want to make a conscious effort to be part of this family a bit more.” Desmond sounds like he genuinely means what he says, and I don’t miss the way we all look at each other, unsure whether we should believe him or not.

Liam doesn’t look happy, and instead scowls at Des. “You can’t just invite yourself over the night before Christmas. You have to wait for an invite,” Liam grinds out through gritted teeth, and I can tell he is only just managing to keep his shit together.

While Des appears to be making progress with his other children, and even with Bree too, Liam is going to be a much harder nut to crack. Liam has been fighting against his father for as long as I can remember, and it’s hard for him to believe he is no longer a threat. I’ve done a lot of research, and he is still very much under my watchful eye, but I can’t deny that since meeting Bree, he has only ever shown loyalty towards this family. I’m not saying I believe he is no longer a threat, but for the moment, he appears to be on our side.

“Well, son, if I waited around for an invite from you, that beautiful little girl will be a teenager,” he says, pointing towards Hallie who is now cradled in Mia’s arm. My heart skips a beat, the same way it always does when I see Mia with my girl.

“Maybe that is the point,” Liam mumbles, but Bree smacks him on the arm, chastising his behaviour.

“We didn’t know you were in London. But since you are, of course you will be welcome to join us for dinner. We will be eating around two, but you are welcome to come around any time after twelve midday.” Bree gives Des a small smile and it’s met by a groan from Liam. I can see both Ryleigh and Freya don’t exactly look thrilled he will be in attendance either, so I decide to set out some ground rules.

“Listen, Desmond. You can come for dinner but I want to make it very fucking clear that this is my daughter’s first Christmas, and nobody will be ruining that. There will be no drama, no arguing, and if you even think about bringing a weapon into this house, I will kick your ass out myself. Do you understand me?”

Desmond nods his head while I’m stating my expectations. “Son, believe it or not, I have no interest in ruining that little girl's first Christmas. When we adopted you years ago, in my eyes you became a Doughty, which means that little girl is my only grandchild. I know I’ve never been the greatest parent, and I’m not going to apologise because you can’t change the past. I can, however, make an effort for the future.” Desmond’s voice sounds the most sincere I’ve ever heard, and I’m sure I look like a stunned goldfish, my mouth flopping open and closed as I struggle to find the words.

Desmond has never talked about adopting me, ever. Nor has he ever specifically stated that he sees me as his son. He calls me it, but I saw it as more of a nickname than a factual account. Desmond isn’t exactly a role model parent, and I’m sure there aren’t many people who would be thrilled to have Des call them his son, and honestly, I’m not sure how I feel. I’ve never had a family, so hearing him say this makes me feel strange. I’ve always felt like a Doughty, and the siblings have always made me feel part of it, but this just cements it.

Everyone is waiting for me to respond, but I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m speechless, and having all eyes on me, expecting a reply, while I attempt to make sense of what he just said, I feel like a zoo exhibit. They’re all watching to see how I react. Thankfully, Mia realises that I’m starting to panic at the thought of everyone watching for my reaction, and she speaks, dragging the attention to her.

“Well, this little one is starting to get sleepy, so I think it might be a good idea if we get her put to bed. If not, she will be Little Miss Cranky Pants tomorrow, and we don’t want that,” Mia jokes as she walks towards me, Hallie very much awake in her arms. I literally could kiss her right now, and when Bree jumps onto her comment, I feel so incredibly cared for in that moment. Two people, who haven't known me for very long, they both now know me well enough to know when I need help, and they know just how to give me it too.

“I think that’s a good idea. We can all part ways and spend the rest of the evening doing whatever you had planned. Then we can meet back here in the morning. I think it’s going to be a quiet morning, so, Desmond, you are welcome to come back any time after twelve. That’s when Gramps is coming too,” Bree adds, as she stands up gesturing towards the door. It couldn’t be any clearer that she is kicking him out, but she manages to do it in such a polite way.

I see the moment of panic in the Doughty kids' eyes, as they all waited for Desmond to kick off. We have all seen it happen so many times before. If he thinks he is being offended, or he just doesn’t like their tone, he can flip out at the drop of a hat. So everyone is in complete amazement when Desmond simply smiles and walks towards Bree. He stops in front of Mia, and leans down to place a kiss on Hallie’s forehead. She giggles, which surprises us all. She doesn’t always get along with new people. As she tries to get hold of Desmond’s hair, he takes hold of her hand, kisses it and chuckles. “I will see you in the morning, pretty girl. Grandpa has lots of presents for you,” he coos, and I see Liam’s eyes widen in shock.

What the fuck? Have we entered some kind of fucking parallel universe? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy, and I sure as fuck have never heard him using baby talk and cooing before. We all look equally as stunned as Bree leads him out the door. Once the door is closed, and we are sure he has gone, Ryleigh is the first to break the silence. “Does everyone else feel like they just entered a parallel universe where Dad is a normal human being who likes everyone?” Her voice becomes high-pitched, and almost like we all have one voice, we all agree that what we just witnessed was batshit fucking crazy.

“Well, I am definitely going to take my girl to bed and probably have nightmares over how jolly he was,” I say, but I make no effort to take Hallie out of Mia’s arms. Mia is already heading towards the stairs, and I’m more than happy to follow.

We shout good night to everyone as they continue discussing the possibility Desmond has been possessed by pod people. Once we get up the stairs, their laughter starts to become less noisy. When Paddy bought this house, before he gave it to Bree and Liam, he made sure all the rooms were soundproofed. He also got planning permission and designed the house so it could be expanded on. It can have another two floors added onto it, and if more Doughty siblings keep moving in, we may well need to start building. Liam and Bree always make it clear that the second floor, on the right side, is all just for me and Mia. There’s a room for each of us, and a room for Hallie—if I ever can pluck up the courage to put her in it—then we also have a lounging area that we rarely use, and I have my office. It’s like our own little flat, and Liam has offered on a couple of occasions to build a wall, essentially making our space into its own area, but I don’t want them to do that. This is our home for now, but it won’t be forever. Eventually, Liam and Bree will have a family of their own, and when that happens they won’t want people living with them. Hallie and I will have to find a place of our own when that happens. Thankfully, that’s not anytime soon.

As we reach my bedroom door, Mia pushes it open and walks in, not even hesitating. I know things have been awkward between us lately, but when it comes to Hallie’s routine, this is one area we are doing well in.

Mia lays Hallie on the bed and begins undressing her, to get her ready for bed, while I gather the cute little Christmas onesie we bought her to sleep in. I offer to take over to change her nappy, but Mia shoos me away, and instead I make sure Hallie’s crib is all set up. Most importantly, I make sure her stuffed penguin is in there, the one Liam got her. She won’t sleep without the damn thing. Hence, why I have a drawer with three exact replicas in it. As soon as I realised this was the key to helping her get to sleep, Mia told me to buy spares, but I was adamant she wouldn’t lose it, and that if we gave her a replacement, she would know. I learnt the hard way. Of course Hallie lost it, and we got absolutely no sleep that night, until Mia went out first thing and bought a replacement. Hallie had no idea it wasn’t her original teddy, and I learnt my lesson. I went out that afternoon and bought five. We have since lost another, but I panic a whole lot less about it now.

Once Hallie is in her cute baby onesie, and we have taken a few photos, including a gorgeous selfie with us all in, I begin the night-time routine of getting Hallie to sleep. I start rocking her, walking up and down the room while singing to her gently. This is normally when Mia leaves, but tonight she doesn’t. Instead she sits on the end of the bed, a cute as hell smile on her face as she watches us.

It's not long before Hallie falls asleep and I lay her in her crib. Thankfully she stays asleep, and I know we should get a couple of hours before she wakes up again. She has started to settle a little more with her sleep recently. Turning to Mia, I give her a small smile, but I don’t really know what to say to her. I’m curious as to why she is still here, normally she avoids any alone time with me. But, I don’t want to say anything in case I scare her away.

Averting her eyes to look at the floor, when she speaks, her voice is barely above a whisper. “I know I have no right to ask you this, and the last thing I want to do is mess with your feelings. So, when I ask you this, please take it as a friend asking. Please can I stay with you tonight? I would love it if I could be here when Hallie wakes up for her first Christmas. But I also don’t want to be alone.”

My heart breaks for her, and I know what she means about it being confusing. There’s no way in hell we can spend the night together and it doesn't mean anything. I know I should say no, but I can't. The truth is, I want her here. Fuck, I always want her here. I want her to be part of Hallie’s first Christmas. But more than that, I want her in my bed, in my arms. Maybe it will be okay if we pretend for just one night?

“Of course you can stay. Would you like to watch a movie together?” I ask, and the smile that crosses her face is blinding. Fuck, there goes my dick getting excited. It isn’t possible for me to be around her and to not get turned on.

“I would love that. I’m just going to go and get changed, if that’s okay?” Mia jumps up and heads towards the door. Just as she is about to leave, I whisper-shout enough to get her attention, but quiet enough that I don’t wake Hallie.

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