Page 58 of Trust In Me

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Christmas morning passes by so quickly, and I try to treasure every moment. Hallie wakes us up again around half past six in the morning, and even though she has no real idea of what is going on, we make a big deal of telling her that Father Christmas has been. We show her the plate that we left out the night before, and she is in awe of the half-eaten carrot that we tell her Rudolf must have eaten. But she is even more taken with the stocking Father Christmas left on the end of her crib.

All her main presents are downstairs under the tree, but I wanted her to have some things that she opened with just Mia and me. With each present she opens, her laughter becomes more infectious. Wrapping paper was thrown everywhere, and on more than one occasion we have to stop her from putting it in her mouth. I think I would even go as far as to say she enjoyed playing with the wrapping paper more than actually opening the presents. But as long as she is laughing, I don’t care how or what brought it on.

Mia heads next door to get ready, and comes back wearing the cutest Mrs. Claus dress. It stops just above her knees, and there’s no doubt that she’s the sexiest Mrs. Claus ever. I dress in my dark jeans and a Christmas t-shirt with Peppa Pig and her dad both wearing Christmas hats. It says ‘Merry Christmas, Daddy Pig, love from your little monster’. Mia bought it for me from Hallie, and despite the fact that I’d rather shoot myself in the head than watch another episode ofPeppafuckingPig, Hallie loves it, and so of course I wear it for her.

As Mia goes to grab Hallie so we can go downstairs for breakfast, I hold my arm out to stop her. Grabbing hold of her wrist gently, I pull her until she is just inches away from me, her breath hitching as she waits in anticipation for what I’m going to say. “I know we said no presents, but I couldn’t get you nothing. I don’t want you to open this in front of everyone. I bought it a few months ago, and I didn’t want to return it. It’s yours, so I’m giving it to you anyway. If you want to open it later by yourself, then you can. It’s up to you,” I mumble, word vomit dripping out of my mouth as I struggle to find the words to explain my gift. I bought this when I realised I loved her, and this was supposed to be my way of telling her.

Handing over the small rectangular box that’s wrapped in Christmas paper, with Father Christmases all over it, Mia’s eyes widen as she takes in the shape of the gift. Fuck, does she think this is an engagement ring? I fucking hope not. Even I wouldn’t be stupid enough to propose like this. When I propose to her, it’ll be romantic, and there won’t be any question over her answer. I will already know she’ll say yes. Can you tell I’ve put a lot of fucking thought into the idea of proposing?

Mia takes the box from me and slowly starts to open it, revealing a velvet black box. I hear a release of breath as she sees the shape of the box definitely isn’t a ring. She snaps it open to reveal a delicate white gold necklace, with a pendant in the middle. There are two hearts intertwined and in the middle, where the hearts crossover is a beautiful diamond.

She doesn’t say anything for the longest time, she just stares at the necklace, her finger lightly tracing along the shapes of the hearts. She seems lost in the moment, and it’s not until she finally looks up at me do I see the unshed tears that are glistening in her eyes.

Fuck, I don’t want to make her cry. That was never my intention. I’m about to apologise, to tell her I will take it back, when she finally speaks, but it’s barely above a whisper. “It’s beautiful. Thank you. Can you put it on for me?”

She holds the box out for me, and with fumbling hands, I do my best to secure the chain around her neck. It sits perfectly just below her neck, and almost without thinking she reaches up to touch the pendant.

“It suits you,” I say with a smile, pleased she’s agreed to wear it.

“I can’t even find the right words to say how much I love it. Thank you, Kellan,” she says, as she stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips against mine. It's a soft, gentle yet passionate kiss, and I think it tells me everything she isn’t capable of saying. I take this moment and commit it to memory. This is the moment I realised we do stand a chance. We both love each other, that much is obvious. When I start the new year, I’m going to make it my business to find out exactly why Mia has decided we can’t be a couple. I know she’s hiding something from me, and I’ve given her plenty of opportunity to talk to me about it. I've sat back, waiting and hoping for the time to come where she realises she can trust me and we can sort this shit out. Now I’m done waiting. I’m going to fight for my girl, even if it means invading the privacy she is so desperate to maintain. I have to know I’ve done everything, that I’ve fought for her in the best way I can.

* * *

Christmas dinner is the loud, rowdy affair that we expected it to be and everyone had a lot of fun. Even Desmond was surprisingly jovial, and engaged in lots of fun, jokes, and laughter as we all enjoyed each other's company. Hallie was passed around the group and showered with gifts. I think after a while it became a lot for her to handle and she started to get a bit grumpy. I managed to get her to have a short nap while we all had our Christmas dinner. Bree and Mia did an absolutely fantastic job of cooking, and I have to confess I was a little surprised. They cook at home, but nothing to this magnitude, with this many people. Yet they coped with it brilliantly, and the food was amazing.

We all sit around the table, too stuffed to move, just chatting in our little groups about anything and everything, when my little monster wakes from her nap. I go to grab her from the crib while Mia goes into the kitchen to grab the small plate of food she prepared for her earlier. We left it in the oven to keep it warm. It’s only some mashed potato, mushed-up carrots, and some gravy, but Hallie will love it. I sit with Hallie on my knee, and of course because I’m sat next to Liam, her instinct is to reach out, demanding he hold her. I tell her no, that she has to have her dinner first, and she grumbles for a bit, but doesn’t say anything.

Mia returns to the dinner table, but she doesn’t hand over the dish yet, saying it needs to cool down a bit first. She instead hands Hallie a bottle of juice, which she grabs with both hands and starts to drink from. Every time I look at her, she seems to have grown that little bit more and it’s fucking terrifying.

I hear Bree and Liam beside me start mumbling to each other, obviously trying to have a conversation they don’t want everyone to hear, so naturally I’m intrigued. Thankfully, I don’t have to pester Liam into telling me, as a big smile spreads across Bree’s face and Liam clears his voice loud enough to get everyone’s attention. Liam hates speeches almost as much as I do. The cocky bastard must have something good to say, given his cocky grin, and the room descends into silence, with the exception of Hallie who is cooing away to herself about nothing in particular.

Liam holds his hand out and Bree takes hold of it, giving it a squeeze before Liam begins to speak. “So, we have something exciting that we would like to share with you all. It’s still early days, but you are our family and we don’t want to keep this a secret from you. We want you to share the happiness we are feeling right now. We are going to have a baby.”

As soon as the words leave his lips, the room erupts into applause and cheers. Everyone gets up from their seats and rushes towards the couple, desperate to hug them and congratulate them. I can’t move given the baby on my lap, but that doesn’t stop me reaching for my best friend's hand. We do this weird man-style hand shake that soon begins to look like we are holding hands, so we drop that pretty quickly, but I reach to pat him on the back instead, trying to make this less fucking awkward.

“I’m so fucking happy for you, bro. You are going to make a great dad. After all, you are the one who taught me how to do it.” Both our eyes drift to Hallie, who giggles as she does whenever Liam pays her any kind of attention.

He kneels down so he is level with Hallie and he takes hold of one of her hands in his. “What do you say, Hallie Bear? Are you looking forward to having a little cousin to play with?” Liam asks, and she giggles like she understands exactly what he’s saying, which earns a round of laughter from everyone watching the interaction. Liam then has no choice but to take hold of her, as she has already latched on tightly to his t-shirt, making it very clear she wants to cuddle him. Something he is only too happy to oblige with.

Once Liam takes Hallie, I get up and move towards Bree. She and Mia are hugging and whispering to each other. I see tears in both their eyes as they pull away, so I stay back to give them their moment. Until Bree notices me nearby and gestures for me to come closer.

Holding her arms wide for me, I pull her into a big hug. “Congratulations, Bree. I’m so happy for you both. You’ll make excellent parents.” I try to ignore the very obvious lump in my throat as Bree holds on to me tightly.

Whispering in my ear, her words shock me, but I understand them. “I’m so fucking terrified. I have no idea what I’m doing. Will you help us?” I can’t help but smile. I went through the exact same thing when I found out I was going to be a dad. I had no idea what the hell to do with a baby, and even after she was born, I felt like I was winging it the vast majority of the time. But Liam and Bree were here to help me, so I’ll be here for them and their beautiful baby. This house is about to get a whole lot crazier.

* * *

The days after Christmas are thankfully a lot quieter. I get to spend a lot of time by myself, everyone wants to spend some time babysitting Hallie, which means I get lots of opportunities to catch up on my sleep, and to spend some time with Mia.

Ever since Christmas Eve night, our relationship changed again. Things haven’t turned sexual since, but we’re back to being friends. We spend a lot of time hanging out together, watching movies, or just chatting, like we used to before we acted on our feelings. Mia made it clear this is all we can be, but she hasn’t gone back to being distant. She sleeps in my bed, we fall asleep in each other's arms, and we hug each other a lot. That’s as far as things have gone, but if that’s all she can give, for now, then I will take it.

The day before New Year's Eve, Bree and Liam have taken Hallie to the park, and everyone else has plans. I decide to catch up on some much-needed sleep, since Mia’s treating herself to a shopping trip. I see her off before going to bed. She only plans on being gone an hour or two to buy a new dress for the party we are having at the house tomorrow.

“I’ll probably be back home before you’ve even woken up,” she says, as she gathers her bag to head out of the house.

“Well, if that’s the case, then you really should come and join me in bed when you get home.” I know she can hear the flirty suggestion in my voice, and she rolls her eyes at me. She’s gotten used to me flirting with her again, but she never reciprocates. If her smile is anything to go by, she likes the attention.

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