Page 9 of Trust In Me

Hallie starts to grumble, drawing my attention away from her dad. She spits the bottle out, and I hand it over to Kellan, who already has his arm outstretched to get it. I lay Hallie over my shoulder and stroke her back, trying to wind her for a bit, while I stare at the beautiful, broken boy in front of me. Maybe this is why I get on with him so well, why our souls seem to connect. We both recognise brokenness when we see it. Our broken souls speak to each other.

“Okay, I have so much to say about that, but right now we need to order that damn pizza because I can hear my belly rumbling and it’s not a good look.”

Kellan’s smile brightens and this time when it reaches his bright blue eyes, my stomach does a little somersault. I don’t know why I want to make him happy, but I really do.

“How about we both say what type of pizza we usually order, and then we can work out how to combine it, or get a half and half pizza. So, I usually order ham and chicken with extra cheese. I’m a big fan of extra cheese,” he laughs and I can’t help but agree with him.

“Everything's better with extra cheese. I usually go with BBQ chicken, which is a BBQ sauce base with chicken, mushroom, and red onions. But I’m definitely a fan of ham, so we can go with your order.”

Before Kellan gets the chance to reply, Hallie lets out the biggest belch I’ve ever heard, followed closely by a giggle. As I pull her away from my shoulder, I’m glad I put the muslin cloth there, as that small amount of baby vomit would now be dripping down my back. I put her on my knee, and her little face crinkles. Her big blue eyes, that look so much like her daddy’s, are wide open, and as her mouth opens in a yawn, I notice her eyes are starting to sag. She looks so peaceful, but determined to fight the sleep. So I curl her up into my arms and start to rock her.

“Are you okay with her?” Kellan whispers, knowing this is the crucial time when you don’t want to alert her in any way. If she sees people and things going on around her, she will fight more to stay awake. As it is, her little eyelids keep fluttering closed, and it’s clear she can’t fight it for much longer.

“I’m fine, you order.”

“I like the BBQ base idea, but the vegetables I just can’t get on board with. So we will do chicken and ham, and if they will let us, I will get mushrooms and onions on your side. I will also get us a cheesy garlic bread pizza. Want to share a double chocolate cookie dough for dessert?” I’m sure I’m physically drooling. Not just at the food either, this guy is almost too perfect. I agree and he starts typing on his phone, while I continue to rock Hallie until her eyes eventually flutter closed.

“Where do you want her? Upstairs in the cot?” I ask, and Kellan’s face whitens, like all the blood has drained from him.

I look down at the perfect sleeping baby, expecting to see that I’ve done something wrong, or missed something, but I can’t see anything.

“I know this is going to sound crazy, but I can’t let her sleep in a different room just yet. So, normally I would put her to sleep in the Moses basket down here, and then when I’m ready for bed, move her to the cot I have attached to the side of my bed. I know she should be in her own cot in her room. Hell, it took me and Liam so fucking long to build it, she should be sleeping in it for that reason alone, but I can’t.” His voice breaks.

I lay Hallie down in the Moses basket that lives here by the sofa, and put her little blanket lightly over her body and smile as she coos. Once I’m sure she’s settled, I turn to address Kellan, who walks to the other side of the cot and mumbles his goodnights to his daughter. It’s so fucking cute, I literally have to turn my eyes or risk losing an ovary. I mean, this guy sets my body on fire under normal circumstances, but this is so much more.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, with wanting to be close to watch over her. She’s lucky to have a dad as great as you. I know you think having Hallie means you bring a lot of baggage into any potential relationship, and I’m not going to lie to you, for some people that will be true. But, believe me when I say this, we all have issues and baggage. The main thing is finding a girl who doesn’t see Hallie as baggage, and who learns to love her as much as she loves you. Never settle for anyone who doesn’t put that beautiful little girl first. Okay?” I exclaim as I flop back down onto the sofa, after getting Hallie settled, while Kellan heads towards the kitchen.

“Thanks, I need to remember that! Beer or Diet Coke?” he asks, holding one of each up to help me decide. I opt for the beer. I don’t often drink. Well…I don’t often drink anymore. When I first found my freedom, I partied a lot. Bree was by my side for a lot of it, but she was also battling her own family crap, so there were times I partied without her. Those were usually the nights I made the most stupid decisions.

Kellan flops down right beside me, ignoring the entire side of the sofa I left him, and he’s sitting so close I can feel his body against mine. He seems to take a deep breath, like he’s worried about saying something, or like he’s plucking up the courage. I hold my breath in anticipation, and as he starts to speak, I slowly start to breathe again. “I can’t tell you the whole story, only Liam knows it all, but I will tell you some. The pregnancy with Hallie was filled with so much turbulence, I can’t even begin to explain it. We were together for a while, then she had to go back to her family due to a family commitment, and when she returned, that’s when she told me she was pregnant. But, I wasn’t the only guy in the running for being the dad. When the test came back to say Hallie was mine, we moved ahead quickly. I had never been in a relationship before, and I knew absolutely nothing about being in love. All I knew was that I felt more for her than I ever had before, and I mistook that for love. She moved in, and we became the proper, ideal couple, getting ready to raise a baby together. Then the day Hallie was born, it was the best and worst day of my life, all in one go.”

Giving me a sad smile that makes my heart break, I want to speak, he’s giving me the option to, but I know there’s more. So I wait. I take a long swig from my beer bottle and then point the bottle neck towards him, indicating he should carry on talking, the ghost of a smile getting a tiny bit brighter as he does.

“The moment I held Hallie, I realised I knew what love was. I mean, I’m sure it feels slightly different when there’s a romantic connection, but I knew the love I felt for Hallie in no way matched what I felt for Shayla. To me, that didn’t matter, I was still all in. I wanted us to be a family. We had a house, a nursery, a trust fund set up. I had spent eight months preparing to be the perfect parent that I never had. And all that went to shit when Hallie was just five hours old. Shayla left the hospital, leaving behind a letter and a stack of legal documents. She signed all her parental rights away, stating I’m Hallie’s only parent now by law. Then, as an added bonus, she sold my dream house that I had made into the perfect house for Hallie. She stole all my assets, and all my money. The only thing she left me with is that little girl, a stack of legal papers, and a half-assed apology.” Kellan gets more angry the more he talks, and I don’t fucking blame him. Obviously I know Shayla is no longer in Kellan’s and Hallie’s lives, but I had no idea things had gone down like that.

I don’t have a violent side, never had, but the overwhelming urge to punch Shayla should I ever meet her is so strong. Normally, I accept that there are two sides to every story, and try to play devil’s advocate. I’ve spent most of my life presenting an image to the world that in no way represents my life behind closed doors, and I know people have secrets. Maybe Shayla has a good reason for what she did, but my brain can’t come up with one right now. In fact, I’m shaking my head in disbelief, causing Kellan to ask me what’s wrong.

“I just can’t believe she would do that. I know everyone has secrets and I want to believe she had a really good reason, but it doesn’t really matter if she has the best excuse in the world, what she did is still unforgivable. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but you are capable of loving again. I promise you, one day a girl will come along that will blow you out of the water,” I say, very fucking hopeful that one day that’s me.

That cheeky chappie smile I like so much is back. He starts to talk, but the ringing doorbell interrupts him. He goes to the door to collect the pizza, and I pull my phone out to see what’s going on. I can feel it vibrating incessantly in my pocket. But it shouldn’t be. Only a few people have this number and they are either on a date or sat with me. There are a few texts and calls from an unknown number.

Unknown: Mia, you can’t run away forever. I know you are mad at me, but we need to talk. You have family obligations that you committed to. Do not let your mother down. I have given you this time, but you have almost graduated, which means your time is up. Get in contact with us. Now!

Unknown: Mia, so help me God, if I have to track you down and drag you back by your hair, I will.

Unknown: Did you really think changing your last name would be enough for me to leave you alone? Of course I know where you are, with that O’Keenan bitch. I know who she is, and I know you are getting involved in stuff you have no business being involved in. So, get your ass back home and I won't hurt each and every person in that house. Last chance, Mia!

Unknown: I swear, Mia. I will get what is rightfully mine. You don’t get to walk away from familial obligation. You are engaged and it’s expected you should return to him. You dishonoured me by not texting me back or picking up any of my calls. So I have shared your location with him. Maybe now you will think twice before rejecting my polite messages and calls. If you had, I would have allowed you the rest of the time I promised you. Since you didn’t, time is up!

Kyle: Hey, Little Bunny. Keep hopping and bopping as much as you like, but the rabbit always gets caught in the end. I have my traps, and you are in my sight. If you don’t come home willingly, Little Bunny, then I sure as fuck will drag you home. Not to mention, I will burn down the house you currently call home, with all the people inside. You are supposed to be my wife, Little Bunny, and that isn’t changing anytime soon. Time is up. Run, run, Little Bunny, as fast as you can. You can run, you can hide, but I’m coming for you, and I always win.

Fuck! This is not good. I start to panic, looking around the room, frantically trying to think of what to do next. I always knew changing my name was never enough, but I wasn’t prepared to disappear completely. I had just been accepted to university, I had a life all planned out, and I couldn’t leave Bree. So, I changed my last name, and I even dyed my hair blonde for a bit, before going back to my natural brunette colour. I hoped it would be enough. I should have known it wouldn’t be. I should have known he would find me.

Kellan walks back, carrying the pizzas with a bright smile on his face, and all that does is cause me to hyperventilate further. My heart feels as though it’s going to beat right out of my chest and my palms are so sweaty. Pain radiates through my body as each breath I take burns. I can hear Kellan talking, but it feels as though I have cotton wool stuck in my ears, and I can’t quite hear what he’s saying.

His cold yet soft hands cup my cheeks, and the sensation of his skin against mine is at least enough to bring back my attention, and I can finally hear what he’s saying. “Hey, Flower. You need to breathe, okay. Mia, just listen to my voice and do exactly as I tell you. We are going to breathe together,” he states, his beautiful, crystal blue eyes honing into mine.

I follow each and every instruction he gives until I’m back to breathing normally. Kellan doesn’t move, he just lets me sit there, with his thumbs gently stroking across my cheeks until I calm down. He’s not looking at me like I’m a crazy person who just had a panic attack for no apparent reason. Instead, he looks concerned, like he really wants to help me but he just doesn’t know how. If only he knew that just him being here, giving me space whilst holding me tight is exactly what I need.

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