Page 144 of Feels Like Home

I look pointedly down at his crotch, and heguffaws.

“Oh, yes. Blame him. Makessense.”

“I thought so. If it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t be he…aggghhh!”

“Breathe, baby, breathe. You got this.” Andy is by my side in a flash, crooning words of encouragement into myear.

“She’s trying to kill me, Andy. I know it. There’s no other explanation. Bri was never this mean,” I scream/grunt/groan through another contraction as I squeeze Andy’shand.

“So, now you think it’s a girl?” he teases, trying to lighten themood.

“Oh, please,” I grumble,annoyed.

“You’re the strongest woman I know, sweetheart. And I’m so proud of you. You’re doing soamazing.”

“Whatever. Tomorrow we’re going to force a watermelon out of your pee hole and see how it works out foryou.”

“Gee, I think I’ll pass, but thank you for the sweetoffer.”

I relax between contractions, wishing like hell I had come in earlier and not tried to be tough and labor at home for solong.

“Andy. I think I need a do over on today. And don’t you dare say I told you so, but I think you may be right — I should have come to the hospital earlier. This no drugs thing isbullshit.”

“There’s literally nothing in the world you could threaten me with that would get me to admit I wasright.”

“Why did you let me stay home for solong?”

“I’m not answering thateither.”

“Aghhhh! Andy!” I pull him close as another contractionhits.

I may have underestimated how quickly I would move through labor. I mean, it was nineteen years ago the last time I went through this.Nineteen!I figured my body wouldn’t be jumping back on the labor bandwagon. Not to mention that I’m old as thehills.

I stayed at home, minding my own business, fighting through the pain of each contraction, not really paying attention to how quickly they were coming. My water hadn’t even broken yet! No worries. Andy, the caged animal that he was, pacing around the house, finally stepped in, demanding I let him bring me to thehospital.

Once we were settled in the pickup, I called to let them know I was coming, and they asked me how far apart the contractions were, to which I moaned, considering a contraction hit at just thatmoment.

“Okay, is there any chance your husband can maybe get you here a little… quicker?” the kind nurseasked.

“Uhhhh,” I groaned, looking over at Andy. He was sweating, breathing heavily, and leaning over the steering wheel cursing like a mad man at anyone who got in hisway.

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” I assured the nurse, who then told me they’d have someone waiting for me by the ER to escort me back toOB.

“Oh, that’s not necess…aggghhhh!”

“Let’s just pretend that you need him to make him feel useful, shallwe?”

“Yeah, okay. Maybe that’sgood.”

“Let’s also maybe have your husband step on it? Unless he’s in the mood to deliver your baby in thecar?”

She was clearly not the most reassuring person to have on the other end of the line while I was freaking out and trying to keep Andycalm.

We came sliding into the ER parking lot, Andy slamming the pickup into park before it fully came to a stop, causing it to rock back and forth. He ran around to my side, opened the door, and helped meout.

When we got to the ER entrance, there was an orderly waiting for us with a wheelchair.

“Mrs.Simpson?”

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