Page 40 of Feels Like Home

I lean over the counter toward her when I can tell my words aren’t getting through to her. Or maybe they are, and she truly is that selfish and doesn’t give a damn. Either way, I’m done. So done. I take a deep breath through my nose and try to steady my racing heart and the heat that’s coursing through myveins.

“You want theboys?”

“You know I do,” I grindout.

“Then you’ll give me thecabin.”

“Why? It doesn’t mean shit to you. You never wanted to gothere.”

“Aww, Andy. You knowwhy.”

“Explain it tome.”

“What are you going to do for vacation without your precious cabin? You never wanted to go anywhere else. It was always there. No matter that I begged for you to take me places like Mexico orHawaii.”

“Places we couldn’t afford,” Iadd.

“Oh please. You could’ve found the money,” shescoffs.

“What the hell did I ever do to you? You should be thanking me, getting rid of the ‘baggage,’ as you calledthem.”

“They’re my sons, Andy. They’re not baggage,” she says in the fakest voice I’ve ever heard with her hand on herheart.

“You walked away. What do youcare?”

“If you want them so badly, why are you hanging on to thecabin?”

“Because it’s means something to me, you bitch!” Iroar.

I take a steadyingbreath.

“Make a choice, Andy. Your boys or the cabin? How ugly do you want this toget?”

She didn’t even call them her boys, or our boys. I sit down, defeated but not out of the game. My family will hate it that it went to her, but they’d hate it even more if she was still in ourlives.

“How did I ever loveyou?”

“Gee, I’ve wondered the same thing about how I ever lovedyou.”

“Take the cabin. I want you out of our lives. You’re signing away your rights to those boys. You’re never going to be near them again, you understand me? I don’t want your toxicity around them. I don’t want you to be a part of their lives in any way. We’ve been away from you for months now, and you know what? We’re betteroff.

“Here’s how it’s going to go down.” My voice is so low, I hope she has to strain to hear me. “If you walk away, you walk away. This right here? Is youronlysecond chance I will give you. You told me you’re prepared to sign the papers the way they’re drawn up, so this is me with an olive branch. That final decision is on you, but I’m feeling generous and am giving you this time to re-think how selfish you’re being. But you don’t get to come back here and screw with the boys’ heads after this, giving them hope for you stickingaround.

“You make thisfinalchoice, but you make it without me in mind, you got me? You know I think this is total bullshit. But if this is how you’re gonna play it out? Then I want you gone. Forever. You don’t get to be pissed if I meet someone and the boys love her and she loves on them like they’re her own. That jealousy won’t fly with me. You don’t get to come back at their graduation. Their weddings. I won’t send you updates on their lives. You don’t come to any of their games or watch when they grow up into amazing adults, because guess what? They will. They’re already amazing kids. And I have no doubt that they’ll be even more incredible as they get older. You’re gone? You want that? That’s fine. But…” I lean closer for my final blow. “You’re telling theboys.”

“What?” Now it’s her turn for her voice to be a whisper. But rather than anger, it’s filled withfear.

“You heard me. You wanna walk away from the two best things that ever happened to either of us? You plan to take away one of their happy places? You do it. But you don’t pretend that it’s on me. You own up to this, you make sure they know they’ve done nothing wrong. That you just can’t handle it becauseyou’rethe shitty one.” She flinches again, but I carry on, smirking. “Truth hurts, doesn’t it? I’m not the one who stepped out. I’m not the one who left immediately for a couple months, leaving you here to deal with the blowout and questions from our two boys. I’m definitely not the one who’s taking away one of the places that makes them the happiest. I’m not going to lie for you. I’m not going to allow them to question if they did something that upset you and made you leave. You will not be allowed to fuck them up, you gotme?”

“But—”

“You got me?” This time I do nothing to hide my frustration from her. My voice comes out booming, in a roar that I’m sure our neighbors heard, not to mention the boys who are hanging out in the backyard.

“I got you,” shecries.

She looks at me with tears in hereyes.

It doesn’t fazeme.

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