Page 6 of Feels Like Home

“Yup. Unfortunately, Ido.”

“Man, thissucks.”

“It definitely ain’t no picnic,” she says,chortling.

“How did you not always think of it when you saw him? Dang, Christine. How did youforgivehim? Still drop everything to care for him when he was at hislowest?”

She looks at me long, assessing. “You really want toknow?”

“Ido.”

She studies me for a few beats and looks away. “Why? Are you thinking of getting back together withher?”

“No.” My response is instant, without question, earning the return of her pretty eyes to me. “I have no desire for that. But, I need to know there’s a chance of…” I shrug my shoulders, “…moving on, Iguess.”

“Fair enough.” She finishes her coffee. “I don’t know how I forgave him. Grace of God, I guess. He and I talked — a lot — about it, and he promised me that it was just the one time. I guess I believed him. I can’t tell you why, but deep in my gut I feel like it was a one-time thing. The girl he was with — she stopped by the house that day. He didn’t seek her out. They met, well it doesn’t matter where they met, but they met and for a few months, she would come around. His work, the gym where he was a member. She’d stop by when he was playing a pick-up game of basketball on the courts. She was basically pursuing him.” She pauses and picks a piece of lint off her pant leg, flicks it to the floor, clears her throat, and licks her lips beforecontinuing.

“Not that it takes away from his involvement or his own fault in it, but I guess a part of him needed that. He had been feeling crappy, had just gone in for testing to see if he had cancer, and we were waiting on the results. It was like a mid-life crisis on crack. She showed up at the house one day and…” she shows me her hands, palm side up, “…that was all it took. He was upset, scared, vulnerable. He was supposed to wait for me to go to the doctor to find out the test results, but he didn’t want me there if it was bad news. He had just found out he had cancer. A cancer that, unless a miracle occurred, was going to kill him.” Her voice cracks, and I have to war with myself not to reach over and hugher.

“He came home, had a few drinks to calm down, and she was just there. It was like she knew the timing would be perfect for her. I blame him. I promise you, I do. I always will. Forgiving is different than forgetting. No one can go without fault for sleeping with someone other than their spouse, but the circumstances surrounding his affair, if I consider it that, are a little different than most, I wouldimagine.”

“Yeah. I agree with that. Still though, Christine. It doesn’t make itright.”

“I know. But… he’s gone.” Her voice is sad, eyes filled with tears. “I can’t dwell on it. The last years of our marriage were good, even though he was sick. Doesn’t make me forget what I saw, but it does give me something else to focuson.”

Strong doesn’t even cover what she is. Amazing. Incredible. One of a kind. How Todd stepped out on her is beyond my understanding. No matter the circumstances surroundingit.

I reach across the cushion and grasp her hand in mine, squeezing once. “I’m sorry you went throughthat.”

She squeezes my hand once in response. “I’m sorry you’re going through itnow.”

“Thankyou.”

“So, want someadvice?”

“Eat more lemon poundcake?”

She releases my hand and sits back, giggling, and again I’m hit with how much I love hearing the sound of her laughter. “Well, that, too. I could even say it’s healthy because it’s made with Greekyogurt.”

“You trying to tell me something?” I teaseher.

She smiles, a cross between sad and sort ofresigned.

“My advice? Behappy.”

“What’sthat?”

“Be happy. I promise you. First of all, it will drive Heather nuts knowing you are moving on without her. But second of all, and this is the most important part of it, you’ll behappy.”

“You make it sound soeasy.”

“I’ve had a lot of practice. When Todd was at his sickest, we practiced a lot of happiness. Happiness because we had good days, or we had quiet moments to spend as a family when he could barely get out of bed. Happiness when we were able to celebrate holidays. After he cheated, one of the things we discovered was that we could either give in to the ugly that it brought on, or we could move on. We moved on. And he had to do the same. We both had guilt. Guilt for how we got there. I questioned if I wasn’t giving him what he needed. He questionedeverything. I’m not going to lie… it’s hard, and most days you’ll have to dig deep, but you’ll get there. Trust me. The light is always better than thedark.”

I lay my head on the back of the couch and turn to look at her. She’s so gorgeous it almost hurts to look at her. I’ve always thought so, though I would have never done a thing about it. She has always been the mom who turnedheads.

“What was he thinking?” Imurmur.

“Pardon?”

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