Page 77 of Feels Like Home

Something comes over her face. Shame? Regret? Whatever it is makes menervous.

“That’s a terrible thing to say,Andy.”

I shrug, not bothered by hurting her feelings. Not anymore. “Truth hurts. Sign the papers. The house is sold, every bit of our money in it split between us already. The only thing we have left is this. I want this divorce settled now. I want my boys with me permanently. I’m not even asking you for childsupport.”

Her shoulders drop, and I realize that until this point, she hadn’t really given the entire situation much thought, mind blowing as that may be. She had thought of the boys as being a hindrance, not the blessing that they are. She looks at her lawyer, and he furrows his brow, clearly just as confused as the rest of us by her sudden change of attitude. Her chin wobbles, and she gazes out the window before turning tear-filled eyes to me. “I don’t know… this is a big deal. I can’t just walk away from Aidan andReece.”

“You already did,” I growlimpatiently.

“Not because I wantedto!”

“Right. You left because you were forced? Please. You told yourself, us, that it was because the boys deserved better than you. You left because you thought life would be better. That without the burden” —I use finger quotes— “of those two boys weighing you down, you’d be able to have everything you wanted. Guess what, Heather. Life isn’t built on material things. On lonely experiences. It’s built onlife.On the lives in your own. On the relationships you build. On the love you show others and receive in return. Life isn’t about having the best car or the most stylish clothes, or having your nails done and your hair blown out all the time. It’s not about the house you live in, so yeah, go ahead. Take the cabin. Our family built memories that stand longer than the building itself.” I pause and make sure she’s looking me in theeye.

“One day, Heather, and listen to me and listen now because I’m not going to be gracious enough to say this again. You’re going to look back on this and wonder what the hell you were thinking. You’re going to miss seeing them play sports and graduate, build friendships and fall in love, go to college and become adults. You’re going to miss their weddings,theirchildren being born. You’re going to miss all of it, and for what? For a few months in the sack with some dillhole who can’t support the fact that you’re a mom? But you know what? I’ll be there for all of it. Because I will always know that they are more important to me thananythingelse. I don’t need some cabin to understand what family is. I don’t need it to make memories and feelwhole.”

By the time I’m finished speaking, Heather’s cheeks are streaked with tears, and my chest is heaving. I pray that I didn’t say enough to make her change her mind, but at the same time, I hope I did. The boys deserve to have their mom in their lives, just not the one they currentlyhave.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “Keep the cabin. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I justwanted...”

“To hurt me,” I finish forher.

She nods. “I wasupset.”

“I would ask why, but I’m done trying to figure youout.”

“It’s just… when Iheard…”

“You heardwhat?”

“You moved on, and I guess — I don’tknow.”

“You thought I would pine for youforever?”

She shrugs her shoulders, and I roll my eyes. Not even goingthere.

Not worth any of our time, and I want this shitdone.

“You got that change in writing?” I nod over to the mediator, making sure that she got it down that Heather’s no longer taking thecabin.

“Yes, Mr. Simpson. I have it down. You will have full custody of Reece and Aidan. Heather also has given up any rights to visitation, and as per her recent change, the cabin is once again yours. Because the cabin change was something she was including late and hadn’t been expressed to the courts, only told you, the original settlement drawn up isaccurate.”

I nod my head, feeling the weight of a million elephants lifted off my chest for the first time since I walked in on her with Preston. Also a little annoyed that I hadn’t even realized she was trying to get the cabin without going through ourlawyers.

“That’s it?” I askher.

She looks up from the papers and lifts her pen before signing, nodding her head but not looking directly atme.

“I can’t be what they deserve,” she admitssadly.

“Heather. You need to understand what you’re doing,” her lawyer interrupts in a strange moment of clarity. At leasthelistened to the words that came out of mymouth.

“He’s right, Heather. Do you fully understand what you’re doing? You’ll never be able to have a relationship with your sons again. If you change your mind, and Andy sticks to this agreement, you have no rights.” Even Lynn can’t believe she’s just signing her rights away. The boys are fourteen. They need theirmother.

“I understand,” shesniffles.

“I don’t think you do, honey,” Lynn says, reaching her hand across the table to cover hers, stopping her from signing. The way this meeting started, with Heather being such a conniver, I never anticipated it ending with my lawyer trying to make her see the light of day. But Lynn’s a mother herself. She knows exactly what Heather is givingup.

“I do. I’ve thought about it a lot. Andy, you’ve always been the betterparent.”

---