Page 78 of Feels Like Home

My control is threatening to snap. I feel like I’m the ball in a terrible game of pinball, my thoughts going back and forth between wanting her to sign the papers and releasing me and not giving up on her boys, on being a mother. “It’s not a competition,Heather!”

She looks at me with tears in her eyes. “I know that. But I also know that I’ve never been the mother they deserve.” I open my mouth to object, even though it would be a lie, but she stops me by putting her hand up. “You know it’s true. And everything you just said? As sick as it is to admit, the thing that made me sad is that none of it bothers me to miss. They deserve better thanme.”

I decide to say nothing and let her continuetalking.

I can’t argue with what she justsaid.

She has tears streaming down her face but still she reaches and picks up the pen, her hand hovering over the papers, poised and ready to sign. I’ve already signed so we’re just waiting onher.

I sit with my mouth gaping, hardly being able to believe that she’s actually signing away herrights.

“Aidan and Reece? They aregoodboys. They are worth so much more than having me for a mother. They deserve someone who is willing to give up everything for them. I have one request.” She swallows and looks away, setting down the pen. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest I can feel my pulse pounding in my neck. She leans down and pulls two envelopes out of her purse and slides them across the table to me. Each one bears the name of one of the boys. I stare at them for a few beats before reaching out and pulling them tome.

“I want you to give these to the boys, whenever you’re ready or whenever you think they’re ready. I know you’ll read them first, because that’s what a good dad does. But I want you to promise me you’ll give them theseletters.”

“I can do that.” I promise this knowing, even though she’s not a great mom, she still loves them. In some weird and twisted way. She would never do something that would hurt them, or say something in a letter that would mess them up any further. Her walking away at this point proves that. But she’s right. I’ll read them before I give them over. Because even though I believe her intentions are good, I still don’t trusther.

“Thank you,Andy.”

She looks down and takes a deep breath, signs the papers, and then stands up and walks out of the room without a backwardglance.

22

Christine

“It’s done.”Andy’s voicecarries over the phone, and I wish I were next to him, being able to see his face, hold hishand.

“She signed?” I can hardly believeit.

“She did. I thought it was going to be ugly atfirst.”

“What’d shedo?”

“She gave back thecabin.”

“What?” I ask, hardly believingit.

“Yeah. She had a change of heart, I guess. But the boys are officially mine, and she has no legal ties to them, so…” The sound of his voice breaks my heart. I know he’s sad that she couldn’t see what she would be missing out on. Not for himself, for hisboys.

“I’m sorry,babe.”

“Me, too. I don’t understand what she’sthinking.”

“Me either. I couldn’t walk away from them,” I admitquietly.

“Justthem?”

“Well, you three,” Iamend.

“Happy to hearthat.”

“Yeah?”

My heart is racing, my nerves kicking up at admitting it, even though I’m sure he knows, but he needs to hear those words at the moment, especially after what he just wentthrough.

“Oh,yeah.”

“Best thing that came out of this was you,” his voice is rumbly in my ear and causes my body totingle.

---