Page 113 of All I Need

Good.

She needs to know how I see her.

“I’m not blaming him, I promise. And I would never ask you to choose. You should know that by now.” Tears stream down her face and she lets out a sob, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “There are things you don’t know yet. Things that could change what we have. The future you’re planning. You deserve to know, but I’ve been so happy,” she admits and I feel only marginally better. “I didn’t want to do anything to change the way things were. And I always wondered if it was one of the reasons the men in my life…” she drifts off and I move to sit next to her, trying to soothe some of the sadness wafting off her.

“What?”

“I can’t have children, Walker. I always wondered if that’s why the men in my life cheated on me. Because I couldn’t give them something they’d expected their woman to give them some day. That part of me is damaged. Broken.”

“Elle, that had nothing to do with it,” Mick says but his words do nothing to bring her any comfort.

As much as I appreciate him saying that, I don’t want him being the one to comfort her right now. It’s my job. “You’re not damaged, Ellie. But what do you mean by you can’t have children?”

“When we first, you know, and I told you that I was covered? It’s not because I’m on the pill or anything. I have blocked fallopian tubes. There’s a very slim chance I could get pregnant if I have surgery but my ruptured appendix did permanent damage,” she whispers. “It’s highly unlikely I’d ever be able to carry a child of my own.”

Damage.

That’s what she thinks of herself.

As damaged.

“Elle,” Mick says, bringing her head up to look at him. He crouches low in front of her. His hand reaches out like he’s going to hold her hand. I shoot him a look that tells him otherwise and he places his hands on his knees. Good choice. “It was me. I know that sounds cliché but you not being able to get pregnant was never something I considered a negative trait. It just was. I know I hurt you. Your trust was shit when we met and I ruined it and there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that I haven’t felt sorry for that. And I know I got the better end of the deal out of that, getting Grayson and all. But I had no idea you thought that you not being able to get pregnant was a reason for me being a dumbass.”

“How could I not?”

“I didn’t even know if I wanted children. Until Grayson, that is.”

She looks away and I know she’s having a hard time believing any of this is happening.

“I can’t believe you’re Grayson’s dad. He looks nothing like you.”

“He looks exactly like this fucker right here, doesn’t he?” he jokes, throwing a thumb in my direction.

“He acts like him, too.”

Hurt clouds his features but he recovers quickly. “I’ll be forever grateful for Walker stepping in when I wasn’t here. I haven’t exactly been the best father, nothing like what Grayson, or Willow, deserve. But that’s changing.”

“You’re really moving to Liberty?”

“I am. I know that’s not what you want to hear, considering it seems that means we’ll see quite a bit of each other.”

“I want Grayson to have what’s best for him,” she says and I almost start crying like a baby because that’s her concern right now. Grayson. “I hate that they didn’t know he was the product of infidelity.”

“It doesn’t change who he is,” I say. “Do you think Grayson would have benefited somehow in knowing that? It wouldn’t have done anything but hurt him.”

“I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Hey, I want you,” I tell her, gently gripping her chin and turning her head so she’s looking at me. “This is why you asked if I want children.” It comes out as the statement it is.

“You want a family, Walker, and I can’t give you that.”

“I want you,” I repeat.

“I need time to think.”

“Think? About what?”

Panic is coursing through my veins.

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