Page 40 of All I Need

I want to tell him I can’t imagine anything that would make him not look incredible but I manage to bite my tongue and just blink up at him.

A dog barks and startles us both. He looks over at the small black dog. “Chester, you just ruined a moment here.”

My eyes widen and he reaches a hand out, grasping my hand in his. I stare at our joined hands before raising my gaze to his. “We’ll discuss it later. When you’re ready,” he murmurs.

“Okay,” I whisper, though much like before, I have no idea what I’m really agreeing to. Mercy, I’m so screwed with this guy.

He releases my hand and I instantly want to pull it back to me. Thread our fingers together, watch as he lifts our joined hands to his luscious mouth and places his lips on my skin. I wish that those lips were on my own. Then I want to slide my fingers along his neck, up into his hair that looks so soft. Our kiss would be soft but full of passion. One of those life changing kisses that tells you that your forever is changed. Of course, I’ve never really experienced that kind before. Not with Michael. Definitely not with doorknob Gary. It’s probably not fair of me to always include an insult when I think of Gary, but it’s not as though he doesn’t deserve it. And while I’m totally over it, which is evidence I never should have been walking down the aisle to him in the first place, I still can’t get over the fact that he was cheating on me for so long. It hurts, whether I want him that way or not.

“Ellie?”

I startle at the sound of my name and raise my eyes to meet Walker’s, a knowing gleam in his eye.

“Huh? What?”

He chuckles. “You totally zoned out for a minute there. Should I ask what you were thinking about?”

I feel my cheeks heat in response and know I basically just outed myself. I swallow hard. “Nah, I’m good.”

He smirks and throws a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the door. “Let’s go out front. Linda is anxious to meet you and show you around and I need to check on my patient. Offer still stands—if the job isn’t for you, please tell me. No hard feelings. If you think you’d like working here, with me, the job is yours.”

I don’t miss the fact that he added working with him into his little disclaimer. It probably should scare me off. Considering the attraction I’m feeling to him and how I can’t stop my heart from beating a little faster when he’s around, unable to keep the butterflies in my stomach from taking flight. I just can’t find it in myself to care.

If he thinks that’s going to scare me off, he’s mistaken. “Thank you, Walker. You’re… amazing. Everything you’ve done for me the past few days… I don’t know what I did to deserve your kindness but I’m so grateful.”

He stares at me like he wants to say something else but decides against it. I want to reach in and pull the words out of his throat.

“You don’t have to thank me for being your friend, Ellie.”

Friend.

Right.

Disappointment sours my stomach at his use of the word friend.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve never felt so connected to someone, such desire to be around them. It’s just never been like this in the past. With Michael, it was more about lust. I was only eighteen when we met. I’m still not sure I was ever in love with him. Still, his betrayal hurt. Mostly because he knew what had happened when I was younger.

It took me years before I was ready to date anyone after Michael cheated on me. Even when I met Gary, I still didn’t feel like I wanted to be with anyone. He pursued me for months. At the time, it felt good. I felt wanted. He was patient but persistent and over time, he wore me down. Looking back, he probably only had that kind of patience because he had a side piece in every town in the county. Asswipe.

Looking back, I realize that I caved. I never felt the sparks but I figured that’s the way it is when you’re older. I was stupid enough to believe that chemistry didn’t matter. He was good on paper. Never again will I allow myself to accept less than everything again.

“I’m glad you’re my friend, Walker.” While the word friend feels like not enough, it also doesn’t feel wrong. I do want his friendship. And that’s what I need right now.

Not sparks and butterflies or orgasms.

Though, a few orgasms wouldn’t be totally awful.

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