Page 116 of Gone for You

“Listen to me a minute, will you?” He nods once, swallowing, lifting his hands, popping his knuckles. “I should have fought for you. When you pushed me away, I should have stayed and fought for you. I didn’t. We were both scared. Me because I only saw relationships fail and you because all the women in your life left you.”

“I don’t…”

“It’s true. I’m sorry that it is, but it’s true. Your mom, your grandma, Jessie, even the sister you just found out you have… every female in your life left you at some point. But not me.”

“What are you saying?”

“That I trust our relationship and I’m asking you to trust me.”

He shakes his head, looks out over the water. “I’m sorry, Liv.” My heart sinks, but then he takes the final steps in my direction, reaching out a hand to grip mine. “I’m sorry because I did the one thing I promised I’d never do. I failed you.”

I swallow hard, emotion threatening to bubble out of me like a fountain. “You didn’t.”

“I did. I knew your fears and instead of being there for you, I used them against you. It was fucked up and you didn’t deserve it.”

“But I didn’t stay, Ethan. I should have. I should have fought for us. We lost two months together because I was scared.”

He walks me to the empty chairs on the deck, and we each have a seat. “So was I. Honestly, I didn’t even realize my mom leaving had screwed me up as much as it did. Apparently, I had a little bit of a fear of abandonment.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t really have room to talk. I’m basically the poster child for fear of not being enough for the people I love.”

I squeeze his hand and he leans in close, resting his forehead on mine. “I won’t leave you or push you away again. If you give me the chance to make it up to you, I won’t leave you. I know I need to earn your trust, show you that I’m not the jackass I acted like.”

“Are you saying you love me?”

He sits back, tugs on my hand and pulls me onto his lap. His fingers dive into my hair, bringing my face close. His lips brush against mine in a whisper-soft kiss.

“I do,” he says quietly. “So much, Liv. I love you. And I’m sorry I was a jackass. You didn’t deserve that. I’ve been miserable without you.”

I let his words settle in, warming my body, coating the hard, jagged shards around my heart. The last time a man told me he loved me, he said it to try to gain control of me. I didn’t believe a second of it then but now… now I feel it in my bones that it’s different. “Say it again.”

“I love you,” he tells me and I close my eyes, the words washing over me like the first spring rain washes away all the mud and muck winter left behind.

“I love you.”

His smile is wide and sexy. “Say it again,” he says, repeating my words back at me.

“I love you.”

“I’m a lucky mother fucker, then.”

“And I’m a lucky… um, woman? I don’t know what the equivalent to a mother fucker is.”

He laughs, loud and hardy.

“Can I stay with you?” I blurt out.

“Here? Of course.”

“No,” I say sheepishly. “Your house. I um, I was kind of fired?” I wince. “And am about three weeks away from losing my apartment because I can’t afford the rent.”

“You lost your job? What the hell! Why?”

“I wasn’t a very active employee for a while there,” I admit.

He closes his eyes and drops his head. “That’s my fault.”

“No,” I say, reaching up to cradle his face in my hands. “It was all on me. I couldn’t handle my shit. I wasn’t dealing with our break up, or whatever it was, well.”

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