She’s mashing potatoes and gives me a worried look. “I don’t think so, right?”
“It’s your call. I’m kind of excited and it’s killing me just a little bit but I’ll keep my mouth shut if you want me to.”
“What if… I don’t know, something happens? And I’m still getting to know Ethan and Paul. I don’t know if I’m ready to see their reaction to me being just like my mother.”
The last little bit was so quiet I barely heard it, but I did. I wasn’t prepared for this line of thinking.
“What do you mean?”
“My mom got pregnant with the snap of a finger, apparently. And look how that turned out for Paul and Ethan.”
I check the temperature on the prime rib, and cover it with foil so it can rest for a while before we slice it. I can feel her watching me, waiting for my response, but I need a moment with my thoughts before I express them.
Malcom rubs against my leg and I shoo him out of the kitchen. He meows his displeasure, glaring at me over his shoulder as he slowly walks away.
“You think you’re like your mother?” I finally ask.
“In a lot of ways, yes.”
I turn around, lean against the counter and stare at the woman who has the potential to break my heart. Shatter it into a million pieces. But I don’t believe for a second that she will.
“And in this way you mean… in the way that you’re carrying my baby?”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“I would never do to you what she did to Paul. Or Ethan.”
I watch her face, see the truth that lies there. “But you’re worried someone else will expect that of you?”
“Yes.”
“Someone as in Paul or Ethan?” I hesitate. “Or me?”
She rubs her lips together, fiddling with the towel clutched in her hands.
“The thought hadn’t even occurred to me, Chloe. You’re not your mother, you’re your own person.”
“I know.”
I run a hand through my hair, I can’t decide which emotion is winning out; concern, panic, irritation... irritation seems to be at the top. For the lack of faith she has in me and the fact that she’d even consider I’d expect that of her.
“Did your mom love Paul?” I know she didn’t. Ethan told me that the two weren’t together that way. Ethan’s dad had gone to Mexico for spring break and a few months later, found out about the pregnancy. Ethan’s mom moved here for a while, had him, then took off. The only reason Paul was upset was because of the effect he knew it’d have on his son.
“No.”
“Do you love me?”
“Yes.”
Thank fuck for that.
“Situation is different, don’t you think?”
“But…”
“No buts, Chloe. Your mom was young, not ready to be a mom and away from her family. That’s not you. And, here’s a fun fact for you. I won’t let you leave me. You’re stuck with me for life, baby or no baby. And don’t think about something happening because my sperm is super, remember?”