Page 11 of I'm Yours

She’s such a liar. She knew I wouldn’t think about her needing a new swimsuit and planned ahead for me. Just like she’s sent me links to clothes at Target and Old Navy when they’re having sales, telling me it would be a good time to stock up for the next season, even going as far as to ask me what size she’s in now so she can grab a few things herself, so that I remember to take a look at her clothes. She’s not as sneaky as she thinks she is, but I’m grateful, nonetheless. It’s not that I’m incapable of taking care of those things, or that she thinks I am, but Katherine was the one who always bought Emmy’s clothes, just like she was the one to make her doctor and dentist appointments. When Katherine passed, it became clear to me how much of a divide of responsibilities there was in our relationship.

“Go check your dresser, baby. Grandma has you hooked up.”

She beams a smile and stands up, opening the drawers, immediately oohing and awing over what she’s finding.

Me:She just found them. Nice save, Grandma.

She replies with a winky face emoji and I chuckle, standing up to help Emmy pick out which one she wants to wear. She chooses the bright blue one that has little flowers printed all over. It’s two sizes bigger than the one she was trying to stuff herself into, which makes me feel guilty and sad all at once. She’s growing up, getting so big and it’s happening way too fast.

“Looks great, pumpkin. Want to send a picture to Grandma?”

“Yes! Let’s do a selfie!”

I turn around the camera on my phone so it’s facing us and she wraps an arm around my shoulder, pressing her face next to me. We smile wide and I snap a picture, right after she presses her lips to my cheek and gives me a kiss. I’m certain I look ridiculous with how happy I am, but I don’t care. My daughter is over her sadness because a swimsuit was too small, my mom is here to support me, and I’m back home.

Mom:There’s some happy smiles. Can’t wait to see you both tomorrow. Have fun in the lake!

“Ready to go see the water?”

“Yay!”

We grab a couple beach towels from the bathroom and go down the stairs into the garage that’s below the cabin. We keep kayaks and paddleboards as well as the life jackets and anything we would need for playing in the water in the lower garage. When Dad and Grandpa built it, they decided to put a door that opens to the lakeside and one to the front of the cabin so we could access it from either place. I push the button and the back door slides open.

“Kayak?” I ask Emmy, knowing that’s what she loves.

She answers by bouncing on her toes, rushing over to the rack along the wall, grabs a paddle and her life jacket. Even though she won’t contribute much with her paddling, I still let her use it.

She’s not gone out too often, but in her five years of life, she’s become addicted to the water and loves going out on it whenever possible.

I pull down the kayak and carry it out to the dock. It doesn’t take us long to get it into the water and for us to climb in. I start paddling us around the turquoise waters while Emmy looks over the edge and points out the rocks at the bottom just as a whitefish darts through the water below us. I listen to her chatter and point out everything I’ve seen a million times before but it still feels like the first time. It’s beautiful here. There’s no other way to describe it. The mountains surrounding the lake sit majestically, as if they’re protecting the large body of water below. Islands are scattered throughout the lake, some little, some huge, all rocky and covered in pine trees and more beauty. The only downside of the lake is the cool water temperature.

We, or rather I, paddle around our area for over an hour before Emmy announces her need to pee and swim. It doesn’t take me long to get us back to the cabin where she jumps onto the dock and makes a beeline for the house so she can use the bathroom while I put the kayak away. She’s quickly back outside, and with the excitedness that only exists in children, jumps into the lake. It’s cold as fuck so I have no idea how she does it without losing her breath or at the very least screaming, but she does.

I sit down in the chair on the dock to watch her but get in and out of the water every so often to play with her and stick close, never letting her out of my sight. She’s happy. The earlier sadness of not having the correct swimsuit and missing her mom a memory. This is where we’re supposed to be. I watch her with a smile on my face because I know deep down that we’ll, both of us, be okay.

She floats around in her life jacket until her teeth are chattering and I force her out of the water, with the promise of more of Grandma’s cookies.

After we shower and change into sweats, I grill us some hamburgers — she opted for that rather than a hot dog — and we settle in for the night in front of a movie. Spending time alone with my girl is all I need in life.

That is, until I look out the window to see a flash of blonde again.

My stomach sinks and dread fills my veins. Either I’m losing my mind, or Sadie Jones keeps appearing next door. Clearly, I’m losing my mind because just seeing a blonde makes me jump to the conclusion that it must be Sadie. The last time I thought I saw Sadie was on a day that I definitely shouldn’t have been thinking of her.

Chapter Three

Sadie - Eight Years Ago

“Go in, see that he’s happy, and leave. That’s all you’re here for. Nothing more.” I stare at my reflection in the rearview mirror as I sit in the packed parking lot of the church. I can’t believe I’m here. I can, but I can’t. It’s stupid of me, but there’s no way I’ll be able to finally move on if I don’t see him moving on.

A couple passes me while I’m still sitting in my driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles are turning white. Why am I here? What purpose is this going to serve me? Watching Reed Sanders marry someone who isn’t me will only break my heart more than it already is. Though, it’s hard to imagine that’s possible.

When I told him I didn’t love him, my heart cracked in two and it’s never been the same since. I hoped that time and distance would help but it’s only made my feelings for him grow stronger. Which is strange. How can you fall deeper in love with someone you haven’t seen in years? It makes no sense.

There hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t thought of him or wanted to call him and tell him something. I miss our friendship more than anything, but I couldn’t expect that from him. When he so willingly shared his heart with me and I couldn’t do the same, I knew it wasn’t fair to ask him to stay friends.

I start my car up, determined not to make an ass out of myself and go inside that church. If I hear the pastor ask if anyone objects, I’ll have a hard time not stating my piece. I shift into reverse to back out of the spot I’ve been sitting in for the past hour and drive out of the parking lot, feeling pretty proud of myself for doing so.

Then my stomach sinks and I put the car back in park and turn off the ignition. It’s my chance to see him and I’ve missed his face so much it hurts. Seeing it in pictures I have or from his mom just isn’t the same. I misshim.Every time his mom tells me he’s coming home to Lakeside, I make myself scarce. It’s too hard. I want him to have more than I can offer him. He deserves that.

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