Page 21 of I'm Yours

Out of the corner of my eye I see Sadie jump and wrap her arms around her waist. There’s not a single ounce inside of me that’s okay with her being afraid of me, and if my reaction caused her fear…

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m just… what the fuck?”

“What are you what the fucking over?”

I chuckle and relax slightly, noticing that she does the same.

“I really don’t know. It’s just… today has been overwhelming.”

She stays quiet, letting me come to terms with what’s been so overwhelming about the day and what I want to admit to her. Whether we’ve spent much time together recently, it seems as though she still knows me. Back in the day, I would have to sit and stew over things that really bothered me. And that hasn’t changed.

“I brought my daughter to kindergarten this morning.”

She doesn’t even skip a beat or question my abrupt change in not only topics but also my tone of voice. Instead, she asks, “Was she excited to be there?”

I laugh, reach into my pickup and grab a ball cap, and slap it on my head. There’s no reason for it other than it gives me something to do. Because the way she’s standing in front of me, looking as gorgeous as she is has me itching to do something else with my hands. I’m a living, breathing contradiction. Pissed at her one second. Angry at myself the next. Guilty and sad over my actions the last twelve years. And finally… lusting over her. It’s a yo-yo of emotions and it’s exhausting.

“Yeah. She was. Hard, though, because her mom should have been here but it is what it is.” I shrug. “There’s not a fucking thing that’s going to change the fact that she’s never going to be here.”

Sadie presses her lips together but holds my gaze. “I’m sure that this morning was hard.”

“It was,” I admit eventually. She nods in agreement.

I move around to the back of my pickup. The tailgate groans when I release the hatch and lay it down. The pickup dips when I sit on the tailgate and motion for her to join me. It’s not lost on me that the last time I sat with her on a tailgate, I lost my virginity and expressed my love to her. But if I keep living in the past and not looking forward, I’ll turn into a bitter fucker.

She slowly makes her way over, sitting down next to me but not touching. The tension between us hangs heavy in the air like clouds holding back a summer storm. She places her palms down, fingers curling around the edge as she leans forward just a smidge.

“I haven’t been here since that night.”

I kind of love that she doesn’t trail off or avoid eye contact when she’s talking about that night. She just lays it out there.

“Yeah. Me either.”

She turns to look forward, legs kicking slowly back and forth. “It’s still as beautiful as I remember.”

“It is,” I agree. It’s what I’ve been missing the last decade of my life. The peace that Lakeside brings me. Even when she’s here, making all my senses zip and zap against each other, I still feel peace and calm.

“Why were you apologizing? I mean, I know what you said, but I don’t get it.”

I turn my head so I’m facing her. “I always told you that I’d be there for you. When I didn’t get my way, I left. Suddenly I was that all or nothing guy and that wasn’t fair. Not to you. Not to us.”

“I understood.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

She’s quiet for a few beats. Then she lifts her legs, planting her feet on the tailgate and resting her forearms on her knees, head turned in my direction and cheek resting on her arms. “Yeah, Reed, I should have. I didn’t necessarily behave as I should have, either. I mean, I let you leave without saying goodbye.” There’s a sadness in her voice that breaks my heart. “We were so young.”

“We were.”

“Man, sometimes it feels like a million years ago, doesn’t it?”

I bark out a laugh. “It does. And other times…”

“Like yesterday.”

I nod my head and this time I’m the first to look away.

A small smile curves my lips. “Do you remember that night of our senior year that you thought you’d try to drink an entire bottle of UV Blue and mix it with Red Bull?”

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