Page 23 of I'm Yours

Chapter Seven

Sadie

That little bit of information is putting it mildly. That was the morning I found out my mom was bipolar. I had just heard from my bio dad that afternoon and needed to not think for a while. I needed a night where I didn’t have the heavy weight of being responsible for my brother sitting on my shoulders. One night. That’s all I wanted.

I remember hoping that I’d have the courage to tell Reed all about it. But then we were at the party and I saw him talking and laughing with his friends and I knew I couldn’t saddle him with that. I’d burdened him with enough of my troubles, and I knew him well enough to know that if he found out that my life for the foreseeable future consisted of caring for my family, he’d do everything in his power to fix it. Even if that meant putting his own life on hold.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I walk closer to the lake. It’s not as breathtaking as Flathead, but it’s certainly beautiful. Clear and bright blue water that reflects the mountains protecting it. Picking up a colorful rock, I toss it between my hands before turning back to face Reed who’s joined me on the shore. He picks up a rock as well, examines it, then turns his arm and tosses it. I watch as it skips five times. Not his best, which is eleven skips, at least at one point in time, but still good.

“I’d say you already know why.”

“Why don’t you explain now?”

“Reed,” I sigh. He sits down on a large boulder, elbows resting on his knees as he looks out at the water.

“You had such a skewed idea of how I saw you,” he bites out, frustrated. He doesn’t lift his head to look at me when he says it and I know I’d say that’s a record. Less than two hours back in each other’s lives and he’s already frustrated with me.

I keep messing with the rock in my palm, letting the smooth surface calm me. I want to skip it, but the memories of the last time I skipped a rock are too overwhelming to revisit. Reed is the one who taught me how to do it. He’d show me then stand behind me and help me. His hands were rough against my skin and I wanted to spin around and let him wrap me up in his arms but I never found the courage to do it.

“Why didn’t you ever believe me?” The words are an angry whisper through the soft wind and hit me with such force I have to suck in a breath.

“I don’t know. I couldn’t. I tried to and wanted that more than anything.”

“Now? How do you see yourself now?” I can hear the hope in his voice. He wants me to tell him that I see it now.

I smile and look up at him. “I see it. Now. It took me a long time. Too long, I admit. When we were kids, all I saw was this separation and now I know that was never there.”

“I’m glad you see that. Can’t lie, wish you’d seen it earlier, but I’m glad you do now.”

I nod, looking away. “But… there were things you didn’t know.”

He scoffs. “If that’s true, it’s because you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

“I…” I can’t finish what I’m about to say because he’s right.

“I’m right and there’s nothing you can say to deny that. But why?”

“You were meant for more than this.”

“What’s this? The life that Iwanted?Come on, Sadie. You knew damn good and well that my future was…” he trails off again. He’s been doing that a lot, which makes me think that maybe he’s holding back. I know a little about that.

“My mom needed my help. More than typical, I guess,” I huff. “And Samuel. He was young and she wasn’t capable of being what he needed, either.”

I let my words settle but it doesn’t take him long to put two and two together. “Which means you decided that you were going to become his caretaker as well as your mom’s and thought you needed to take it all on yourself.”

“I didn’t have another choice. She was… is… sick.”

Sick might not be the best word to describe her, but it’s all I can give him right now. And he seems to understand that. Reed doesn’t push for more information. He glances at me out of the corner of his eye and I know he wants to argue. That we always have a choice and that I could have told him. That goes without saying. He wouldn’t have judged me but he would have stayed home from college and took it upon himself to try to fix everything.

“Does my mother know?” His voice is gruff and it makes me glance at him. I don’t know what he wants to hear. Yes, his mother knows. But it’s not because I went to her or told her on purpose. She found out on her own. The pain of being at the tiny small town pharmacy with a pharmacist who didn’t know how to use his indoor voice.

“There’s so much more to my story than my mother’s illness.”

I can practically hear him scoff at my non-answer but he doesn’t. Instead, he just turns to face me, crossing his arms over his broad chest. I can’t help but stare at the tattoos that cover his arms and up his neck. The last time I saw him, he had virgin skin. I want to see every single one of them. Funny how twelve years changes so much but nothing at the same time.

“Maybe someday you’ll tell me.” He talks like me telling him what I’ve done while he was gone won’t bother him. Sure, for me it was about the dancing and earning enough money to get us on our feet and give my brother and Mom a better life. But in my experience, people — men included — may understand why I made a living on the pole however, those men who were so understanding? Not so much when it comes to thinking about it being his girlfriend up there. For that reason, I haven’t been on a date in four years. Four. Long. Years.

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