Page 47 of I'm Yours

“Can you blame me? I’m a little shocked.”

“I get that, I do. But, Reed, you don’t have a right to treat me that way.”

His dark eyes grow sad when he says quietly, “I used to know everything about you. I hate that you have a list of shit that I don’t know so I can hear about your past. I should have been involved in those years.”

It’s funny. I thought that maybe he’d moved on from that. He was married. Had a daughter. I assumed he no longer cared and that he stayed away because I wasn’t a blip on his radar any longer. Maybe I assumed wrong.

Our breakfasts are placed in front of us but I’m no longer hungry and by the way Reed doesn’t dive right into his, neither is he. He stares down at the table, gripping his fork so tightly I’m afraid it will crumble in his hand.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

He shakes his head, still not looking up at me. I watch as his chest rises and falls and feel the table tremble as if his knee is bobbing beneath it. Eventually he places the fork down and leans back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, he looks around the mostly empty diner and when his eyes return to me, it seems as those the cloud that settled over him moments ago has already lifted.

“The first thing I’d like you to tell me about is how you got into…” he can’t finish the sentence. Swallows hard and looks like saying the word stripper would make him physically ill. “If that’s okay with you. If you’re comfortable with that, I mean.”

I nod and eat a chunk of potato. It goes down like a rock. “In order to explain that, I need to tell you about my mom first. I know I told you to number everything but…” I blow out a breath and shake my head. “She has bipolar disorder. She was diagnosed years ago but wouldn’t go on her medication to stabilize her mood episodes. I found out the night I got drunk on Red Bull and UV Blue.”

Realization dawns and his eyes shudder closed. “I knew something major happened. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew you’d think you needed to fix it and truth is, I couldn’t accept your help. I was in my own head about it, too. At the time, I saw what your future looked like and if I’d have told you, that would have changed. It wasn’t fair of me, I know, that I didn’t let you make that decision but you have to understand that I mentally couldn’t handle wondering if I was ruining your future by laying my burdens at your feet on top of everything else.”

He takes a deep breath and looks out the window. His jaw flexes before he says, “I get it. I might not agree with it, but I do understand. A little bit, anyway.”

“My dad…”

Reed grunts at the mention of the man who was never really a dad to me.

“He scared me.”

His head jerks to me and his eyes go hard. “What do you mean, he scared you?”

“Nothing like that. He just said some things that made it hard for an eighteen-year-old to make a thoughtful decision. I wanted to get help. He said that if I discussed Mom’s diagnosis that CPS would come and take Samuel away and since I was eighteen, I would be stuck with Mom on my own. Or homeless. He added that in, too.”

“Fucker.”

“Yeah. He is. But, I don’t have anything to do with him anymore.”

“Good.”

“You’d better eat before it gets cold.” I point to his plate and he looks down like he forgot it was sitting there.

He spears a piece of potato and some ham and takes a bite.

“Anyway, I knew I needed to help Mom. Not because I had some sort of loyalty to her, but for Samuel, you know? He was young and needed me. Needed a home. Mom and I had a long talk and she finally agreed to go on medication but it’s not that simple. It’s not like I could give her a pill and all was right. The first two medications didn’t work for her. I was constantly monitoring her while trying to work here to earn enough money to support us.”

“And you took all of it on yourself?”

I chew and swallow the bite I just took while shrugging and he continues to eat. “It wasn’t that big of a deal, honestly. It brought Samuel and me that much closer, and for that I’m grateful. And Mom is doing really well now. Unbelievably well, actually.”

“So you grew up overnight.”

“I guess I did.”

“And your mom is doing good now? You have her medications figured out?”

“Yeah. She’s like a different person, actually.”

“I guess that explains a lot, huh? Is that why she would hide out in her room for days?”

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