Page 34 of Together

“Can’t blame them,” I mumble.

“No. Neither can I.”

She sounds a little sad and for reasons I’m not willing to really dig into right now, I hate that I wasn’t there for her. I hate that she had to do this on her own. I should have offered to go along, even if it would have been a little uncomfortable or awkward.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I am.”

“You don’t sound okay.” I risk telling her. She doesn’t, though. She sounds like she’s been crying, her voice a little gravelly.

Ashley’s quiet for a few moments then sighs. “Honestly, I don’t know. My dad wasn’t thrilled, which is yeah, understandable and a little expected, but my older sisters are being kind of bitchy about it all. They’re rubbing it in my face that I was irresponsible, which is only stirring the pot and making it harder.”

I immediately don’t like her sisters. “Why is that? Don’t sisters normally stick together?”

“Well, it could be because they’re both married but neither have kids and it’s a sore spot for both of them.”

“You’re the youngest?” I guess.

“Yeah.”

“How old are they?”

“Forty and thirty-eight. I’m thirty-three. I was a rainbow baby. They had a miscarriage between us.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. My sister and I are five years apart, too. My parents had a miscarriage after me then struggled to get pregnant.”

“Scary, huh?” She pauses while we both think. I hadn’t really thought of it as a possibility until now. Even though this pregnancy is a complete surprise to both of us, it would be really hard to have that happen. “You know, I was always the odd one out. I always thought it was because the older two are closer in age but I wonder if it’s because my parents always treated me a little differently because of the miscarriage.”

I can honestly say I don’t remember my parents favoring Josie. “Is that true? Did they?”

“I don’t know. They always teased me about being the favorite. I thought they were just being jerks because that’s how siblings are. It makes me wonder, though. I mean, they still joke about me being the favorite sometimes but it’s all in good fun, but for the most part now that we’re adults, they don’t treat me differently. Until tonight, I guess.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I get why they’re frustrated, not that they have a right to be, you know?”

I’m glad that she’s talking and opening up. We have a lot to learn about each other but the fact that she’s willingly telling me about her life is a good sign. We need to keep open lines of communication if this is going to work between us.

“Tell me about them.”

“My oldest, Grace, she’s a career woman and has spent her life devoted to being a kick ass lawyer. She’s awesome and crazy smart. She always loved researching and learning. She loved school. It’s only been in the last year that her and her husband decided they would like a child, but they’re having a hard time getting pregnant. Her doctor warned her with her age it might be difficult but she’s determined. My second oldest, Lucy, has always wanted children. She and her husband got married two summers ago and have been trying to get pregnant since. She’s an econ professor at State. Obviously, they’re both smarty pants.”

“I’ll say. So I won’t have much in common with them, huh? I didn’t even go to college.”

“Ehh, they don’t judge. I promise. They actually have a lot more appreciation for someone who doesn’t spend tens of thousands on an education that they don’t need. Not everyone is meant for college.”

“That’s a good way to think about it. I knew once I graduated high school, I wasn’t going to be sitting in a classroom again. Unless it was to learn more about my specific trade. Anyway, back to your family?”

“So maybe their bitchiness is more about sadness for their own situation and a little bit of jealousy. Of course, that makes me feel bad, but it’s not exactly like I tried to go out and prove to them that I could get pregnant first.

“Luckily, Mom has been wonderful. She knows the type of person I am and that the night we spent together was out of character for me.”

Thank goodness her mom is being good about it, at least. I can’t imagine what my parents would be saying if they were alive. They were wonderful parents but also very conservative. Sex before marriage was not something they understood or approved of. My divorce was definitely not on their list of proud moments. While they understood that my marriage wasn’t meant to last, they also didn’t want people to know that. They were very much worried about appearances and what our actions reflected back on them.

“I also called my ex-boyfriend last night and told him I was pregnant. That was not super fun, either.” I’m quiet, digesting all of her information while also thinking of my parents and the fact that they’re missing all of this. What I wouldn’t give to disappoint them by getting a woman pregnant who I barely know. “I’m sorry, I’m probably bumming you out. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that but I also promised myself I would never lie to you about anything. It’s not a good way to start whatever it is that we’re starting.”

I don’t know how I feel about the fact that she called him and now she’s sad. Is she sad because she misses him? Wishes this baby were his? Either of those would make sense. The night we met, she was so upset that he broke up with her that she got raging drunk and slept with me, which is another thing I’m trying to work through.

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