Page 80 of Dark Embers

He looked up at me then, rage and heartache simmering in his tear-filled eyes.

I shook my head, not understanding the look he was giving me.

“Don’t you understand, boy?” he insisted angrily. “The only way to break the bond is to die.”

His words struck my heart like a car slamming into a wall at high speed. I had no words. My mind was numb with a cacophony of whirling thoughts and emotions that I struggled to put order to.

“I wish I had died,” Shepherd said. “Living without the bond is worse than death.”

I swallowed, dragging a question out of the melee in my head. “How so?”

He narrowed his eyes at me like I was the perpetrator of his miserable existence. “I can’t taste. I can’t smell. I can’t feel anything but anger and sorrow. And worst of all, I can no longer see color. The world around me is nothing but hues of gray, white, and black.”

He crossed the short distance and plopped his hands down on the desk, leaning over me. “Do you know what it is to be a maothat can’t see color? That bond was a vital part of my soul, and without it, I can’t experience joy. And if you succeed in your endeavor, neither will you.”

He shoved away from the desk and stepped back, letting his warning sink in. “I don’t know what this darkness is on your family, but I can assure you that nothing is worse than living as I do.”

Silence fell over us like a thick curtain, and I knew there was nothing else for either of us to say. His story had me shaken in so many ways, and I didn’t know what to do with this dark and weighted knowledge. So I did the only thing I could do.

I rose. “Thank you very much for telling me this. I can see that you’re in great pain, and I wish there was something I could do.”

“There’s nothing anyone can do,” he ground out, glaring at the floor again. “Just don’t make the same mistake I did.”

I stilled. “What was your mistake?”

He looked up at me under his heavy brow. “I should have shot myself in the head instead.”

*?*?*

“You know this could get you suspended,” Brett whispered as we snuck into Caesar’s classroom that afternoon.

It was strange to see this part of the school so empty during the day, and even though Caesar himself had canceled classes for the day, I was relieved to find him absent from his classroom. That man practically lived in here.

“Caesar won’t suspend Tobias,” Niko scoffed, scanning up and down the hall before silently closing the door behind us. “Not the greatPrince Dracul.”

“Will you both shut up?” I hissed.

Though he was right, and I pretty much knew I was untouchable, I still didn’t want to get caught in the act. Nor did I want to drag down Niko and Brett with me. While I was immune from retribution, they were not.

I crept behind Brett to the desk as Niko stood guard by the door.

“You know, just because I asked you to double date with me didn’t mean you had to make some great romantic gesture to get Arya to go with you,” Niko teased regardless of my warning; apparently, finally coming clean about his feelings for Ashlyn made him mirthful. “You could have asked a different girl.”

In lieu of a response, I pursed my lips and gave him a stern look to shut the hell up.

That hadn’t been the reason I had brought us here. I honestly didn’t know with whom I’d fulfill my part of the bargain. I hoped that this act would pave the way for sincere friendship between Arya and me, and going out on another date, even one meant as a group… It was just way too soon for that.

We needed to be friends because I physically needed to be around her. But I’d also admitted to myself that Iwantedto be her friend because I liked her. And seeing as I clearly couldn’t be intimate with her without losing control and freaking out and messing everything up, friends-without-benefits would have to be good enough.

And at least for the time being, attempting a fake suicide was absolutely not an option.

“Found it!” Brett said, pulling the tablet out and swiping the screen to wake it. He then began his attempt to hack in.

I still doubted he could actually do it. Brett didn’t exactly come across as the computer nerd type, even if he did spend most of his life with his face glued to a screen. And I had no idea what kind of security Caesar might have on his tablet.

If the lack of locks on his classroom door was any indication, though, we might not have much to worry about.

“How’s it looking?” I asked Brett, considering what else we would try if this attempt failed.

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