Page 84 of Cruel Destinies

“Dammit, Shea, don’t you get it?” he asked almost pleadingly, giving me puppy-dog eyes.

“Get what?” I asked, all sass.

With a growl, he shot up and stomped across the small space, pacing as he raked his fingers through his hair. My heart fluttered with anticipation as I watched him, hardly breathing while I waited for him to finally say it.

Suddenly, he was in front of me, kneeling at my feet and holding my face in his hands. I swear my heart fucking stopped.

“You mean more to me than anyone has in a very long time,” he hissed, his eyes suddenly feral, his irises rimmed in red. “I can’t stop thinking about you. Not just the taste of your blood or the promise of what your magic can do for me. And itdestroys me insidehow much my obsession with you seems to be eclipsing my love and devotion for Alice.”

I stared at him in stunned silence, the only sound that passed between us the quick, shallow breaths that made it through my tight throat.

I didn’t know what to say. What the hell does someone say to a declaration like that? That I couldn’t stop thinking about him either? That I was just as obsessed with him, even though I was also obsessed with, and now officially claimed by, his close gryphon friend? That I felt guilty for making him want someone other than his dead lover, among so many other things?

So instead, I asked, “What was she like? Alice, I mean?”

A sad smile spread across his lips, and he lowered his hands from my face. “She was strong and gentle. She was always helping out wherever she could, even if it about killed her to do so. She stood by me when I was turning and worked tirelessly to find something—anything—that would help me in my altered state. She never judged me for what I became.”

I swallowed, trying to find the words to ease his sorrow. But that’s never been my strong suit. “So, why continue to search for a way to bring her back? Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredibly romantic, but...why not move on?”With me.

He sighed. “Have you ever felt a connection with someone that transcended everything else?”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. Because deep down, I knew that I had. Twice. And I was a fucking fool for at least one.

“She keeps me grounded, even now.” Julian brought something out of his pocket.

It was a pin—a green leaf with glinting gold veins, tiny gems providing a frame that sparkled despite the dim motel lighting. But it was the cameo in the middle that arrested me. Something about the profile of the woman—so stoic, so reverent—made me feel like I knew her.

“Whenever I feel I’m losing my way, this reminds me I have something worth fighting for.”

I nodded, admiring the somber beauty of his while he stared at the trinket.How this vampire could pull me in so completely without even trying made my head spin. Even now, my fingers itched to feel his cool skin, my lips ached to taste his icily hot kisses. And he was talking about his dead lover. The one he’d been pining over for who knew how long.

“You actually remind me of her,” he said, a soft half-smile on his face as he put the pin back in his pocket. “The day I found you, I thought youwereher. You look so much alike. And then I sensed the magic in you. I should thank you, Shea. You’ve given me a hope I haven’t felt in a long time.”

I met his gaze, his eyes so full of heartache and promise that reached out to tangle with my own. Was he seeing me now or the woman he’d lost?

“W–what if you finding me was a sign?” I breathed, hope twisting in my chest like a writhing nest of snakes. “What if you’re supposed to move on with me?—At least until I can bring back Alice, I mean. Don’t you think she would want you to be happy in her absence?”

Why the fuck am I saying any of this? I’m with Caesar! I told him I was his. Why am I trying so hard to change Julian’s heart?

But my stupid mouth wouldn’t stop. “What if my resemblance and similar magic are her giving you permission to be happy?”

He pursed his lips, his bottom lip pouting out in a way that was entirely too heart-throbbing. “I have considered that… I have also considered that you might be fate’s latest and cruelest trick.” He collapsed so that he was sitting on his bent knees, his shoulders sagging as if with a heavy weight. “I just know that I can’t stop trying, not until I know for sure that bringing her back is impossible.”

“Then what?” I couldn’t stop from asking.

He looked up at me. “Then I guess we’ll see. But…I…can’t keep myself from wanting you, even with all that. I don’t know where that leaves me, except for in a hell of my own making.” He frowned, pain and indecision making his bottom lip tremble.

I wanted so badly to ease his suffering, so I offered my own in return. “Then I guess we’re in the same sinking boat. You should know that…”

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for this confession and whatever repercussions it received. Squeezing my eyes shut, I blurted it all out in one long string of neurosis.

“I’ve been kinda sleeping with Caesar, and he knows about my involvement with you—all of it—and I want both of you so much I can’t think about anything else, and all of this love triangle shit is driving me completely insane!”

When the room was silent for several beats after my outburst, I slowly peeked through my lashes at him.

Suddenly, he burst out laughing. I opened my eyes fully, furrowing my brow in confusion as I watched him slap his knees in an amusement I didn’t understand.

“We make a fine pair, don’t we?” he said when his laughter subsided. “Or trio, I suppose.”

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