Page 103 of Just Forever

I spend a few seconds trying my best not to hyperventilate.

It would be so easy to give in to these thoughts and keep hiding.

But right as I’m about to slink away, a sudden thought hits. If I don’t take this risk, Scott wins.

Scott wins.

John wins.

Am I really going to let them dictate how I live my life?

I’m… not sure. This is what I’ve been like for so long.

But I sort of know that for the first time in forever, the thought of having friends—new friends, real friends—doesn’t feel like something to avoid at all costs.

That maybe, instead, it’s worth the risk.

The first step is the hardest.

“And now I live here,” I say. “With my boyfriend.”

LAKE

After that firstdinner something seems to loosen inside me. Like some form of exposure therapy where the first time wasn’t that bad, so my brain seems to take it as permission to go for seconds.

I unmute the group chat Paige mentioned when she first introduced herself to me, so now my phone is annoying because it goes off all the time with messages from people I don’t even know.

But I don’t mute it again.

Instead, I join a study group. Somehow. Honestly, I’m still not a hundred percent sure how it happened. Somebody asked a question about the upcoming test, and I answered it. Five minutes later I’d agreed to join.

I’d be embarrassingly easy to lure into a cult.

Ryker found it hilarious when I was bitching about it to him.

We make an offer to Ryker’s parents for the house when his mom next comes to town. She protests immediately. The asking price drops ridiculously low. We protest in return. The rest of that dinner is like a comedy sketch where the seller keeps listing the flaws their property has, and the buyers are determined to talk the place up. It takes us three hours of negotiating to settleon a price. In the end, Genevive is not happy because she still thinks it’s too high, and Ryk’s not happy because he thinks it’s too low. So, pretty much how compromises always go, I suppose.

It takes a few weeks to deal with the mortgage and the paperwork, but once that’s done the last of the apprehension I had about the house disappears. Instead, there’s suddenly a calm feeling of belonging that takes over everything inside me.

It’s not even this specific house. We could’ve bought a hovel in bumfuck nowhere, and I would probably feel the same way. It’s what the house represents. It’s a physical representation of home. A physical representation of trust—something I haven’t been able to fully give to anybody until Ryker.

This is our place.

“It’ll take a lot of work to get it back in shape,” Ryker’s dad says.

Both he and Ryker’s mom flew in just to hand us the keys. I’ve never met Ryker’s dad before, I’ve only ever seen photos of him. Bennett James looks a lot like his son. An older version of Ryk. He’s dressed in slacks and a sport coat, and his salt-and-pepper hair is meticulously styled. He looks exactly how I’d expect a wealthy, successful person in his fifties to look. Maybe a touch more affable than could strictly be considered cool, but if nothing else, it makes him seem at least a little bit less intimidating.

He and Ryker’s mom are on good terms, which is weird to see. Divorced people who get along with each other. Admittedly, they clearly have less water under the bridge than my own parents did, but it’s still nice to see that people can break up and remain amicable with each other.

“It’s not too bad,” Ryker says. “And we have all the time in the world.”

“That backyard was always ridiculous. Look at this. Can’t even fit a pool in here,” Bennett says, but he manages to comeoff good-natured instead of arrogant. He probably has a whole mansion in California, so this place looks like ass in comparison.

“It’s New York City. We only have three months of summer.”

“Would be a nice addition. And it would raise the asking price when you sell.”

“We’re not going to sell,” Ryk says and glances at me with a private smile. “It’s our home.”

---